It's been awhile
It's been a very long while actually.....
As i was checking everyone else's LJs tonight I thought to myself I havent updated in an extremely long time....and I really dont know y
It's not like I have nothing to write cause I can usually think of something not necessarily anything someone wants to read or is and good but at least something....I used to be told I wrote in code...writing but not really making sense except to a select few but still I updated
I remember when I used to write everyday...sometimes even twice a day...I remember when I liked to write it helped me figure things out...sometimes real things sometimes stupid things like what to watch on TV...sometimes just a quote or a song lyric to try to sum things up...especially when things were going bad it helped me to write it out but now things seem so different...
*who can understand the code u write in (and who do u really want to)
*what can u write about without worrying that someones going to read it
*what can u write wishing someone would read it but you know they have stopped reading ur journal a long time ago....then it just seems pointless
* it just comes down to how do u even put ur life into words that other people actually understand
*or even why even bother
If one would go back and read the beginnings of this journal u would be able to follow "my bi-polar cycles"....cause they are very easy to spot...then I was able to somewhat self medicate my self and you could tell when that happened cause the entries started to get more spradic...and then after a short time they started to get more frequent cause for the first time in a long time I was actually happy and wanted to tell people what was going on even if no one cared...then again they started to get less and less frequent mainly for no reason...now it just seems I update like once every 4 months or so and its mostly because I think I have become numb....I have nothing to say I have thoughts or feelings about anything...it partly scares me though cause I feel myself slipping away again and I'm not really sure how to stop it this time
One could read this and say that how you update ur journal has no bearing on ur life and that this is just a bunch of rambling but I know if i go back and look I can see the patterns and has actually had others agree with me...the fact that an online journal can say so much about someone even though what most people write doesnt seem to say much...but if u look close enought u can see alot
As i was checking everyone else's LJs tonight I thought to myself I havent updated in an extremely long time....and I really dont know y
It's not like I have nothing to write cause I can usually think of something not necessarily anything someone wants to read or is and good but at least something....I used to be told I wrote in code...writing but not really making sense except to a select few but still I updated
I remember when I used to write everyday...sometimes even twice a day...I remember when I liked to write it helped me figure things out...sometimes real things sometimes stupid things like what to watch on TV...sometimes just a quote or a song lyric to try to sum things up...especially when things were going bad it helped me to write it out but now things seem so different...
*who can understand the code u write in (and who do u really want to)
*what can u write about without worrying that someones going to read it
*what can u write wishing someone would read it but you know they have stopped reading ur journal a long time ago....then it just seems pointless
* it just comes down to how do u even put ur life into words that other people actually understand
*or even why even bother
If one would go back and read the beginnings of this journal u would be able to follow "my bi-polar cycles"....cause they are very easy to spot...then I was able to somewhat self medicate my self and you could tell when that happened cause the entries started to get more spradic...and then after a short time they started to get more frequent cause for the first time in a long time I was actually happy and wanted to tell people what was going on even if no one cared...then again they started to get less and less frequent mainly for no reason...now it just seems I update like once every 4 months or so and its mostly because I think I have become numb....I have nothing to say I have thoughts or feelings about anything...it partly scares me though cause I feel myself slipping away again and I'm not really sure how to stop it this time
One could read this and say that how you update ur journal has no bearing on ur life and that this is just a bunch of rambling but I know if i go back and look I can see the patterns and has actually had others agree with me...the fact that an online journal can say so much about someone even though what most people write doesnt seem to say much...but if u look close enought u can see alot