We do what we do to get by and then we need a release
I was looking forward to my grad party Saturday until today when I realized that once all the party stuff is done I'm going to be left with the fact I have no job and, as of right now, nowhere to live. I'm afraid of the let down-- it hasn't really hit me that the stage in my life where I have thus far been happiest has ended. True, I will still be in the East Bay (I will be continuing to facilitate Female Sexuality) but, for the first time in 18 years, I will not be a student. I think I'm going to get myself some GRE books and start writing more often (I think I'm going to go for a master's in creative writing). I'm trying to be excited about this new stage in my life, and part of me is. I'm looking forward to having a kitchen again (score!) and being financially independent (I've been wanting that for awhile). However, I'm still a bit worried about finding a job I won't hate and adjusting to a whole new life. I'm sure everything will work out in the end, but it is a little nerve wracking in the process.
I know I've grown so much this past year, and I will continue to grow. It's strange to think how much different I feel from a year ago. I feel like I've learned some really important things about myself, especially the process of learning to figure out and express my needs. It hasn't always been easy and I've certainly done my fair share of fucking up, but I feel like I really have done the best I could. And that is all I can ask of myself.
I know I've grown so much this past year, and I will continue to grow. It's strange to think how much different I feel from a year ago. I feel like I've learned some really important things about myself, especially the process of learning to figure out and express my needs. It hasn't always been easy and I've certainly done my fair share of fucking up, but I feel like I really have done the best I could. And that is all I can ask of myself.