(no subject)
To be absolutely fair, nothing happened today. So I may have to think through this hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. I would write some song lyrics but I'm just not that emo.
Yesterday was a horrible day. I was in the Gulbenkian Theatre from 10am-10pm without a break and I had to cue the whole show, mess the actors about by not getting the hang of it and had to sit inbetween the director who hates me, and the tutor who thinks I'm crap. Not a confidence boosting exercise as such. I came home, sat on my bed and cried for 20 minutes straight. I can't wait for Saturday morning when I can go home. I can't wait more for Monday evening when I know all my coursework is over and I can go out and celebrate mine and Nick's belated birthdays in style. Although, the Julia/Lucy/Sophie clique worry is still there. I wish BB was going, she only left a few hours ago but I get a feeling I'm gonna miss her lots this week.
I set my alarm for 4pm today cos I was just so scared I wouldn't wake up, even though I went to bed at 1am. I woke up at midday, my first lie in in weeks and that was very nice indeed. It's now becoming hard to think of anything I did.
I put my washing on the radiator.
I wrote on some post its.
I texted my mum.
Yep, that's how interesting it got. Ooh apart from a break to watch Neighbours which was hilarious - Harold was drinking and eating meat! So funny, I almost wet myself. Almost.
I then, honestly, did NOTHING until stage management at 6. Had a shower. Saw Charlotte for a bit. Tidied up my room for the girls to have the Ann Summers party tomorrow night. I'm still debating whether to go or skip it. Both options have their good points.
Then rehearsal at 6, we basically did a tech without the lights. Which was helpful. I hate cueing so much - I'm crap. It's honestly made me think about what I'm good at in life, and I've realised I'm not that great anything. Like, most people have a skill, like being able to sing or play an instrument or just have some talent. My acting's obviously got rapidly downhill seeing as I was described as a 'lifeless mannequin' in the review of The Trial. I can't stage manage. Everyone says 'Oh! But you directed a show!' Guys, it was easy. Anyone can say "Ok cross to the bookcase" and they're instantly a director. I really have no skill in life. Sorry to sound all depressing for a second but it makes me wonder if I'll ever be any use in life. I've started to hate my personality too - I'm always butting in and always talking about myself. I'm so self conscious of both and I hate it. Ohhhh someone pass me a new personality pleeease.
Just thought of something else I did, I went to the shop and bought a Creme Egg.
I really ought to go to bed, I'm in the Gulbenkian Theatre all day again tomorrow. Woop woop. My tutor'll probably be there to have a go at me again.
I'm in the mood to watch Love Actually as it'll give me that fuzzy warm feeling but I know that as soon as I lie down after watching it I'll think about my love life and then get all depressed again. I'm not a happy Jess today am I! I need to cheer up though *...thinks of starving kids in Africa...* ok, that hasn't cheered me up.
Listening to: Lit - Sunny Weather
Yesterday was a horrible day. I was in the Gulbenkian Theatre from 10am-10pm without a break and I had to cue the whole show, mess the actors about by not getting the hang of it and had to sit inbetween the director who hates me, and the tutor who thinks I'm crap. Not a confidence boosting exercise as such. I came home, sat on my bed and cried for 20 minutes straight. I can't wait for Saturday morning when I can go home. I can't wait more for Monday evening when I know all my coursework is over and I can go out and celebrate mine and Nick's belated birthdays in style. Although, the Julia/Lucy/Sophie clique worry is still there. I wish BB was going, she only left a few hours ago but I get a feeling I'm gonna miss her lots this week.
I set my alarm for 4pm today cos I was just so scared I wouldn't wake up, even though I went to bed at 1am. I woke up at midday, my first lie in in weeks and that was very nice indeed. It's now becoming hard to think of anything I did.
I put my washing on the radiator.
I wrote on some post its.
I texted my mum.
Yep, that's how interesting it got. Ooh apart from a break to watch Neighbours which was hilarious - Harold was drinking and eating meat! So funny, I almost wet myself. Almost.
I then, honestly, did NOTHING until stage management at 6. Had a shower. Saw Charlotte for a bit. Tidied up my room for the girls to have the Ann Summers party tomorrow night. I'm still debating whether to go or skip it. Both options have their good points.
Then rehearsal at 6, we basically did a tech without the lights. Which was helpful. I hate cueing so much - I'm crap. It's honestly made me think about what I'm good at in life, and I've realised I'm not that great anything. Like, most people have a skill, like being able to sing or play an instrument or just have some talent. My acting's obviously got rapidly downhill seeing as I was described as a 'lifeless mannequin' in the review of The Trial. I can't stage manage. Everyone says 'Oh! But you directed a show!' Guys, it was easy. Anyone can say "Ok cross to the bookcase" and they're instantly a director. I really have no skill in life. Sorry to sound all depressing for a second but it makes me wonder if I'll ever be any use in life. I've started to hate my personality too - I'm always butting in and always talking about myself. I'm so self conscious of both and I hate it. Ohhhh someone pass me a new personality pleeease.
Just thought of something else I did, I went to the shop and bought a Creme Egg.
I really ought to go to bed, I'm in the Gulbenkian Theatre all day again tomorrow. Woop woop. My tutor'll probably be there to have a go at me again.
I'm in the mood to watch Love Actually as it'll give me that fuzzy warm feeling but I know that as soon as I lie down after watching it I'll think about my love life and then get all depressed again. I'm not a happy Jess today am I! I need to cheer up though *...thinks of starving kids in Africa...* ok, that hasn't cheered me up.
Listening to: Lit - Sunny Weather