I feel like a third grader typing this shit
I'm so sorry for the way I've acted for the past several months. I've never been so depressed in my life and I'm letting it ruin the person I am. I can't even put into words how ashamed I feel. I've turned my back on my best friends and have disappointed the people I love more than life. I feel like some of the most important friends I have have just been fed up with my bullshit to the point where they don't want to talk to me anymore. I'm giving up on being so self destructive and I'm going to work on not hating myself and everything around me so much. I really want everyone to know what they mean to me. This probably seems extremely stupid but I've been thinking a lot about so many different things and I figured I'd write about it somewhere. I may be joining the Navy in the near future and I don't want to leave anyone I love on a bad note.
I keep thinking about my brother dying without me being able to say any last words to him and I don't want to lose anyone and not be able to say "I love you" to them anymore. My brother and I were on great terms when he died but I think about losing other people that I could be on better terms with all the time and I need to just quit being so self destructive and making stupid fucking mistakes. I talked with Kyle a bit about life and what's been on my mind lately and I'm really glad to have him around and I'm glad I know we'll always be great friends and not be weird around each other.
As much as I've been hanging out with all kinds of different friends lately I still feel extremely lonely for some reason and I hate it.
Erica, I love you so much and I'm sorry for scaring you sometimes. You're my favorite person in the whole world and I don't mean to freak you out like I did that one night. I miss having you around because I can talk to you and not have you get pissed at me like other people get.
Andy, if you see this, I'm sorry. I've been a shitty friend to you for the past several months and I apologize for ruining myself like I have been. I'll talk to you about it more in person but I want you to know that you're one of my very best friends and one of the people I'd hate to live without. I don't regret my choice to drink on occasion, but I do regret how I've been drinking lately and I'm quitting that foolishness. I'm not going to binge drink when I'm depressed any more. I've made too many stupid mistakes and upset too many people by doing that and it just makes me feel horrible. I'm so sorry for being stupid and I hope you forgive me.
Selena probably won't read this but I feel like she's drifting away or maybe pushing me away from her even though we've hung out more than ever lately. We used to talk to each other about almost everything and now we don't and I hate it. For some reason she can really read me like a book, like no one else really can it seems like, and she just means so much to me so I don't want to lose her. It's probably weird as fuck but I feel like I always have to (or should) look out for her like an older brother would or something. I don't mean to be so overprotective or overbearing or whatever the hell I am, but that's how I get with people I love. I know she's probably annoyed with me because of how me and my drunken immaturity have been lately. Selena if you see this I'm so sorry for how I've been and I know you've heard it a thousand times but I really truly do feel so ashamed for how I've been and I can't stop thinking about it. I know she tells Robin about the stupid things I've done and I love Robin for being so good to me. For some reason when someone else's mom shows affection to me like Selena's mom does it just feels extremely nice. I feel like I'm worth something sort of.
And to all my other friends who have been there for me when I've been at my lowest, which I have been in the past few months: Thank you and I love you so much. I wish I could truly find a way to show everyone how much I appreciate them because words are futile devices.
I love you, friends, and I'm truly sorry. I don't mean to be a burden and I'm sure I have been.
I keep thinking about my brother dying without me being able to say any last words to him and I don't want to lose anyone and not be able to say "I love you" to them anymore. My brother and I were on great terms when he died but I think about losing other people that I could be on better terms with all the time and I need to just quit being so self destructive and making stupid fucking mistakes. I talked with Kyle a bit about life and what's been on my mind lately and I'm really glad to have him around and I'm glad I know we'll always be great friends and not be weird around each other.
As much as I've been hanging out with all kinds of different friends lately I still feel extremely lonely for some reason and I hate it.
Erica, I love you so much and I'm sorry for scaring you sometimes. You're my favorite person in the whole world and I don't mean to freak you out like I did that one night. I miss having you around because I can talk to you and not have you get pissed at me like other people get.
Andy, if you see this, I'm sorry. I've been a shitty friend to you for the past several months and I apologize for ruining myself like I have been. I'll talk to you about it more in person but I want you to know that you're one of my very best friends and one of the people I'd hate to live without. I don't regret my choice to drink on occasion, but I do regret how I've been drinking lately and I'm quitting that foolishness. I'm not going to binge drink when I'm depressed any more. I've made too many stupid mistakes and upset too many people by doing that and it just makes me feel horrible. I'm so sorry for being stupid and I hope you forgive me.
Selena probably won't read this but I feel like she's drifting away or maybe pushing me away from her even though we've hung out more than ever lately. We used to talk to each other about almost everything and now we don't and I hate it. For some reason she can really read me like a book, like no one else really can it seems like, and she just means so much to me so I don't want to lose her. It's probably weird as fuck but I feel like I always have to (or should) look out for her like an older brother would or something. I don't mean to be so overprotective or overbearing or whatever the hell I am, but that's how I get with people I love. I know she's probably annoyed with me because of how me and my drunken immaturity have been lately. Selena if you see this I'm so sorry for how I've been and I know you've heard it a thousand times but I really truly do feel so ashamed for how I've been and I can't stop thinking about it. I know she tells Robin about the stupid things I've done and I love Robin for being so good to me. For some reason when someone else's mom shows affection to me like Selena's mom does it just feels extremely nice. I feel like I'm worth something sort of.
And to all my other friends who have been there for me when I've been at my lowest, which I have been in the past few months: Thank you and I love you so much. I wish I could truly find a way to show everyone how much I appreciate them because words are futile devices.
I love you, friends, and I'm truly sorry. I don't mean to be a burden and I'm sure I have been.