(no subject)
18 Days until Blinkys birthday.
I already have the best present planned out for him. Better than anything money could ever buy for Blink. Except drugs. But those really are bad.
So I think that people might make them selvs schitzo or multi-personalitys. I mean, of corse there is reasoning behind them looking for such an out that their personality splits, once, twice, or ninety-two times. But I'm sure their are people who do it to themselves. Me and Danielle have talked about this before... but I never really thought about it until I started reading When Rabbit Howls. (Great so far).
The other main factor in me thinking this, is that from the first chapter of the book, I'v felt like maybe I'm forcing myself into deeper sickness then the one I'm already drowning in. Of corse, there are reasons I think this. And I'm going to prevent that. It just brought apon me thinking that there has to be a lot of people who were crazy, but not multi's, but are now. And it's probably not even an attention thing. It's actually a really comforting idea. (Unless one of your multi personalitys is killing people without your knowledge... like in a movie I saw.)
Honestly. You being YOU, but not having to handle the pain all on your own. Someone inside of you pulling it inside, right in front of your face, only... it's not fully YOUR face.
I talk to myself a lot.
Who cares.
But now I feel like I do it to much.
I do it when I'm nervous, and scared... or facing confrontation.
I try and keep it inside sometimes. But... It's like those journals I wrote where I argue back and forth with myself. It's a lot less creepy to read then it is to have two choices, tough, but able to be made... only I'm choosing both. And nothing anyone says will change that. Except for myself. And I'm a stubborn person. So I'm getting no where. And I just argue... with myself. When I do wrong. I tell me. And I repeat it until my head explodes. In what seems like a river of death. Only it's tears. And I know it's going to happen again.
I don't know.
I work at Wendys. Bye.
I love you Blinky.