Perceptions 8-9/66
Chapter 8
Memorial Day, 2005
Alex stared unseeingly into her beer. "Why can't I just tell her?" She muttered to herself. She emptied the beer and started ordering shots of southern comfort. "What happened to the day when I could live with her never finding out?" She said a little bit louder to Kelli Rogers sitting next to her.
"Those days ended almost a year ago when she found you at that girly bar. Face it, Doc. You need to tell Eve once and for all how you feel about her." She held out her hand. "That will be 200 dollars for my time and services."
Alexis rolled her eyes. "You don't have your certification yet. Therefore, you're practicing without a license. That's a ... a… "
Kelli pulled out her cell phone. "Do you need to call Eve?" She sing-songed the lawyer's name tauntingly. "To find out what type of criminal offense that is?"
Alex rubbed her eyes in an attempt to clear her mind. "No no don't call her. I know this. It's a...a... crap! What is it?"
Kelli scrolled thru the cell's phone book until she reached Eve Benson's number and promptly pressed SEND. After four rings, Eve finally answered out of breath. "Did I catch you at a bad time, counselor?"
"I thought I said don't call her!" exclaimed Alex slurring her words slightly.
"Is there a reason for this call, Kelli?" Eve questioned. "Yes, actually. Alexis... you know, our mutual doctor friend... and I were sitting here drinking and chatting when I offered some psychological advice." Kelli elaborated. “Alex seems to think... "
Eve cut in sharply. "Why does Allie need psychological advice? She's the sanest person I know."
"Yes but dear old Alex has some issues..."
"Hey now!” shouted Alex jostling her beer mug on the bar top.
"Is she still there? Put her on." Ordered the attorney sharply.
Kelli grinned knowingly and held the phone out to her friend. "Seems she wants to talk to ya, doc. It's time to spill you feelings to her."
Alex glared at her longtime friend, sincerely wishing she could get away with murdering the woman. "Malone here." she grumbled.
"Why do you need psychological help from Kelli?" Eve questioned in a low tone.
"I don’t. We were just bitchin' bout relationships and she butted her crooked honker where it didn't belong. It was just some friendly advice. I thought you and Dobbs were goin' out tonight."
"But you don't do relationships. And we did. We are."
Alex sighed dramatically. "That's not true. The relationship thing."
"You haven't been in one since you broke off you engagement to Bobby Hunter. Since then, you've had a bunch of one night stands which we don't discuss."
"Maybe I just haven't found that special someone."
"Or maybe you HAVE and are too chicken shit to say anything to her, never thinking for a moment that maybe... just maybe she feels something for you too."
"Evie..."
"And maybe she's scared because you make her feel things she's never felt before."
"Evie."
"But instead you hide in that bottle rather than face..."
"Evangeline." Alex calmly but forcefully said her friend's full name. The tone of Alex's voice made eve quit babbling.
"What?"
"Do you realize this is the first time in the past year you've acknowledged that I'm a lesbian?" Silence reigned on the phone line, each passing moment breaking more of Alex's heart. "I think that should answer everything, Evie. Roll over and tell Dobbs I’m sorry I interrupted your evening." She whispered, tears silently falling down her cheeks. She swiped angrily at her tears as she handed Kelli the phone.
"What the hell did you say to her, Benson?" Kellie said sharply, turning away from Alex.
"I... just that the perfect girl might've been under her nose all along."
"Did you mean it?" silence reigned once again. "Let me guess. You got quiet on her, too when she hit a nerve."
"Yes." Eve admitted slowly. "Why?"
"Because whatever it was you said or didn't say made her cry. And we both know Alex doesn’t cry."
"I’m not crying, damn it." Alex sobbed wiping vigorously at the fast falling tears. “I. Don't. Cry. Don't tell her I am. I just have an eyelash in my eye."
"She needs you, Eve. In ways she's avoided ever needing anyone."
"Allie doesn't cry." Eve whispered almost to herself. "Where are you two?"
Kelli quietly gave directions, every so often glancing over at Alex to check on her. "Ok. I'll get there as soon as I can. Don't let her leave." Kelli grinned mischievously so she snapped her phone shut. She turned back to Alex. "Well that was an enlightening conversation."
Alex sniffed loudly and ordered another round of shots. "It's useless, Kel." she clenched her jaw. "Nothing's ever going to happen with Eve, so I should just move on already."
"Alexis, you are not a quitter. At least go down fighting. Tell her, Doc. If you don't you'll regret it for the rest of your life." Kelli sipped her rum and coke.
Alex's chin trembled as she lifted the shot glass to her lips. "Let's stop and think about this, Kelli." She slurred slightly.
"Think about what?"
She turned to face her friend fully. "Evie an' me... were different. She wants the white picket fence with the gorgeous husband, 2.5 kids and cat. I don't want kids. Period. End of story. She wants to be governor someday. We live in fucking conservative Ohio where being gay is the political kiss of death. I curse like a sailor, she rarely does and even then it's just a mild damn it. I hide from my emotions, she always wants to talk." she rambled drunkenly.
"So.... then why do you love her?"
"I don't love her. I just..." she searched her brain for the right phrase. "Really really like her alot." she blushed deeply.
Kelli laughed loudly, then mimicked Alex's tone and phrasing. "Really really like her alot? Are we in junior high again? Do you need me to pass her a note in study hall for you?"
Eve's voice came from behind them. "What's this about study hall?" Kelli slid over one stool, so eve could sit next to the drunken comrade. "Your DD has arrived."
"Why're you here, Eve?"
"I believe I Just said I'm your designated driver."
Alex lifted another shot glass. "Then I should make the most of my evening."
Eve placed her hand on Alex's forearm. "We need to talk, Allie."
The redhead feigned indifference. "So talk." she downed the shot.
"Allie." Eve groaned exasperatedly. "Are you going to make me do this here?" Keith Whitley's version of "When you say nothing at all" started playing on the jukebox.
Alex stood and held her hand out to Eve. "They're playing our song, counselor." Eve placed her hand in Alex's and allowed herself to be led to the dance floor and into Alex's embrace."I'm not good at this, Evie. I can't talk about alot of what's going on inside my head."
"Fine. Then I'll talk." Eve inhaled deeply before continuing."We've been circling each other for what seems like forever, neither wanting to make the first move for fear the other didn't reciprocate. Even back when we were teenagers there was this surface tension between us. I don't know about you but for me it was a big reason why I never tried to stay in contact with you. My feelings for you scared me. To this day, it scares me. But I'm older now and I'd like to think wiser and even though I'm scared, I'm willing to give us a shot, consequences be damned."
Alex stopped moving to stare intently into Eve's bright blues. Surely I'm hearing things. I must be drunker'n I thought. "Speak plainly for the drunk, please."
Eve toyed with one of the curls resting on Alex's T-shirt collar. "I'm saying I'm yours for as long as you want me, Allie. I’m saying I want to give us a shot. " She whispered softly.
"What if I want you forever?"
The brunette shrugged carelessly. "Then I guess we're stuck with one another."
Alex pulled her close in a bone crushing hug and nuzzled her face against Eve's neck. "Let's get out of here, counselor." she pulled back to grab Eve's hand and lead them off the dance floor to where Kelli sat.
"I take it you two have finally figured out what's been painfully obvious to those of us around you."Alex smacked her friend's shoulder good naturedly. "Hey! I just speak the truth."
"Ok you two, that's enough." chuckled Eve. "I think it's time to get out of here."
Chapter 9
June, 2008
Eve sat on her plush tan couch next to Alex, her legs tucked to her side. She idly traced little invisible patterns on her girlfriend's forearm, which was currently resting possessively on her thighs. The doctor's voice broke the stillness. "What's on your mind, Evie?"
"What makes you think there's something on my mind?" Alex leaned over for a brief kiss. "Cuz you can't stand silence. You're always babbling about something. So come on. What is it?"
"Betsy rose is coming to visit next week."
"Great!” She narrowed her eyes when she noticed Eve chewing her lip."Isn't it?"
"It is. It's just... she doesn't know... I mean."
Alexis sat straight up. "Are you trying to tell me that we've been together for three fucking years...?"
"Allie."
"And your goddamn sister doesn't know about it?" she asked her voice dangerously low.
"It's not that simple, Allie."
"Not that simple." she mocked rising from the couch to pace Eve's living room. She snorted sarcastically. "This coming from the woman who refused to attend any of my family gatherings until I came out first."
"That has nothing to do with this."
"The hell it doesn't! I've never once asked you to deny being my girlfriend simply because someone I care about doesn't know I share a bed with you."
"I haven't asked you to either."
"But you were about to." Eve stared at her speechlessly. Alex's shoulders slumped in resignation. She walked over to the door and slipped her sneakers on. "I thought we were past all of this, Evie." she whispered softly, slamming the door behind her.
Eve continued staring at the doorway, tears streaming down her cheeks. I'm sorry, Allie. But I'm just not as strong as you are or that you think I am.
Late the next week.
Alex lay curled in the fetal position on her bed. Neither the Imitrex nor the Excedrin migraine medications alleviated the pounding in her head. The pain was so severe she actually called off sick and turned the ringers off on her phones. Needless to say, when someone started pounding on her apartment door late that afternoon, it only increased her headache’s intensity, She held her pillow over her aching head until she heard Betsy Benson’s voice yelling for her to open the door. She trudged into her living room and opened the door a crack. "Whaddya want, Bets?" she mumbled leaning her head against the doorframe. The younger Benson pushed past the doctor, entering the apartment. "Oh yeah, barge in 'ere not telling me why you're here."
"Are you drunk?" Betsy asked tilting her dark brown head to the side.
"No. I’ve got a killer migraine and have been in bed all day. Why do you Bensons always ask if I'm drunk?" Alex closed the door and collapsed into her recliner.
Eve's sister crossed to sit on the couch. "Maybe because you tend to drink alot." "Maybe. You still haven't said why you're here."
"Answers. I'm here for answers."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, my sister is an emotional wreck. She's been putting on a good show trying to prove nothing is wrong, but she's miserable. She keeps staring at the door like she's expecting someone to walk in at any moment, and she's been crying herself to sleep at night." Betsy stared intently at her sister's friend. "And strangely, you've been very absent... so what's the deal?"
Alex shook her head sadly and yawned. "We got into a huge fight last week. It's up to her to talk about it." She yawned again."Sorry. My medications must be kicking in."
"What did you fight about?"
She shook her head again. "Just some stuff I thought we were past by now."
Betsy groaned dramatically. "God, you two are quite the pair."
Alex narrowed her eyebrows. "What are you talking about, Bets?"
"Everyone around you can see it, why can't two professionals such as yourselves..."
"What..."
"Do you think I'm stupid, Alexis?"
Alex shook her head. "No but I..."
"I've had you two figured out since Eve's law school graduation. You both have pictures of each other all over your apartments and are normally joined at the hip. Then there are the nicknames you have for one another."
"Betsy." Alex's voice had a low, dangerous quality to it which quieted the younger Benson. "Talk to Eve." she stood carefully. "I need to go lie down again for a little bit."
Betsy nodded. "Ok. If you don’t mind, I'll just chill here for awhile."
"Make yourself comfortable." The doctor trudged slowly to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
Half an hour later, Betsy looked up from the tv when she heard a key in the lock. This should be interesting. She grinned knowingly when the door opened to reveal her sister. "Hey sis."
Eve froze in the middle of hanging her keys by the door. She quickly recovered and walked over to her sister. "Why are you here?"
"Hadn't seen her all week and I wanted answers. Why are you?"
“Tried calling her at the hospital and they said she called off today. I came to check on her." Eve leaned forward against the back of the plaid recliner. "What seems to be wrong?" Concern had her eyebrows knotted together.
"Migrane." Betsy responded simply. Eve closed her eyes, nodding slightly in relief. "Hey, go take care of your girlfriend. I think you're the Benson she really wants to see." The lawyer's bright blues shot open and she stiffened."Don't go all courtroom on me and try to deny it. I’ve had you two figured out for years."
"What? How? When?" Betsy shrugged. "You forgot 'when and ' why. At your law school graduation, you were more touched by Alex's gift than anyone else's and more concerned that she'd left than about the guy you brought to introduce to everyone. After that, everytime I talked to you, it was 'Allie and I this’, ‘Allie and I that’. I figured it was just a matter of time before you guys figured it out for yourselves." She stood and stretched. "I won't be offended if you don't come home tonight, but I need the leys to your place."
Eve strode over to the key hooks by the door and removed her apartment keys which she handed to her sister. "Listen, don't say anything to..."
"Mom and dad? They've got their suspicions, Eve. You need to tell them."
"I know." She said softly.
"Tell Alex I hope she feels better and I better see her again before I leave." Betsy said on her way out of the small apartment.
Eve chuckled softly, locking the door behind her sister. She kicked off her pumps and tossed her black suit jacket on the recliner. She stopped briefly in the bathroom to grab a damp, warm washcloth before entering Alex's bedroom. Alex rolled towards the doorway when she heard the door open. Eve crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed next to her. "How are you feeling?" she placed the washcloth on the redhead's forehead.
"My head hurts." Alex whispered. "Why are..."
"I called the hospital to talk to you and they said you called off today. I left as soon as I could." Alex closed her eyes and nodded, grimacing at the motion. "It's a pretty bad one, huh?"
"Yeah " was the soft reply.
Eve lay down next to her lover and propped her head on her left hand. "I don't want to fight anymore."
"Me neither."
"You always wind up getting sick."
"I do not."
"Do so. Just like you speak your though when your drunk. Just like you talk in your sleep. If we fight, you get sick."
Alex reached up and pulled the cloth from her forehead, placing it on the nightstand instead. "Betsy knows about us, Eve. She said she's had it figured out for awhile now."
"Yeah about my family... I think it's time to tell them."
Alex's gaze searched eve's for any sign of uncertainty. "Are you sure?"
Eve leaned down to capture her lips. "You bet your ass I’m sure."
Alex wrapped her arms around the lawyer pulling her closer."Hmmmm I like your ass better." she growled cupping the buttocks in question and rolling over to trap Eve beneath her. "What about your headache?" Alex's lips attacked Eve's long pale throat, one hand darting beneath the white scoop-necked top. "It's the damnedest thing." She stopped to briefly kiss Eve deeply. "You kissed me and Poof! Goodbye headache." she continued her attack of her lover’s neck.
"God you’re corny." Eve pushed Alex for enough away to rid the doctor of her OSU football t-shirt and then shed her own white blouse and bra.
"You love my corniness." Alex lowered her head to engulf one of Eve's exposed breasts, while palming the other.
Eve arched her breasts into her lover's touch, whimpering with arousal. Alex lifted her head. "Yes I do."
"And I was right."
"Yes you were."
Alex slowly worked down the side zipper of Eve's skirt, quickly removing the garment and tossing it over the side of the bed. "Christ, you're gorgeous." she whispered reverently before kissing her way down the lawyer’s body.
"God I love you, Allie." she murmured tangling her fingers in Alex's curls, urging the doctor to the warm wet heat between her thighs.
Alex lifted her head, smirking lecherously. "You just want me to fuck you senseless." She moved the location of her kisses to Eve's shoulders and collarbones, nipping lightly over the top of her left breast causing Eve to half moan- half gasp in pleasure.
"Allie, don't tease me." Eve whined arching into the feather- light caresses. "And you've got an unfair advantage. You still have your pajama bottoms on."
Alex looked down at the blue and green flannel pants she wore. "Huh." she shrugged and rolled over to lie next to Eve."Oh well, guess we're not gonna have the hot make- up sex then." she fluffed her pillow and closed her eyes."Goodnight."
Eve sat up and stared at her in disbelief. "What the hell just happened here?”
"You didn't like my seduction technique..."
Eve shook her head. "You doctors and your damned egos." She leaned down to deliver a hard, bruising kiss. She guided one of Alex's hands to her center. "Finish what you started."
"Christ you're so wet." Alex muttered in amazement, gently cupping the her partner’s center.
"Only for you, sweetie.” She gasped loudly as Alex lightly grazed her clit.
"It better only be me." the doctor growled against Eve's neck. She drove two fingers deep into Eve's hot slick core in a hard, fast rhythm.
"Shut up, Allie." Eve panted, frantically trying to match the pace being set. Alex wrapped her free hand around her lover's waist and reversed their positions, then replaced her hand with her mouth and tongue quickly sending Eve to her climax. "Oh God!"
Alex kissed her way up Eve's slender body. "So I'm god now, huh?" She kissed the tip of Eve's nose. "I think I can handle that."
Eve groaned and rolled them over, pinning Alex to the mattress. "Do you ever shut up?"
"Not when you're around."
"Well shut up and let me fuck you."
Alex's mouth went dry at Eve's rare vulgarity, "Hey." she whispered softly, gently easing a few strand of dark hair away from her partner's face. Eve raised an eyebrow in question. "I love you."
"Love you, too." Eve lowered her head to deliver a sweet tender meshing of their mouths. "Now shut up so I can worship your body." After that, the only sounds were moans of pleasure and sighs of contentment.