Writers are a cantankerous lot
Alright. I'm going to exhibit some peev here, perhaps to the detriment of the Earth's orbital stability. (It's actually quite inconsequential.)
My issue? Stupid thesis statements.
Don't write "... in this essay I will..." in any way, shape, or form. But you know what? Since everyone who does it uses those exact words, perhaps I'll just leave it at don't. It's fucking stupid. You write like that when they first teach you the structure of an essay back in fetus-school. You don't write like that when you hit high school. Or when you're past college. Or, you know, when you finally learn to cross all your t's and spell "cat."
But, unfortunately, people do. More often than they should, which is never. (Certain departments might like you to think this is a perfectly acceptable way to write, but you shouldn't. They're telling you it's okay simply because reading papers written like this delivers quite a substantial amount of funny. Ever wonder why your professor always looks so grimly amused around midterm time?)
I have seen in theses repeated use of "... I argue..." often under the same damn header. Fucking quit it. I don't care if it's the Thing To Do if you want your final degree. Suck a cock or two for lost time. Don't write like that.
Do you walk into a cocktail lounge with your tits out and smeared in things even a dog wouldn't roll in? Because that's what you're doing. Have some fucking class, you lazy shits. Think of something with finesse that is at the same time both clear and opaque. Your meaning should be distinct, yet not be found in the sort of statement of intention that makes you look like a slavering football player who found a pen in his sock one day and thought he'd write about y hee leiks futbal.
If you're writing a draft, whatever. But there's no excuse when you present something that should be polished with the above jewels in it. It's like walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper sticking out the bottom of your skirt. Please don't present people with something you apparently wiped your bottom with. It's just not civilized.
My issue? Stupid thesis statements.
Don't write "... in this essay I will..." in any way, shape, or form. But you know what? Since everyone who does it uses those exact words, perhaps I'll just leave it at don't. It's fucking stupid. You write like that when they first teach you the structure of an essay back in fetus-school. You don't write like that when you hit high school. Or when you're past college. Or, you know, when you finally learn to cross all your t's and spell "cat."
But, unfortunately, people do. More often than they should, which is never. (Certain departments might like you to think this is a perfectly acceptable way to write, but you shouldn't. They're telling you it's okay simply because reading papers written like this delivers quite a substantial amount of funny. Ever wonder why your professor always looks so grimly amused around midterm time?)
I have seen in theses repeated use of "... I argue..." often under the same damn header. Fucking quit it. I don't care if it's the Thing To Do if you want your final degree. Suck a cock or two for lost time. Don't write like that.
Do you walk into a cocktail lounge with your tits out and smeared in things even a dog wouldn't roll in? Because that's what you're doing. Have some fucking class, you lazy shits. Think of something with finesse that is at the same time both clear and opaque. Your meaning should be distinct, yet not be found in the sort of statement of intention that makes you look like a slavering football player who found a pen in his sock one day and thought he'd write about y hee leiks futbal.
If you're writing a draft, whatever. But there's no excuse when you present something that should be polished with the above jewels in it. It's like walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper sticking out the bottom of your skirt. Please don't present people with something you apparently wiped your bottom with. It's just not civilized.