(no subject)
i haven't updated in so long...so much shit has happened...
so i never thought i would say this but i miss new york more than anything...dont get me wrong guys, i love bowdoin but nothing compares to new york city. i miss having the options in terms of parties, food, entertainment, shopping, friends...
i miss being independent in terms of being able to go whereever i want whenever, to be able to jump on the train and go whereever i wanted in the city or get on the metro north and go up to westchester or the LIRR and go to the beach...
i hate being in an ugly girl school and being considered "HOTT"...and i know that sounds like it would be ideal, but i miss having guy friends that think of me as a guy and not as a girl. i miss having guy friends that i know i can trust and that if i am drunk they will be there for me and have my back and not try to take advantage of the situation. i miss ted and craig watching out for me and putting me in a cab to take me home when i am drunk. i miss being able to call ted and craig whenever i was sad or depressed and know they will answer their phones...i miss people being racially and culturally understanding.
i hate how i cant go to a party and talk to a guy without him trying to bring me back to his room. i hate how guys think they can grab me and touch me at a party and that i wont get upset. i hate how much drama there is between me and ben and i really am sick of talking about it. im tired of him making me depressed and making me feel like crap and i hate the fact that i see him everyday. i hate how i make him upset and i hate that its so hard for me to forgive and forget and just be his friend.
i miss basketball practice, i miss central park, i miss hookah bars, i miss bar none, i miss the summer, i miss wine, i miss hard amazingly delicious alcohol, i miss jello shots, i miss sex on the beach, i miss cosmos and chapagne, i miss the double kisses on the cheek, i miss hearing french, italian and numerous other languages everyday, i miss the pretty clothes, i miss dressing up to go out for dinner, i miss the museums and the art and the fashion and the beautiful people of new york, i miss my beautiful building, i miss taxis and the smell of subways, i miss the thick air of new york, i miss my beautiful european boys, i miss teddy's mom, i miss my parents, i miss my shoes and my pretty clothes and having to wear cocktail dresses to go out to dinner and doing my make up and my hair and feeling pretty all of the time. i miss the parties in the huge apartments, i miss the streetlights of new york, i miss the smell of alcohol and ciggerettes...i miss the easy classes, i miss going downtown to get drunk play guitar sing dance have stupid drama and all of us pretending to still be friends...
i miss feeling safe...
everytime i go to a party here some guy tries to get me drunk and take me back to his room. thank god for our new york drinking and the fact that i can hold my alcohol very well otherwise i probably would have been taken advatange of a lot. most guys here are surprised by the amount of alcohol i can drink and the fact that i can hold it so well and still have a conversation, i feel like that is such a new york thing...we always got wasted but could still hold conversations...i thought everyone could do that, but obviously not.
i do love bowdoin and i do have a group of friends i can talk to and hang out with and love and i know its only the first few months and everything will work out, but i cant help but compare everything to new york...
last night was the first frost...it is going to snow soon...
so i never thought i would say this but i miss new york more than anything...dont get me wrong guys, i love bowdoin but nothing compares to new york city. i miss having the options in terms of parties, food, entertainment, shopping, friends...
i miss being independent in terms of being able to go whereever i want whenever, to be able to jump on the train and go whereever i wanted in the city or get on the metro north and go up to westchester or the LIRR and go to the beach...
i hate being in an ugly girl school and being considered "HOTT"...and i know that sounds like it would be ideal, but i miss having guy friends that think of me as a guy and not as a girl. i miss having guy friends that i know i can trust and that if i am drunk they will be there for me and have my back and not try to take advantage of the situation. i miss ted and craig watching out for me and putting me in a cab to take me home when i am drunk. i miss being able to call ted and craig whenever i was sad or depressed and know they will answer their phones...i miss people being racially and culturally understanding.
i hate how i cant go to a party and talk to a guy without him trying to bring me back to his room. i hate how guys think they can grab me and touch me at a party and that i wont get upset. i hate how much drama there is between me and ben and i really am sick of talking about it. im tired of him making me depressed and making me feel like crap and i hate the fact that i see him everyday. i hate how i make him upset and i hate that its so hard for me to forgive and forget and just be his friend.
i miss basketball practice, i miss central park, i miss hookah bars, i miss bar none, i miss the summer, i miss wine, i miss hard amazingly delicious alcohol, i miss jello shots, i miss sex on the beach, i miss cosmos and chapagne, i miss the double kisses on the cheek, i miss hearing french, italian and numerous other languages everyday, i miss the pretty clothes, i miss dressing up to go out for dinner, i miss the museums and the art and the fashion and the beautiful people of new york, i miss my beautiful building, i miss taxis and the smell of subways, i miss the thick air of new york, i miss my beautiful european boys, i miss teddy's mom, i miss my parents, i miss my shoes and my pretty clothes and having to wear cocktail dresses to go out to dinner and doing my make up and my hair and feeling pretty all of the time. i miss the parties in the huge apartments, i miss the streetlights of new york, i miss the smell of alcohol and ciggerettes...i miss the easy classes, i miss going downtown to get drunk play guitar sing dance have stupid drama and all of us pretending to still be friends...
i miss feeling safe...
everytime i go to a party here some guy tries to get me drunk and take me back to his room. thank god for our new york drinking and the fact that i can hold my alcohol very well otherwise i probably would have been taken advatange of a lot. most guys here are surprised by the amount of alcohol i can drink and the fact that i can hold it so well and still have a conversation, i feel like that is such a new york thing...we always got wasted but could still hold conversations...i thought everyone could do that, but obviously not.
i do love bowdoin and i do have a group of friends i can talk to and hang out with and love and i know its only the first few months and everything will work out, but i cant help but compare everything to new york...
last night was the first frost...it is going to snow soon...