Proper Visitor Protocol, Ch 4/?
Title: Proper Visitor Protocol
Chapter: 4/?
Pairings: Sheldon/Penny, Penny/Leonard, Sheldon/Amy
Rating: PG-13
Words: 6288
Summary: Penny is dating Leonard. Sheldon is dating Amy. So why does it seem like they spend all of their time with each other? And should they enjoy it, even the fighting, as much as they do?
Spoilers: Anything up to and including the season five finale.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
A/N: Hmm. Not much to say this chapter, just that I would love to receive more reviews. This chapter's lyrics are from 'With a Little Help from My Friends' by The Beatles. I would like to thank my Livejournal reviewers: jandjsalmon and my one anonymous reviewer. I love hearing from my readers; it lets me know that my writing is worth my time and effort. Please read and review! Thanks!
Chapter Three: Penny Time
What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)
Smiling at the customers sitting in front of her, Penny balanced her tray on one hand. Using her other, she began to distribute the food to the family of four. Keeping up a conversation with the mother about how adorable her identical twin toddlers were and listening to her discuss how difficult they were to raise, she felt someone walk up next to her. Turning her head slightly since she was rarely interrupted when she was serving a table, she saw that the hostess was standing there.
"Laney?" she questioned curiously, spotting the anxious expression on the other woman's face.
The brunette leaned in and whispered, "Crazy Tuesday burger guy is here and he's asking for you."
"Oh, he's not crazy. His mother had him tested," Penny responded automatically even as her tray tipped precariously in her surprise.
Laney stared at her for a moment before saying, "Okay then. He's sitting at his usual table."
After she walked away, Penny quickly finished distributing the food to the family. Heading back to the kitchen, she deposited her tray. She took a moment to wonder about Laney's announcement.
What on Earth was Sheldon doing here? It was Wednesday; he most definitely shouldn't be here. Burger night was last night, and he and Raj had come in. Penny had served them, of course, but it had been so quiet without Leonard and Howard there. She frowned as a thought occurred to her. Now that Howard was married, would he even continue with the traditional schedule? Would Bernadette be okay with following that or would they stop seeing him as he spent his time with his wife? The thought left Penny feeling surprisingly melancholy. Sure, he was kind of disgusting, but he was still one of her friends. And he had been much better since he fell in love with Bernie.
Shrugging off those thoughts, Penny turned her attention back to the current problem. What was Sheldon doing here on a day other than Tuesday? Honestly, if he kept bothering her at work, she was going to get in trouble. And, unlike Sam, she wasn't willing to sleep with her boss to get out of it.
Pasting on her smile, Penny left the kitchen and approached the table where her whack-a-doodle neighbor was sitting stiffly in his usual chair watching a waiter serve, an expression of distaste on his face. Taking her place at the end of the table, Penny pulled out her order pad.
"Hi, sweetie," she greeted him perkily. "I didn't expect to see you here tonight."
He looked up at her. "Of course you didn't. Tonight is not burger night."
She rolled her eyes. "That was kind of my point. So, what are you doing here?"
"It's..." he began but paused as his gaze flickered over her shoulder. He changed direction in alarm. "Dear Lord, Penny, that waiter has his finger in that woman's soup."
Penny glanced behind her to find that Brent had in fact gripped the bowl in a way that placed his finger in the liquid. Wrinkling her nose at the sight, she turned back to Sheldon who was watching her expectantly.
"What?" she questioned.
"Tell him to stop," he demanded, his voice whiny.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm not his boss, Sheldon. Even if I tell him to quit, he won't listen to me."
Penny knew this to be the case because she had already talked to Brent about his tendency to touch his customers' food. She didn't think that she had been rude or pushy when she approached him, but he had gotten defensive, called her a brainless slut who only had her job because their boss thought she was hot, and then walked away. Penny really had no desire to repeat that experience, so she wasn't going to bother him about that particular flaw again.
Sheldon's expression reflected his disappointment. "Well, Penny, if you lack the courage to confront that poor excuse of a waiter, then I shall have to do it myself."
Taken aback, Penny's eyes widened as Sheldon stood up. He really was determined to get her in trouble!
"Oh, Sheldon, I don't really think that's such a good idea," she stated in an attempt to dissuade him.
"Nonsense. I am a customer, so he must listen to me. I am always right."
She had a feeling that he didn't just mean that in the 'the customer is always right' sense. Penny could only watch helplessly as Sheldon approached Brent and began to lecture him on the transfer of germs through food. Wishing her hair was down so that she could hide behind it in embarrassment, she waited for the moment when Brent's gaze settled on her. Everyone knew that Sheldon was her friend so any time he caused problems, the consequences fell on her.
When Brent opted to walk away instead of confronting her, she breathed a sigh of relief. Sure, the look on his face said that she would have to deal with him later, but at least he was being professional enough to keep their issues out of the customers' eyes. She would just do her best to avoid him for a while. When Sheldon retook his seat, Penny leaned down.
"Was that really necessary?" she hissed.
He stared up at her blankly. "Of course it was. He was demonstrating an entirely improper food service technique. Someone had to tell him and save his unfortunate customers. Not everyone can be seated in your section."
Straightening up, Penny blinked down at him for a moment as his words rang in her ears. She was pretty sure that was a compliment, and even if it wasn't, she was definitely going to take it as one. Choosing not to address it, though, for fear that he would ruin the moment, Penny chose instead to go back to her initial question.
"So why are you here on Halo night, Sheldon?"
"It is new comic book night," he pointed out. "I require a ride to the comic book store."
She frowned. "Where's Raj? I thought he would take you."
"He has an ill-advised date with an alleged woman whom he met on the internet," Sheldon explained dismissively. "He was unavailable to take me, so I requested that he drop me off here so that you could take me to the comic book store."
"Why didn't you just take the bus?" she questioned. "Or have him drop you off at the store?"
His expression showed that he was positively scandalized by the suggestion.
"The bus is a hotbed for multiple germs and bacteria!" he exclaimed. "It is a small, enclosed space into which multiple strangers have crowded. I have not built up any sort of immunity to their germs since I never spend time with them as I do you, Leonard, and the others. There is an unreasonably high chance that I would contract some sort of illness which would cause my work to suffer, placing my chances for a Nobel Prize in jeopardy. That would be an unacceptable consequence simply because I rode the bus to the comic book store," he elaborated before adding as an afterthought, "Or home from it after Raj left me there."
Penny rested her hand on her forehead as she shook it. She was definitely developing a pain there and she was pretty sure it had Sheldon written all over it.
"Oh, Penny. You shouldn't touch your face when you're handling food," he admonished.
Lifting her head, she grimaced.
"I'll wash them before I deal with anyone's food," she assured him. "So there's no way you're going to leave me alone tonight, is there?"
"I need you to take me to the comic book store," he reiterated. "Plus, it's Halo night, and since the others have abandoned the schedule, your presence is necessary."
There was a strange note in his voice. Curious, Penny studied him, really studied him. She wasn't thrilled with what she saw. They weren't even a full week into the altered schedule (that would come tomorrow), and he clearly wasn't coping well with the changes. She could tell by the way his left eye was twitching even though he wasn't lying and no one had interrupted him. It was the tinge of desperation in his voice when he talked about her coming to Halo night. Hell, it was the fact that he was even sitting here in the Cheesecake Factory on a Wednesday, begging her to take him to the comic book store in a way that was disguised as ordering her to do just that.
She sighed with understanding. Sheldon was a schedule-driven guy. It was both one of his worst features and one of his best. Worst because it meant that he was extremely inflexible, and best because whenever someone needed him, it was extraordinarily easy to find him. But with Leonard working nights and Howard in space, his routine had fallen apart. Even Raj had bailed on him tonight for the ever-elusive (for him) possibility of sex. Was it really any surprise that Sheldon was trying to recruit her into helping him stay on schedule? She usually joined them for Halo night, although she rarely ever visited the comic book store. She frowned slightly. Halo wouldn't be much fun with just the two of them, though.
"Oh, Sheldon," she sighed, biting her lip slightly as an idea occurred to her. "I think I would get really bored simply watching you respawn over and over again."
She watched with amusement as he stiffened even further in his seat and glared at her.
"I can assure you that you are not that excellent a player," he stated firmly.
Penny laughed at his outrage.
"Just keep telling yourself that, sweetie," she said with a smile. "The point is, Halo is something that we play with the whole group. One on one won't be as much fun as teams."
His face fell slightly, and she hurried to complete her thought.
"Instead of Halo, how about if after the comic book store, we stop by the supermarket? I'll get the ingredients for spaghetti and we can eat that and watch a movie or something tonight."
"Can we have cut up hot dogs in it?" he asked immediately.
She grinned. "Of course. Wouldn't have it any other way."
His face was much happier than she'd seen it since she'd first walked up to his table.
"That is certainly acceptable," he agreed enthusiastically. "I'll pick a movie, and I'll even try to find something that you can both understand and enjoy."
She wanted to roll her eyes at that comment because, honestly, to hear him talk you'd think she was a complete moron. However, the sight of the tiny but genuine smile on his face was too gratifying for her to ruin what was actually a sweet gesture on his part.
"Fine, Sheldon," she said with a nod. "Now, unless you're going to order something, move your ass so that an actual, tipping customer can sit here."
Grumbling about rude waitresses, Sheldon stood up and walked into the waiting area, resettling on one of the benches there. Penny just watched him with an amused grin.
ooooo
Knock, knock, knock.
"Penny."
Knock, knock, knock.
"Penny."
Knock, knock, knock.
"Penny."
The sound of Sheldon's OCD knock and the unique way that he said her name pulled Penny from a wonderful, naughty dream about Christian Bale. She was definitely happy that he had chosen Batman Begins for their movie last night. Watching the really hot Bruce Wayne kick butt was just what she needed after a long day at work. And was any other Batman villain as hot as Cillian Murphy? She was just snuggling back into her pillow, the reason she had woken forgotten in the memories of her dream and a desperate desire to resume it, when the knocks sounded again.
Completely sure that it was way too early for him to be waking her up, Penny squinted over at the alarm clock on her nightstand. When she saw that it was just 7:30, she groaned. Kicking the covers off, she stumbled toward the door, pulling her tank top down to cover her stomach. Upon reaching the front door, she yanked it open and slumped against the door frame, one arm braced against it.
Penny stared blearily up at the whack-a-doodle from her position. He was dressed in his traditional plaid pants and Green Lantern T-shirt with a long-sleeved purple thermal underneath. She mused briefly that he must be really hot when he went outside like that given that it was summer in California. Letting her eyes slide up from the graphic on his shirt, she moved past the strap of his messenger bag that crossed his chest. However, when she reached his neck, her gaze stopped.
Because Dr. Sheldon Cooper had his hands curled protectively around it. If she wasn't so tired and pissed off that he had woke her up so early, she would have laughed at the sight. He had clearly taken her warning about waking her up before eleven seriously.
Meeting his eyes, she saw the cautious expression on his face and the matching wariness in his eyes. Blowing her bangs out of her face, she grimaced.
"What?" she practically growled at him, determined not to let his cute appearance affect her.
Wait. Had she just thought of Sheldon as cute? In disbelief, she rubbed at one eye with the arm that wasn't supporting her on the frame. She must be really tired. Although, she thought with a tilt of her head, he was kind of cute in the way that puppies are cute.
"You shouldn't rub your eye like that. Unless you want an infection," he admonished her sternly.
Her irritation returned swiftly. That was much better and much more normal. She dropped her hand.
"Sheldon Lee Cooper," she hissed his full name so he would know he was in trouble. "It is 7:30 in the morning. Why in the hell did you wake me up?"
He tightened his grip on his neck and leaned back slightly at the venom in her tone.
"I require a ride to work."
Letting her head fall to the side with a thump on the frame, she scowled.
"I thought Raj was supposed to do that."
"He was," Sheldon confirmed. "However, he called me a mere five minutes ago and informed me that he was calling in sick. While I suspect that he is not sick, but instead either successfully completed coitus, which would have required the consumption of alcohol..."
Initiated maybe, but probably not completed, Penny thought and then instantly felt horrible for it. She was not nice in the mornings unless she'd had really great sex the previous night. Or was still a little drunk.
"...or, more likely, is currently suffering a hang over after drinking himself into oblivion for his failure to initiate coitus, I do not have sufficient evidence to force him to take me to work. And if he truly is sick, I certainly have no desire to risk catching his illness. Therefore, I need you to give me a ride to work," he concluded.
"I don't suppose I could convince you to take the bus just this once?" she asked even though she knew it was futile.
"I explained my position on buses yesterday. Even with your average mind, you can't possibly have forgotten already."
"You're not helping your case there, sweetie," she pointed out, her tone sweet but her expression decidedly not. "Why should I give you a ride? What do I get out of it?"
His eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," she stressed the words, "that you woke me up really early on my day off, and you're always a pain in the ass when I drive you anywhere. So if I drag myself out of bed to help you, I want something for it."
Penny felt a little cruel for insisting on this, but she thought it would be a good lesson for Sheldon. He always asked for special treatment and insisted that everyone else follow his schedules without giving a thought to how inconvenient it might be to them. Normally, she would just give him the ride, but not today. It was her day off, and she never had Thursdays off. She should have been able to sleep until eleven today and now she couldn't. Because of him.
"You've never asked me for a favor in exchange for a ride before," he said in dismay.
"You're right," she agreed. "I haven't. However, you've also never woken me up this early for a ride before. This time it's more than just a minor inconvenience. You've disrupted my plans to sleep in and once I'm up for as long as it takes to drive you to Caltech and then come back home, I won't be able to get back to sleep." She paused for a moment and tapped her finger against her lips. "It would be like if I woke you up at 2 AM and kept you up and driving around town for an hour. You know damn well that you would complain the entire time and probably demand something in return, if you agreed to come along at all."
He frowned. "But don't you usually work the lunch shift on Thursdays? And why would you need to wake me up to drive you around town? Unless you injured yourself again."
At the mention of her fall in the shower and the automatic reminder of how he had helped her, she winced guiltily. Yes, he had griped the entire time, but he had also set aside all of his plans for the night to take her to the hospital. And he had sung 'Soft Kitty' to her drugged ass even though he clearly hadn't wanted to. The memory made her feel like a bitch for extorting a favor from him when he just needed a ride to work.
"Never mind, Sheldon," she said with a sigh. "Give me thirty seconds to change and I'll drive you."
When she came out of her bedroom a minute later dressed in sweats and a T-shirt, her hair in a messy ponytail, she found Sheldon staring around her chaotic living room in dismay.
"I know, I know," she preempted before he could start in on the state of her apartment. "I've been working a lot lately and I just haven't had the time to clean. C'mon, sweetie, let's go if you're going to get to work on time."
Once they were on their way to Caltech down Euclid Avenue (his protest had been met with a sharp glare from her), she finally started to feel a little more awake.
"Penny," Sheldon said from the passenger seat. "Your check engine light..."
"Is on," she finished for him. "I know, Sheldon. Don't start."
They were silent for a couple of minutes. When she pulled to a stop at a red light, she glanced over at him and saw that his eye was twitching, no doubt because she had cut off both of his complaints. Wanting to distract him before he started up anyway, she asked the first thing to cross her mind.
"So what are you doing tonight, sweetie?"
"As you know, it's pizza night," he stated before frowning slightly. "However, Amy Farrah Fowler asked me if we could have our missed date tonight."
She accelerated when the light turned green. "Where are you guys going?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Penny," he admonished brusquely. "I rejected her proposition. Tonight isn't our date night. It's pizza night."
"Sheldon!" she squealed, reaching over to smack him on the arm and ignoring the way he flinched. "You can't do that! When your girlfriend asks you for a redo of a date she had to cancel, you're supposed to accept. It's the common social convention!"
"But you turn down Leonard's requests for coitus on a regular basis," he mentioned, his voice confused.
"That's different. Coi..." she caught herself. "Sex isn't something that I can just do. I have to be in the mood for it, and that's how most people are. But when your girlfriend wants to spend time with you, then you should agree unless you've already made plans."
"I do..."
"Eating pizza by yourself doesn't count," she interrupted.
She saw him twitch in her peripheral vision before he answered.
"I thought you would come over and eat the pizza with me while we watched The Dark Knight," he explained simply, glancing over at her.
Her stomach squirmed strangely at his words and her hands tightened on the steering wheel as she turned into Caltech's parking lot. She felt more than a little uncomfortable at the idea that he had turned down a date with Amy in order to hang out with her. Then again, maybe she shouldn't be. While with most guys that would be a sign that he was checking out of the relationship, this was Sheldon. She was around most nights since she was dating his roommate and lived right across the hall, so she was probably just more a part of his routine than Amy was. Plus, having a girlfriend was still new to him, so he probably didn't understand how others might see him hanging out alone with her on a night when he had said no to his girlfriend's offer to spend time together. Feeling much more reassured, she pulled to a stop in front of the doors.
Turning to face him, she said, "You should probably tell Amy that you're free tonight, sweetie. I actually have plans to go out dancing with the girls from work."
"Oh."
She could have sworn that she heard a soft note of disappointment in his tone, but if it was there, it was quickly buried in panic.
"You will pick me up from work, though, right?" he asked in alarm, climbing out of the car. "I'm the only one here today, and I refuse to ask any of the unpleasant people with whom I work."
"I'll be waiting here when you get off," she promised him. "Have a good day, sweetie! Change the face of physics as we know it!"
He paused and stuck his head back in for a moment.
"I will certainly put forth my best efforts," he declared.
She smiled at the sincerity in his voice and on his face.
"I know you will," she stated. "I have faith in you."
His blue eyes were shining as he offered her a small smile, a real one, not his kill Batman one. As she looked at it, she thought to herself that he should do that more often. It made him look much more approachable and reminded her of his shy smile the day they had met.
And then he was gone, and Penny started home in a much better mood than when she had woken up.
ooooo
Penny let herself into apartment 4A that night shortly before ten. She was in a really good mood in spite of ending her night so much earlier than usual. Molly, who was all healed up, and Laney had a couple of excellent ideas to help her earn money for Scott's plane ticket. She could work on Laney's as early as tomorrow and Molly's plan would be in place on Saturday. Plus, several guys had bought her drinks. While she had of course turned down all of their invitations to come back to their places because she had Leonard, it made her feel good about herself to know that she still appealed to men outside of Leonard, Raj, the busboy Alex, and the sexual harassers that made work miserable. She had also drank all of the tequila they bought her, so she was feeling pretty happily buzzed. She hadn't had to buy a single drink.
Closing the door behind her, she turned around and found Amy staring up at her from the center cushion of the couch. She buried a frown at the sight. That was her spot.
"Bestie!" the brunette cried happily, climbing to her feet. "I wasn't expecting your glorious presence tonight."
Penny started to shake her head but quickly stopped as that made the world spin around her.
"I didn't know that you would be here either. So, Sheldon called you, then?"
Amy nodded, a bright smile on her face.
"He invited me over for pizza and a movie in place of our date night last week. I had to cancel."
"Mm-hmm," Penny hummed absentmindedly, walking slowly to the kitchen. Maybe a glass of water would help with the spinning. "How is Ricky's withdrawal going?"
Amy trailed her to the island, her cheerful expression revealing how happy she was that Penny had asked.
"He's doing much better. He has been 'on the wagon', as the phrase goes, for long enough that his fits of rage that result in feces smeared across my refrigerator are extremely rare now."
Pausing with the newly full water glass to her lips, Penny's nose wrinkled in disgust at the thought.
"That's really gross, Amy. I think I'd get a new apartment if I were you," she suggested.
Amy let out a small, odd-sounding laugh. "That's what Sheldon said too."
"Penny? I thought you were out with your co-workers."
Speaking of the whack-a-doodle. Sipping her water, she turned her head to the hallway from which Sheldon had just emerged. Lowering the glass, she shrugged.
"It's almost ten, right?"
He gave her an approving smile. "It is."
They looked at each other for a few moments before the sound of a throat clearing broke off their eye contact.
"What happens at ten?" Amy piped up curiously.
Sheldon turned his attention to his girlfriend while Penny drained her glass.
"Every night at ten Penny and I watch Scrubs. Since it is my Penny time, I'm afraid that I have to end our date now and ask you to leave."
Penny choked on the last bit of water with his final words. She coughed and sputtered as Amy patted her on the back in an effort to help her breathe. Once she had recovered, she looked over her shoulder at Amy.
"You don't have to go, Amy. You can join us if you want," she offered.
"But Penny..." Sheldon began to whine.
"No, sweetie. She's your girlfriend. You can't kick her out like that unless you kick me out too," she directed him.
Amy seemed uncertain. "I don't want to intrude."
"You're not," Penny reassured her, sending a quick, silencing glare at Sheldon. "I want to hang out with you a bit before I go to bed."
"Then I would love to stay," she said, her tone laced with happiness. "But first I have to urinate."
As soon as Amy was out of the room, Penny shook her head and then steadied herself on the counter when the room began to spin again. Sheldon watched her intently for a moment before shaking his own head.
"You are drunk."
It was a statement of fact, not a question.
"I'm not. I'm just buzzed," Penny corrected him. "I'll be fine with some sleep and water. Maybe a little hungover, but I've dealt with worse in the past."
His expression reflecting just a bit of disappointment, he finally left his place in the mouth of the hallway to round the corner into the kitchen. He opened the cabinet that she knew held their canned vegetables (arranged in alphabetical order by expiration date) and pushed aside something on the bottom shelf, pulling out a small white bottle. Opening it, he poured out some of the contents and put the closed bottle back in place, carefully arranging the cans inside so that they appeared untouched. Then he came to a stop in front of her.
"Take these."
Holding out her hand automatically, she looked at the small, white pills that he dropped there. Glancing back up at him, she raised her eyebrow inquisitively.
"Aspirin?"
"Acetaminophen," he amended. "Take it now and it will help with your potential hangover. You'll want to take more after you wake up, though, if you're in pain."
Penny knew that, but she definitely didn't think he would. He didn't drink, after all, and he rarely associated with the rest of them when they did.
"Why Sheldon Cooper," she teased, a mischievous grin stretching her lips. "How do you know about hangover prevention? Have you been drinking when we're not around?"
His eyes darkened and his brows drew together in a way that made her smile drop. She didn't like the bleak expression on his face; it seemed out of place.
"Hardly," he responded. "It's something I picked up as a child."
As he headed toward the couch, Penny watched him. What on Earth had his childhood been like that that was a lesson he had learned? She hadn't figured out the painkiller trick until Kurt taught it to her when she was nineteen. She could tell by his expression that the subject was closed, though, so she didn't ask. Instead, she turned back to the sink to refill her glass.
"I feel much better now," Amy announced, reentering the room.
Penny downed the pills but paused when she started to the couch. Sheldon was in his spot, of course, but Amy was sitting at the other end of the couch instead of next to him as Penny had expected her to. Hesitating, she stared between the two of them. Sheldon was focused on the TV, the remote in his hand, and Amy was staring at Penny in that way that always made her squirm. It was the gaze that made her wonder if Amy was maybe attracted to her.
"You look positively ravishing tonight, bestie," Amy announced, giving Penny a once-over. "Sheldon said that you were with your co-workers. Did you go dancing?"
Penny started to nod but then remembered the effect that had on her balance at the moment and settled for saying, "Yes."
"We'll have to do that again sometime. I do enjoy dancing with you," she declared.
"You cannot enjoy the show from there, so I insist that you sit down, Penny," Sheldon commanded.
She was uncertain where she was supposed to sit, though, so she continued to waver in her position next to the TV.
"Come and sit, bestie," Amy directed, patting the empty cushion between her and Sheldon.
"But I thought that since Sheldon's your boyfriend..." Penny began, trailing off at the annoyed look coming from Sheldon and the way that Amy was shaking her head.
"We all know that the center cushion is yours," Amy stated. "Besides, this way we both get to bask in your golden presence."
Unable to stop the smile from surfacing, Penny stepped forward. With her constant praise, Amy was always really good for her self-esteem. She couldn't help but feel not only beautiful but also smart and worthy after each meeting with the other woman. However, when it came to moving between the couch and the coffee table to get to her spot, she opted to sneak in past Sheldon. He was less likely to try to grope her (as in not likely at all) with the excuse of helping her in. She had learned that lesson the last time she was buzzed and Amy had 'helped' her into her seat.
She was walking as carefully as she could so that she would make minimal physical contact with the physicist, but the room was still spinning. She accidentally stepped on the side of his foot, which threw her off balance. She tried to remain upright, but her stilettos made the effort worthless and she found herself pitching forward.
Directly into Sheldon's lap.
He jumped under her in shock and Penny let out a surprised squeak to find herself in such an awkward position. Quickly pushing her torso up, she scurried over him to her seat since it was the quickest way off of him.
"I'm so sorry, Sheldon," she apologized. "Really. It was an accident. I totally didn't mean to fall on you."
"That is the definition of accident," he pointed out in a peeved voice, smoothing down his newly-wrinkled pants over his thighs. "If you meant to do it, it couldn't be an accident."
Cheeks pink, she settled into her spot, a little startled when he simply turned back to the TV instead of dashing to the shower. That had been way more physical contact than she'd seen him have with anyone else, after all (although she knew that he had cuddled Amy once when she was upset).
Once the theme song started up and Sheldon was completely distracted, Amy leaned over to Penny.
"You were in his lap," she said in awe. "So, tell me, did you feel it?"
"What?" Penny questioned, confused.
"You know," Amy said, eyes wide. "It."
When she gestured to her own lap, it cleared Penny's confusion right up.
"No!" she exclaimed, earning a hiss from Sheldon to be quiet.
Looking disappointed that she couldn't live vicariously through her best friend, Amy focused on the show. Penny also turned her gaze to the TV.
She had lied. She had definitely felt it (her left hand had landed right on it), and she really wished she hadn't. That was just way more information than she'd ever wanted to know about her boyfriend's bat-shit crazy roommate.
ooooo
When Penny woke up the next morning to the sound of her alarm, she immediately turned red as she remembered her drunken tumble into Sheldon's lap. She made herself a promise in that moment.
She was never drinking tequila again.
ooooo
After watching his early morning episode of Dr. Who on Saturday, Sheldon had decided to do some work. His research into monopoles had suffered a small setback, and it was starting to bother him. He didn't want to risk getting stuck.
In spite of his friends' beliefs, Sheldon was well aware that his demands often inconvenienced the people around him. He just usually didn't care. They didn't have an I.Q. of 187. They weren't going to change the world with their research. After all, Leonard was merely repeating others' experiments instead of conducting original research and Howard didn't even possess a doctorate. He considered Raj for a moment. He formed his own theories in his field and was intelligent enough that Sheldon considered him worthy of working with him even if he wasn't the genius that Sheldon was. He could actually see a breakthrough in his field if he stopped focusing on negating the already-proven information about xenons. Either way, Sheldon's demands simply took precedence over his friends' desires since he stood the best chance of winning the Nobel.
But that didn't mean he liked being stuck any more than they liked it.
He was standing in front of his whiteboard contemplating an equation that he'd been having trouble with when a noise in the hallway caught his attention. Listening carefully, he heard a knock on Penny's door and then the sound of voices. Even with his superior hearing, he couldn't make out what was said, just that both voices were female. After a few moments, Penny's door clicked shut, followed by the sound of one set of footsteps heading back toward the stairs.
He frowned slightly and checked his watch. It was only ten but Penny clearly had not punched whoever disturbed her in the throat nor had she left with the other person. Although the entire situation was highly unusual, Sheldon spotted an error in his equation at that moment and all thought was directed toward fixing it.
An hour later, he was drawn out of a particularly well-written paper on monopoles by one of his former colleagues at Heidelberg by the sound of very loud crying. Startled, he lifted his head to stare at the door to his apartment. The noise was coming from Penny's apartment but it didn't sound like her. Highly annoyed at the disruption and, he had to admit reluctantly, slightly worried, he stood up and crossed his apartment and then the hallway outside, coming to a stop in front of his neighbor's door. Raising his hand, he performed his traditional knock.
The door swung open, amplifying the crying, and Penny, appearing extremely harassed, stood in front of him. She glared.
"What do you want, Sheldon? I'm a little busy here."
Worried that Penny would punch him in the throat since she looked upset, Sheldon glanced down at her hands so that he would know if he needed to protect his trachea. His eyes instead caught on what she was holding. Before he could stop them or even choose the proper words, his thought escaped him.
"Dear Lord, Penny, what is that?!"
No I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm going to try with a little help from my friends
Chapter Four: Plans and Pep Talks