Operation Goliath - Chapter 7
Title:Operation Goliath - Chapter 7
Author:Penikitty
Characters:Paul Ballard
Rating:NC-17 to be on the safe side!
Warnings:Some violence and strong language in some chapters
Spoilers:None as set before Dollhouse
Disclaimer:Dollhouse and the characters in it do not belong to me. They are Joss's.
Word Count:1582
Summary:A look at what may have happened to Paul before he was assigned the Dollhouse case.
Beta:< The lovely ru-salki99
Feedback:Please!
He was running as fast as he could, not looking back. All his concentration went into lifting one lead filled leg at a time and getting away from the thing chasing him. He didn’t know what it was but he knew it was going to hurt him. He was running through a never-ending corridor filled with doors. Every door he passed had a faceless shape standing by the glass. They were angry with him, he had let them down. Finally he reached the end of the corridor and slammed through the fire exit. Only it wasn’t a fire exit, it lead into a room filled with faceless shapes, screams, accusations, hands grabbing at him, pulling him down into the darkness with them. Tanaka stood in one corner laughing like a maniac. Jo sat on a cream chair, tears streaming down her face. Jacob and the boys stood together, grins on all their faces. AD Nicholls was looking at him, the disgust on his face evident. Tasha! Tasha was there, reaching for him. Her face was covered in bruises, her lips bleeding. She called his name. He tried to move, to get to her, but his muscles wouldn’t work. He tried to scream but no sound came. Above the faceless mass another shape appeared. It was a man in a suit. He looked down at him, his face hidden in shadow. He tried to scream again, this man wanted to hurt him. The man in the suit bent down, a gun in his hand pointed at Paul, and suddenly his face became clear. Paul looked up and found himself looking into his own eyes. This time he did scream.
“Karl! Karl, wake up! Wake up Karl!”
His eyes shot open and he saw Tash leaning over him. Her hands were on his shoulders and he could see the concern that filled her eyes. He sat up slowly. His breathing was ragged and his body was covered in a film of sweat.
“Karl, what the hell were you dreaming about? You were screaming and thrashing around. I tired to wake you up but I couldn’t. You were crying, mumbling about being sorry, telling someone called Paul to go away. It scared the shit out of me,” She wiped her thumbs gently under his eyes, taking away the tears he hadn’t known were there and looked at him, concern etched across her features.
“I…I don’t know…It’s gone already…I don’t remember,” Paul lied. He did remember and it scared the Hell out of him. This wasn’t the first time he’d had the dream but it had certainly been the most vivid. He wondered if this was what it felt like to have multiple personalities. He could identify the two conflicting voices within his own mind, each vying for dominance over the over, each with very different ideals and morals. He felt like he was being torn in two and he had no one to turn to, no one who could understand what he was going through.
He looked at her and realised she knew he was lying, “Karl…If….If you can’t handle working for my Uncle anymore it’s ok. We could talk to him. We could make him understand. If the pressure is getting too much we could…we could leave. I…I don’t want to live this life anymore. I love my family but I know what they do is wrong and I don’t want to be involved with it anymore.” She finished the sentence very quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.
God that sounded like Heaven. Get away from the family and the Bureau and just be with Tasha. Create yet another new life together and start again fresh. She knew the things he had done; she forgave him for his sins on a daily basis. She helped to sooth his ragged nerves, to forget the horrors he’d seen.
It couldn’t be though. The nightmares proved to him that no matter how much he tried to be Karl, Paul would always be there, hunting him down and trying to get his body back. He couldn’t pretend much longer; he was going to break if he didn’t get out soon. It didn’t matter whether he loved Tash, or felt loyalty to Jacob, or wanted to stay. This wasn’t real; this was a job and nothing more. He had a wife and a life waiting for him, and if he was honest, he preferred the person he was in that life. That person had no moral ambiguity, no grey areas. He knew right from wrong and always did the right thing, always defended the weak and upheld the law. Paul wanted that back. He wanted to be himself again.
“Tash, I’m sorry, you know how I feel about you, but I want to keep working for him. I want to keep showing him he can trust me. Maybe one day he’ll let me be even more involved. This is all I know Tash, I can’t do anything else.”
She looked at him through the hair that had fallen around her face, obviously hurt. He reached out to her and wrapped his arms around her.
“It doesn’t change anything, ok? You’re still my girl. We don’t need to rush anything; we have all the time in the world to be together.” He worked hard to keep his voice level and to not let the emotions take over. He was lying to her again. Everything he said to her was a lie and it made him sick. It was going to be so difficult to leave her, but what they had wasn’t real, he had to keep reminding himself of that. Jo was real, their marriage was real, and that was what he had to hold on to.
Snuggling into his chest she said, “I’ll always be your girl Karl, I couldn’t survive without you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following morning he got the call from Matthew. They were meeting Jacob’s customer that afternoon. They needed Paul to get to the house as quickly as possible so they could go through everything before they left. He jumped out of bed and began rummaging through his drawers for some clean clothes, while Tash looked on amused. It appeared that the events of the night had been forgotten as she smiled at him from the bed. He grabbed a clean white t-shirt from the drawer and some dark blue jeans from his wardrobe. As he scrambled to put the jeans on he wobbled and fell back on the bed. Tasha let out a peel of laughter that at once lifted his heart and saddened him. He wouldn’t hear that laugh for much longer. Kneeling on the bed she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his ear lightly.
“Do you know how long you’re going to be today? Would you like me to make us dinner tonight?”
“I don’t know how long I’m going to be, Matthew didn’t say.” He turned his head so he could look at her, “How about I call you when I’m on my way and we can get take-away? How does Chinese sound?”
“That sounds wonderful; I’ll wait for your call. Do you mind if I hang around here a bit, I can’t be bothered to get dressed yet? This bed is just so comfortable.”
He looked at her as she snuggled into the bed again and felt his heart melt. She was stunningly beautiful but he knew what he had to do. She was like a dream and you woke up from dreams. They weren’t real.
“Of course you can stay here. Here, take this,” he said as he passed her the key to his apartment, “Lock up when you leave and I’ll get the key back when I see you later, okay?”
A smile went across her whole face as she accepted the key and looked up at him with her large, dark eyes.
“I’ll take really good care of this, don’t worry. Now get going or Matthew will kick your ass,” she said as she tapped him lightly on the backside.
He grinned at her before kissing her quickly on the cheek and running out the door. He needed to call Anna now and set up the surveillance, before he got to Jacob’s. With no way of knowing if he’d have chance to call after the meeting he figured it was their best chance at catching the Van Dynes in the act. The best chance he had for this to be over. He dialled the number from memory and went through the usual.
“Good afternoon! Thank you for calling Macy’s. How may I help you today?”
“I’d like to speak to the manager please, I bought a pair of shoes earlier and they are too small. I need to return them.”
“Hi Paul”
“Hi Anna, I’ve got news. We’re meeting the contact today. I’m headed to the Van Dynes now and we’re heading straight to the meeting after. I don’t think I’ll have time to call again so set some surveillance up now and follow us. I know it’s not perfect but hopefully it will be enough.”
“That’s fantastic news Paul, I’ll get it set up immediately. Keep your chin up, it’s almost over.”
She was right. If this went well it would be over. Paul really wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be or not, but he knew what the right thing to do was and that’s what he was going to do.
Author:Penikitty
Characters:Paul Ballard
Rating:NC-17 to be on the safe side!
Warnings:Some violence and strong language in some chapters
Spoilers:None as set before Dollhouse
Disclaimer:Dollhouse and the characters in it do not belong to me. They are Joss's.
Word Count:1582
Summary:A look at what may have happened to Paul before he was assigned the Dollhouse case.
Beta:< The lovely ru-salki99
Feedback:Please!
He was running as fast as he could, not looking back. All his concentration went into lifting one lead filled leg at a time and getting away from the thing chasing him. He didn’t know what it was but he knew it was going to hurt him. He was running through a never-ending corridor filled with doors. Every door he passed had a faceless shape standing by the glass. They were angry with him, he had let them down. Finally he reached the end of the corridor and slammed through the fire exit. Only it wasn’t a fire exit, it lead into a room filled with faceless shapes, screams, accusations, hands grabbing at him, pulling him down into the darkness with them. Tanaka stood in one corner laughing like a maniac. Jo sat on a cream chair, tears streaming down her face. Jacob and the boys stood together, grins on all their faces. AD Nicholls was looking at him, the disgust on his face evident. Tasha! Tasha was there, reaching for him. Her face was covered in bruises, her lips bleeding. She called his name. He tried to move, to get to her, but his muscles wouldn’t work. He tried to scream but no sound came. Above the faceless mass another shape appeared. It was a man in a suit. He looked down at him, his face hidden in shadow. He tried to scream again, this man wanted to hurt him. The man in the suit bent down, a gun in his hand pointed at Paul, and suddenly his face became clear. Paul looked up and found himself looking into his own eyes. This time he did scream.
“Karl! Karl, wake up! Wake up Karl!”
His eyes shot open and he saw Tash leaning over him. Her hands were on his shoulders and he could see the concern that filled her eyes. He sat up slowly. His breathing was ragged and his body was covered in a film of sweat.
“Karl, what the hell were you dreaming about? You were screaming and thrashing around. I tired to wake you up but I couldn’t. You were crying, mumbling about being sorry, telling someone called Paul to go away. It scared the shit out of me,” She wiped her thumbs gently under his eyes, taking away the tears he hadn’t known were there and looked at him, concern etched across her features.
“I…I don’t know…It’s gone already…I don’t remember,” Paul lied. He did remember and it scared the Hell out of him. This wasn’t the first time he’d had the dream but it had certainly been the most vivid. He wondered if this was what it felt like to have multiple personalities. He could identify the two conflicting voices within his own mind, each vying for dominance over the over, each with very different ideals and morals. He felt like he was being torn in two and he had no one to turn to, no one who could understand what he was going through.
He looked at her and realised she knew he was lying, “Karl…If….If you can’t handle working for my Uncle anymore it’s ok. We could talk to him. We could make him understand. If the pressure is getting too much we could…we could leave. I…I don’t want to live this life anymore. I love my family but I know what they do is wrong and I don’t want to be involved with it anymore.” She finished the sentence very quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.
God that sounded like Heaven. Get away from the family and the Bureau and just be with Tasha. Create yet another new life together and start again fresh. She knew the things he had done; she forgave him for his sins on a daily basis. She helped to sooth his ragged nerves, to forget the horrors he’d seen.
It couldn’t be though. The nightmares proved to him that no matter how much he tried to be Karl, Paul would always be there, hunting him down and trying to get his body back. He couldn’t pretend much longer; he was going to break if he didn’t get out soon. It didn’t matter whether he loved Tash, or felt loyalty to Jacob, or wanted to stay. This wasn’t real; this was a job and nothing more. He had a wife and a life waiting for him, and if he was honest, he preferred the person he was in that life. That person had no moral ambiguity, no grey areas. He knew right from wrong and always did the right thing, always defended the weak and upheld the law. Paul wanted that back. He wanted to be himself again.
“Tash, I’m sorry, you know how I feel about you, but I want to keep working for him. I want to keep showing him he can trust me. Maybe one day he’ll let me be even more involved. This is all I know Tash, I can’t do anything else.”
She looked at him through the hair that had fallen around her face, obviously hurt. He reached out to her and wrapped his arms around her.
“It doesn’t change anything, ok? You’re still my girl. We don’t need to rush anything; we have all the time in the world to be together.” He worked hard to keep his voice level and to not let the emotions take over. He was lying to her again. Everything he said to her was a lie and it made him sick. It was going to be so difficult to leave her, but what they had wasn’t real, he had to keep reminding himself of that. Jo was real, their marriage was real, and that was what he had to hold on to.
Snuggling into his chest she said, “I’ll always be your girl Karl, I couldn’t survive without you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following morning he got the call from Matthew. They were meeting Jacob’s customer that afternoon. They needed Paul to get to the house as quickly as possible so they could go through everything before they left. He jumped out of bed and began rummaging through his drawers for some clean clothes, while Tash looked on amused. It appeared that the events of the night had been forgotten as she smiled at him from the bed. He grabbed a clean white t-shirt from the drawer and some dark blue jeans from his wardrobe. As he scrambled to put the jeans on he wobbled and fell back on the bed. Tasha let out a peel of laughter that at once lifted his heart and saddened him. He wouldn’t hear that laugh for much longer. Kneeling on the bed she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his ear lightly.
“Do you know how long you’re going to be today? Would you like me to make us dinner tonight?”
“I don’t know how long I’m going to be, Matthew didn’t say.” He turned his head so he could look at her, “How about I call you when I’m on my way and we can get take-away? How does Chinese sound?”
“That sounds wonderful; I’ll wait for your call. Do you mind if I hang around here a bit, I can’t be bothered to get dressed yet? This bed is just so comfortable.”
He looked at her as she snuggled into the bed again and felt his heart melt. She was stunningly beautiful but he knew what he had to do. She was like a dream and you woke up from dreams. They weren’t real.
“Of course you can stay here. Here, take this,” he said as he passed her the key to his apartment, “Lock up when you leave and I’ll get the key back when I see you later, okay?”
A smile went across her whole face as she accepted the key and looked up at him with her large, dark eyes.
“I’ll take really good care of this, don’t worry. Now get going or Matthew will kick your ass,” she said as she tapped him lightly on the backside.
He grinned at her before kissing her quickly on the cheek and running out the door. He needed to call Anna now and set up the surveillance, before he got to Jacob’s. With no way of knowing if he’d have chance to call after the meeting he figured it was their best chance at catching the Van Dynes in the act. The best chance he had for this to be over. He dialled the number from memory and went through the usual.
“Good afternoon! Thank you for calling Macy’s. How may I help you today?”
“I’d like to speak to the manager please, I bought a pair of shoes earlier and they are too small. I need to return them.”
“Hi Paul”
“Hi Anna, I’ve got news. We’re meeting the contact today. I’m headed to the Van Dynes now and we’re heading straight to the meeting after. I don’t think I’ll have time to call again so set some surveillance up now and follow us. I know it’s not perfect but hopefully it will be enough.”
“That’s fantastic news Paul, I’ll get it set up immediately. Keep your chin up, it’s almost over.”
She was right. If this went well it would be over. Paul really wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be or not, but he knew what the right thing to do was and that’s what he was going to do.