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[penny_cokes]

i had a dream last night that i had two daughters, young blonde daughters in pink bathing suits taking swimming lessons at a day camp while i worked all day at some office - not a nice, white-collar office, it was like i was a secretary for some lawyer slash mobster slash money launderer and the office was a total slum, a roach motel. and i wore

Comments

TWO (one was the intro btw)

[soyeahlike]

This guy on the bus had a paper bag, I couldn’t see what was in it, but it smelled like glazed donuts. When I was little we called them honeydew donuts, I think. I think but I can’t really remember. I remember early early every morning, when it was still dark out, my dad would pick me up from my moms in Dorchester, to drive me to school. And he always stopped at dunkin donuts before he picked me up, and brought me a donut. it used to be I liked those chocolate glazed ones, I can’t even talk about it now because it’s so gross. I don’t know if I had to many of them back then, or if at some point I realised what I was eating, anyway, i hate chocolate glazed donuts. It probably was the overload factor, cause I still sometimes like glazed donuts. that shit is good!anyway. I got off the bus and hauled my books to the bookstore for the buyback. mostly there’s only my german texts left, the past three weeks have been so broke i’ve sold off every book i don’t desperately need, need it to survive. I’m taking german next term so really i shouldn’t be selling my texts & cds, but it’s a choice between cash now, enabling me to buy food, bus transfers, you know, live my life, and no cash now, but having the book.
Of course, when i was reckoning all this out I assumed they’d, you know, give me at least HALF of what I paid for the fucking things. 200$, for two books and eight cds. I expected maybe 60, hopefully 80. still a bad bargain, considering I’d just have to buy them back in two months, but by then i’d have money, so it sort of made sense.
After checking their pristine condition (of course-they’ve never been used, not even the workbook!) the girl behind the counter offered me
‘-18 dollars?’ I gaped at her.
but really, not much choice. i’m not going to be able to haul my clothes to buffalo exchange & red light til Monday, that leaves six days, six days on five dollars.
Honestly, i need to get my ass going, I need to give myself a bikini wax and get down to jiggles or the sugar shack and audition. i was planning on whoring again, i had it mostly set up, i needed a cellphone and maybe a wig, mostly so i’m not instantly recognizable if they run into me on the street (portland is an effin small town, ya huh) and then i was gonna start. but I had my trial two days ago, it got put off of course, but still. Seeing the cops, how the cops treated the defendants, the d.a’s assistant… the whole FUCKING legal system. i rethought my whole plan while listening to the judge and watching a cop snigger after having tricked a guy back into the courtroom after his case had been dismissed. the case had been DISMISSED because this cop, a redfaced asshole with a handlebar mustache, hadn’t shown up, and the poor guy was let off. three minutes later Asshole showed up. they told him the whole case had been dismissed and he walked back out, i figured he was happy not to have to sit in the courtroom. but no. the fucker came back in dragging that guy by the elbow, looking mildly sick. Apparently he’d been told that because the cop had shown up, he was back on. The judge stopped and explained it to him in a snide manner while Asshole laughed with his buddies in blue polyester.
Sitting there with this shining example of our legal system enacted before me (and with the prosecutor trying to push the judge to try my case today, regardless of the fact that i had no legal counsel) it seemed like a really good idea to put my foray in

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

I listened to cold cold water for the first time a month or so ago, not so long ago. My old housemate really loved Mirah, and so she played me some of her songs. Not cold cold water, but light the match and a few others, that I don’t remember now. I loved light the match. Later I looked for the cd that had it at Jackpot, bringing it up to the counter a bit surreptitiously because I was ashamed, the cd came out, what, two years ago, and I’m just buying it now. Michelle Tea wrote about having similar feelings and I was soothed, but still. Sometimes, often, I feel unworthy of living in Portland.
I’m in this weird, transitional phase right now. It feels like everyone is leaving, if not forever at least for a month. And most of the people I’m closest to are on the east coast. Everything feels so temporary right now. So I heard cold cold water, and… I can’t think of a way to describe it! it felt big. I could see the road stretching out to forever in front of me, unrolling like young lust. I listened to it constantly, at bus stops I wanted to tilt my head back and just spin, arms out, eyes to the sky. I was at the very beginnings of what promised to be an epic crush on this guy I vaguely knew, but was sending Amelie-esque notes to. I decided Mirah would be the soundtrack to my romance.

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

okay, so maybe one of my problems is that this is all imagery/phrases/whatever that I've done in my lj, because I INTENDED to incorporate it in my zine, but better. but I don't think I have done it better.

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

ohmygoshmisty,noresponse!howwillilive?!
i will entertain myself by adding MORE comments to this entry EVERY DAY until you update. 33 is the GOAL.

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

what are we on now, six?

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

not that much further to go.

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

well!
so I went into class today to talk to my professors about maybe saving my ass somehow and not utterly FAILING me, like maybe have me audit or something!. First was the english lit guy, Mr. Megorical!

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

and do you KNOW what he SAID?

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

he SAID 'well uh i gave you a NO PASS but that's better than like um a FAIL' and I was like OH YEAH WAY BETTER FUCKER! UNFAIR! YOU JUST NO I GOT BETTAH GRAMMAH THAN YOUS AND YER PUNISHIN ME FOR IT! YA HUH

Re: THREE

[soyeahlike]

and then when I was storming off I noticed my writing professor sitting at a desk, she'd been watching all that and you KNOW she's a total dyke (or maybe lesbian, JESUS SOMEONE VERY SMELLY JUST SAT DOWN. dammit) anyway, so she sat down and was like what happened? and I told her every traumatising detail of the past month, mostly about getting arrested and my trial and my lawyer and they're both ultra liberal, the dude turned around and MAYBE that made him think better of NOT PASSING such a stellar community minded activist, ya know? but she ate it up (that sounds abd like I was lyin and I wasn't!) and so!

(btw, I meant BAD up there, not abd)

[soyeahlike]

so she just gave me a monthandahalf to turn in the last paper. holy jesus! she likes me. *preens*
and, yeah. so that's good. and she gamme 200/200 on my michelle tea life saving paper. YEEHAW

hmm

[soyeahlike]

what are we at now?

Re: hmm

[soyeahlike]

also look! new pictures!

fifteen!

[soyeahlike]

only, ummm.
fifteen plus thirty three, I mean minus! aaaah. i hate math.
but almost half way there!

seventeen!

[soyeahlike]

this is the SEVENTEENTH.
do you like the yeah yeah yeahs? I got MACHINE stuck in my head. Karen O! machine, macheeee yeeeeeen

Re: seventeen!

[soyeahlike]

also, my roommate! she is so nice! I <3 her. She wants to trade rooms with me, which is partially good (fifty$ less a month in rent for me!) and partially sad, cause I <3<3<3 my room, and I can climb out the window and sit on the roof and smoke and pretend to wait for ALEC to ride up on his bike, though I actually might really be waiting, even though I know it won't happen. hmmm)