I can't handle this
Seriously breaking down. Under my own pressure to quit smoking and give living a try but I can't. I am very lonely and basically don't have a real life support system. I just drink and think about dying and I know I'm better than that but my happy side won't jostle my depressed side out into playing and having fun with that whole notion. Todd sucks
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I don't know the details, but if you've been cut off from friends because of your current relationship, that's probably not good.
I've spiraled down into depths of depression before, and it's not a good trip. Because I'm stubborn, I've tended to let it go far too long before seeking help. I'm gonna' repeat what coneycat has already said: you need to find some professional assistance sooner rather than later.
I know, it can be quite a difficult step to take, and if you're of a similar mindset to me, then you might think, "I can do this on my own--my will ought to be strong enough to shake it off, and get to a better place. Professional help is for Other people," but the truth of the matter is sometimes things are too much for our own little self to cope with, and we do need to seek out the guidance of those who are more able to assist us in dealing directly with the problems at hand.
Sometimes, I think, even choosing to seek help (and doing so) acts as a choice to live--because I've experienced the terrible flat grey state of not wanting to live, but not really wanting to die either (even if I thought I might, I know, somewhere deep down, that I wanted to continue to live), and I ended up simply circling in a terrible state of depression--which begins the path to healing and self care.
I suggest that you contact the Calgary Counseling Center. They have a sliding rate based on your income, so it is entirely affordable. Doing so will affirm your desire to heal and to live, which will set your mind in motion towards these goals.
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