Jossverse Big Bang - Memories of the Soul Chapter 4
Title:Memories of the Soul
Author:Penikitty
Artists:scarletshimmer&lunaspec_gimmy
Fandom: Dollhouse
Genres: Het, romance, angst, drama
Word Count:16000
Rating: PG13
Characters/Pairings: Paul/Madeline, some Adelle, Topher and Boyd
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for season 1, AU for season two bar the mention of a couple of events in the first four episodes. Minor violence and language, character death(s)brief mention of non consensual BDSM (very minor!)
Author's Note: Lots of people to thank! Firstly my two wonderful artists scarletshimmer&lunaspec_gimmy. Thank you both so much for all your hard work! Also, thanks to cynicalshadows for being a fabulous Beta. This was written before the conclusion of season 2 but since watching it I have decided this is how I choose to believe it ACTUALLY ended :D
Summary:Madeline is trying to get on with her life since leaving the Dollhouse and Paul is trying to forget the woman he loved. Will they find each other again or will the Dollhouse keep them apart?
“This heart it beats,
Beats for only you
(Please don’t go now, please don’t fade away)
My heart, my heart is yours.”
Paramore - My Heart
3 Months later
Madeline carefully folded the blue woollen jumper she had pulled out from the black refuse sack and piled it on top of the other clothes that were still in good condition. Although it was never really cold in LA, the nights could be very uncomfortable if you didn’t have layers on. She remembered all too well shivering inside her sleeping bag one too many times. That was just one of many reasons that she had asked to volunteer at Helping Hands, her local homeless shelter. Her money had come through from the Dollhouse months ago and the first thing she had done was go on a shopping spree. Her wardrobe was now full of the latest fashions from the best designers and she had more pairs of shoes than she had ever dreamed possible. However, there had only been so long she could spend it on herself, and she had soon realised that she wanted to help other people who were in difficult situations. That was when she had come here, to Helping Hands, and made a donation to keep them open. Now she volunteered three times a week, helping sort donations and serve lunch and dinner.
“Hi Madeline,” said the shelter manager Judy as she came into the office. Judy was in her early fifties, with dark blonde hair and green eyes.
“Hi Judy,” Madeline said with a smile. “How are you today?”
“Oh you know,” said Judy, “same as always.” She paused, looking nervous. “Madeline, can I ask you something...personal?”
Madeline looked up, concerned about what Judy was going to ask. “Yes, of course. What’s wrong?”
“Oh nothing’s wrong, it isn’t anything bad,” Judy assured her. “It’s just, well, you know Aaron?”
Madeline nodded. Aaron was Judy’s son who came into help when he had some spare time. He was older than Madeline by a few years but it wasn’t noticeable. He was softly spoken, with short dark hair and chestnut coloured eyes, and over the last month she had become good friends with him.
“He’s too scared to ask you...and he’d kill me if he knew I’d mentioned it...but I was wondering if there was any chance you two might, you know, go out for drinks one night, like a, uh, date?”
Madeline felt herself blushing. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to upset Judy.
Aaron was lovely, but she was fairly certain that she was in love with someone else.
“Judy I’m sorry, there’s someone else.”
“Oh,” Judy said, looking shocked. “But you’ve never spoken about him.”
“I know. I like to keep some things private. It makes it special, like he’s my secret,” she said with a smile on her face.
A few hours later Madeline was walking the short journey back to her new apartment, swinging her bag from her hand. She had managed to convince Judy that she didn’t want to talk about her mystery man. She had seemed suspicious, but hadn’t pushed much. Truth was Madeline wasn’t even sure if she could explain her feelings. The night after her check-up at the Dollhouse, after seeing Paul, she had had her first dream about him.
It had been dark and they had been walking through a park. She was wearing a long skirt with a black jacket and he had been wearing jeans with a light grey jacket and a white t-shirt. They had been holding hands, laughing and smiling at a private joke. There had been a lot of people around them, families with children and couples of all ages. They had walked over to an ice cream van and he had bought her one, playfully putting some on her nose before kissing if off gently. She had looked into his gorgeous green eyes and felt nothing put pure happiness. There had been no darkness in her soul, no sadness in her heart. She had felt as light as air as he leaned forward and kissed her with his soft lips.
When she had woken up she had still felt the warm rush of love the dream had provided her with. Although the dream had felt so real, she had put it down to her imagination and had just hoped she would be lucky enough to have a dream like it again. However, as the dreams had continued, they had become more and more real to her. Sometimes they were actually quite dull, just the two of them sitting together watching TV or walking to the movies, but each time she woke up she became more convinced that she was reliving memories of her time as a Doll. Some of the dreams were horrendous though, and she would wake up with her face wet and her heart breaking. In one she had been in his apartment, begging him not to leave her and he had just turned his back on her and walked out. It was so different to the Paul she had come to know in the other memories; he had been so cold, harsh and distant. She knew something must have happened to cause his change in behaviour but that memory hadn’t come back to her yet.
She knew it was ridiculous to be falling in love with someone she really didn’t know. The memories weren’t hers, they were Mellie’s. She knew that had been her name, had heard Paul call her it in the dreams. But it was her body that had experienced the feelings and she was beginning to believe that flesh and blood held onto memories more than the Dollhouse realised. When they erased her personality they hadn’t erased her soul.
She’d been so lost in her thoughts that she almost walked straight past her new apartment block. It was in a nicer part of the city and was much bigger than her last place. The size had been one factor that had drawn her to it; another had been that it had an elevator. Her apartment took up the whole of the top floor and having to walk up all those stairs every day would have been too much for anyone! She walked through the large glass doors and was met by the security guard, Bill.
“Good afternoon Miss Costley,” he said softly, tipping his hat towards her. He was an elderly man, with thinning gray hair and a kind smile.
She smiled back at him in return. “Hi Bill. How are you today?”
“Oh fine Miss, fine. Um, Miss Costley, do you have any male friends that you were expecting?”
Madeline looked at him in shock, speechless for a moment while she tried to get her thoughts together before finally saying “No, there’s no one. Why? What’s happened?”
“Oh it’s probably nothing Miss,” replied Bill. “It’s just there was this young man outside, looking at the names of the tenants and he seemed most interested in your name. I went and asked him if I could help and he got quite flustered and left. Maybe you have a secret admirer Miss?
“What did he look like?” asked Madeline, hope lacing her words.
“Well Miss, he was very tall and he had short dark hair and was wearing jeans and a light gray jacket. I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t remember much more than that.”
Madeline felt her pulse racing. It was him! He’d found her!
“It’s ok Bill! Thank you! Thank you so much!”
She ran into the elevator and frantically pushed the button for the top floor. This proved it! He did know her and her dreams were real memories! As the elevator doors slid open, she skipped towards her door, her hands shaking as she pushed the key into the lock. She got into her apartment and couldn’t help the squeal of joy which escaped from her lips. After months of the dreams and thinking she might have been going mad, she was now certain that everything she felt was real. She didn’t care that they were Mellie’s memories; they felt as real as her own. Just thinking about him made her stomach tighten and her heart race. She was in love with him and now she was sure he loved her too.
~~~~~~~~
“You went to her apartment?” asked Boyd, his voice gruff with annoyance. “Why the hell would you do that Ballard?”
Paul sighed, picking up the shot glass sat before him and knocking back the alcohol before responding. “I can’t get her out of my head Boyd. Every night I dream about her, about Mellie. I loved her and I can’t get over her and knowing Madeline is out there and that she might remember me….What if she’s like Mellie? What if I could have with her what I had with Mellie? It’s killing me not knowing.”
Boyd huffed and began shuffling the pack of cards. After a tenuous start, they had developed a friendship of sorts. Boyd had seen Paul protect Echo on various engagements and seemed satisfied that he had her best intentions at heart, and Paul had seen a different side to Boyd. He wasn’t completely sure what had happened between Boyd and Topher a few weeks ago, but Topher jumped whenever Boyd entered the room and had been unusually quiet and withdrawn. Boyd never spoke about his life before the House although Paul had always assumed that he’d been a cop. He wasn’t so sure now though, there was something darker lurking under the surface.
“Adelle won’t be happy,” said Boyd suddenly, while laying two cards in front of himself and Paul, discarding the next card and laying three more cards face up on the small table. They were playing a modified version of Texus Hold’em, a weekly ritual that had started a couple of months ago.
“Well you won’t tell her…will you?” said Paul carefully, lifting up the cards Boyd had given him and looking at them, a blank expression on his face.
“I should,” replied Boyd. “I’m chief of security after all.”
Paul looked up at Boyd, his face serious. “Boyd, if you tell her she’ll either get rid of me or she’ll get rid of Madeline. It was a moment of weakness, nothing else. I won’t be going again.”
“You know,” said Boyd, his voice dropping to a whisper. “If you did go and see her, and if you did decide you wanted to be together, I could help.”
Paul slowly lowered his hands, forgetting his cards. He wasn’t sure he had heard Boyd correctly. What was he saying?
He continued looking at him in confusion while Boyd continued. “This isn’t a good place Paul. We don’t do good things here. Adelle tries to spin her lies, confuse us with her words and convince us we’re righteous but we’re not righteous. We help them deal in slavery, extortion, corruption, manipulation. We don’t help or serve anyone but the men at the top and we don’t even know what their true objective is.” He poured himself another drink, getting up and walking around Paul’s small room, running his free hand through his hair. “If you want out, I can do it. I will happily do it. There is still hope for you Paul, you can atone. I’ve done too much, seen too much to ever get away.”
“Boyd, I don’t understand,” said Paul, standing up and walking towards his friend. “What are you talking about?”
Boyd waved away his concern, smiling tightly. “It doesn’t matter Paul. Just remember what I said. If you ever need any help, you know where I am.”
He walked past Paul and sat down again at the small poker table. Paul didn’t know what to say. He was stunned by everything Boyd had just said. He’d always thought that Boyd was like Adelle, convinced that what they were doing was right, but he’d been wrong. He looked at the older man, who suddenly looked very vulnerable, and felt a pang of sympathy. Paul could still get out but Boyd was in too deep now. He could never escape, but he could help others.
“What are you waiting for?” asked Boyd, “We playing or what?”
“Um, yeah, sure. I think I need new cards though,” laughed Paul uneasily while he sat back down.
“Won’t make any difference though,” said Boyd, a glint in his eyes. “I’ll still beat you like I always do.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Madeline woke up, a gasp leaving her mouth, and sweat covering her body. She’d been dreaming about Paul, but she’d never had a dream like that before. She giggled to herself and knew she was blushing. It had been so real. She could still feel the physical results of the dream, the tremors of pleasure still pulsing through her body. She had dreamt of kissing him before, but in that memory she had pulled away, mumbling something about not inflating the stock before dumping it. She had always wondered if they ever had gotten past that point and now she knew.
The feelings, the sensations, she had felt every moment that his hands had touched her that first time they had been together. She had seen the intensity in his green eyes as he’d moved in to kiss her. She’d felt his lips pushing against hers, his tongue gently opening her mouth and caressing her tongue with his own. She’d felt as her skin had risen in bumps when he had ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms before resting on her hips, pulling her closer to him. He’d looked at her, asking with his eyes if it was alright, and she had nodded shyly. He’s taken her hand in his own and led her to the bedroom where he had kissed her softly before exploring every inch of her body with his mouth.
Her skin was still tingling from the memories the dream had given her. She remembered it all, in vivid, full colour and surround sound detail. She also remembered the conversation they had had afterwards. She’d been joking with him, poking fun, but really she had been preparing herself for the inevitable let down. He’d been so sweet though, reassuring her in his way that he wasn’t going anywhere. She remembered feeling surprised before a warmth had spread through her.
Somehow that hadn’t been the best part of the dream though. The best part had been when he had said he would get them food from the Tiki Hut. Finally she had somewhere to go and look for him. Somewhere she knew he went regularly, somewhere she knew he would be at some point.
As Madeline climbed out of bed she felt as though she was light as a feather. Things were finally starting to work out.
~~~~~~~~~~
It was her twenty-second night in a row visiting the Tiki Hut. The first time she’d been in, the owners had greeted her as if they knew her, smiling and ushering her to a seat. They’d seemed very confused when she had obviously not recognised them and she knew they were beginning to think she was quite strange, coming in and just ordering tea, but they didn’t hassle her. Every time she heard the doors open she would whip round in her chair, desperate to see him there, but each time she was disappointed.
She knew their menu by heart now. She knew all the waiters and waitresses by name and the number of stripes in the wallpaper. She recognised regular customers and even knew what some of them were going to order. She had sat here alone every night waiting for Paul, the hope in her heart vanishing fast. She had been so sure when she woke up from the dream that it had been real but after three weeks of waiting she was starting to doubt herself. She had already decided that this was the last night she would wait, that she couldn’t spend her whole life waiting for something that may never happen. It hurt her to think in such a way, she was sure that she was meant to be with this man, but you couldn’t fight fate forever. If they weren’t meant to be then it would never happen. She’d lost years of her life already; she didn’t want to lose more.
As she stared at the wallpaper lost in her thoughts, she heard the door open again. She didn’t bother turning round, not until she heard the voice that she waited months to hear.
“Hi, can I get two pan fried noodles with chicken, one shredded beef with green peppers, one sweet and sour shrimp and some steamed vegetable dumpling please.”
She turned round and looked at the man standing by the counter, fishing some notes out of his wallet and took a sharp intake of breath. It was him. It was Paul. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she stood up and walked towards him on unsteady legs. Her body was screaming out to her to reach out and touch him, to pull him towards her and wrap herself in his arms. It was as if her skin remembered how it would feel to be with him and she fought not to throw herself at him. She self consciously smoothed down the simple black dress she was wearing and ran her hands through her hair before taking a deep breath.
“Hi Paul.”
~~~~~~~~
It was game night again and Paul had decided he’d had all the Dollhouse catering he could stand for a lifetime. He missed his favourite restaurant and had persuaded Boyd to order from there for a change. He wasn’t sure what it was about the Tiki Hut he liked so much. It was so familiar to him now, he knew the owners really well and he had some good memories of this place. He smiled as he got some money out of his wallet, remembering the times he had bought Mellie here. She had loved this place as much as he had and the guy that ran the place had taken a real shine to her. They’d even had a special table that they had always sat at. As he was lost in his thoughts he heard a small, quiet voice behind him.
“Hi Paul.”
He turned round and couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Madeline standing there, looking terrified and gorgeous. She knew him. She knew his name. He wanted to say something, deny who he was, push her away, but all he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss her perfect mouth and hold her in his arms.
“Don’t say anything,” she said quickly. “Let me talk, please. There are things you need to know. I remember Paul. I remember everything. I remember being a Doll, I remember being Mellie. I know that you didn’t know, and I know that even when you did know you still slept with me.”
He flinched at her words. He’d known this would happen. He’d known that if she ever found out the truth that she would hate him.
“I remember loving you, I remember hating you, and I remember my heart breaking when you left me. I also remember all the good times. I remember the movies and the walks in the park, I remember you loved this restaurant, I remember how sweet and kind you were and I remember you loved me.”
She stopped talking, taking a long shaking breath before looking up at him, her eyes wide. She stepped forward and took both his hands in hers before saying the words he had wanted to hear for so many months.
“I love you Paul. I dream about you every night and I want us to be together.”
He felt a tidal wave of emotions crashing through his heart. It was so dangerous, Adelle would not tolerate it, but he couldn’t fight his heart any longer and he was tired of being controlled by the Dollhouse. It was time to have what he wanted.
He reached out his hand and traced the line of her face before cupping her chin and lifting her head towards him. He moved his lips down to meet hers, feeling the electricity sparking over his whole body. As their lips met, he felt a peace and calm that had been missing for such a long time. Finally he was where he was meant to be.
Author:Penikitty
Artists:scarletshimmer&lunaspec_gimmy
Fandom: Dollhouse
Genres: Het, romance, angst, drama
Word Count:16000
Rating: PG13
Characters/Pairings: Paul/Madeline, some Adelle, Topher and Boyd
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for season 1, AU for season two bar the mention of a couple of events in the first four episodes. Minor violence and language, character death(s)brief mention of non consensual BDSM (very minor!)
Author's Note: Lots of people to thank! Firstly my two wonderful artists scarletshimmer&lunaspec_gimmy. Thank you both so much for all your hard work! Also, thanks to cynicalshadows for being a fabulous Beta. This was written before the conclusion of season 2 but since watching it I have decided this is how I choose to believe it ACTUALLY ended :D
Summary:Madeline is trying to get on with her life since leaving the Dollhouse and Paul is trying to forget the woman he loved. Will they find each other again or will the Dollhouse keep them apart?
“This heart it beats,
Beats for only you
(Please don’t go now, please don’t fade away)
My heart, my heart is yours.”
Paramore - My Heart
3 Months later
Madeline carefully folded the blue woollen jumper she had pulled out from the black refuse sack and piled it on top of the other clothes that were still in good condition. Although it was never really cold in LA, the nights could be very uncomfortable if you didn’t have layers on. She remembered all too well shivering inside her sleeping bag one too many times. That was just one of many reasons that she had asked to volunteer at Helping Hands, her local homeless shelter. Her money had come through from the Dollhouse months ago and the first thing she had done was go on a shopping spree. Her wardrobe was now full of the latest fashions from the best designers and she had more pairs of shoes than she had ever dreamed possible. However, there had only been so long she could spend it on herself, and she had soon realised that she wanted to help other people who were in difficult situations. That was when she had come here, to Helping Hands, and made a donation to keep them open. Now she volunteered three times a week, helping sort donations and serve lunch and dinner.
“Hi Madeline,” said the shelter manager Judy as she came into the office. Judy was in her early fifties, with dark blonde hair and green eyes.
“Hi Judy,” Madeline said with a smile. “How are you today?”
“Oh you know,” said Judy, “same as always.” She paused, looking nervous. “Madeline, can I ask you something...personal?”
Madeline looked up, concerned about what Judy was going to ask. “Yes, of course. What’s wrong?”
“Oh nothing’s wrong, it isn’t anything bad,” Judy assured her. “It’s just, well, you know Aaron?”
Madeline nodded. Aaron was Judy’s son who came into help when he had some spare time. He was older than Madeline by a few years but it wasn’t noticeable. He was softly spoken, with short dark hair and chestnut coloured eyes, and over the last month she had become good friends with him.
“He’s too scared to ask you...and he’d kill me if he knew I’d mentioned it...but I was wondering if there was any chance you two might, you know, go out for drinks one night, like a, uh, date?”
Madeline felt herself blushing. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to upset Judy.
Aaron was lovely, but she was fairly certain that she was in love with someone else.
“Judy I’m sorry, there’s someone else.”
“Oh,” Judy said, looking shocked. “But you’ve never spoken about him.”
“I know. I like to keep some things private. It makes it special, like he’s my secret,” she said with a smile on her face.
A few hours later Madeline was walking the short journey back to her new apartment, swinging her bag from her hand. She had managed to convince Judy that she didn’t want to talk about her mystery man. She had seemed suspicious, but hadn’t pushed much. Truth was Madeline wasn’t even sure if she could explain her feelings. The night after her check-up at the Dollhouse, after seeing Paul, she had had her first dream about him.
It had been dark and they had been walking through a park. She was wearing a long skirt with a black jacket and he had been wearing jeans with a light grey jacket and a white t-shirt. They had been holding hands, laughing and smiling at a private joke. There had been a lot of people around them, families with children and couples of all ages. They had walked over to an ice cream van and he had bought her one, playfully putting some on her nose before kissing if off gently. She had looked into his gorgeous green eyes and felt nothing put pure happiness. There had been no darkness in her soul, no sadness in her heart. She had felt as light as air as he leaned forward and kissed her with his soft lips.
When she had woken up she had still felt the warm rush of love the dream had provided her with. Although the dream had felt so real, she had put it down to her imagination and had just hoped she would be lucky enough to have a dream like it again. However, as the dreams had continued, they had become more and more real to her. Sometimes they were actually quite dull, just the two of them sitting together watching TV or walking to the movies, but each time she woke up she became more convinced that she was reliving memories of her time as a Doll. Some of the dreams were horrendous though, and she would wake up with her face wet and her heart breaking. In one she had been in his apartment, begging him not to leave her and he had just turned his back on her and walked out. It was so different to the Paul she had come to know in the other memories; he had been so cold, harsh and distant. She knew something must have happened to cause his change in behaviour but that memory hadn’t come back to her yet.
She knew it was ridiculous to be falling in love with someone she really didn’t know. The memories weren’t hers, they were Mellie’s. She knew that had been her name, had heard Paul call her it in the dreams. But it was her body that had experienced the feelings and she was beginning to believe that flesh and blood held onto memories more than the Dollhouse realised. When they erased her personality they hadn’t erased her soul.
She’d been so lost in her thoughts that she almost walked straight past her new apartment block. It was in a nicer part of the city and was much bigger than her last place. The size had been one factor that had drawn her to it; another had been that it had an elevator. Her apartment took up the whole of the top floor and having to walk up all those stairs every day would have been too much for anyone! She walked through the large glass doors and was met by the security guard, Bill.
“Good afternoon Miss Costley,” he said softly, tipping his hat towards her. He was an elderly man, with thinning gray hair and a kind smile.
She smiled back at him in return. “Hi Bill. How are you today?”
“Oh fine Miss, fine. Um, Miss Costley, do you have any male friends that you were expecting?”
Madeline looked at him in shock, speechless for a moment while she tried to get her thoughts together before finally saying “No, there’s no one. Why? What’s happened?”
“Oh it’s probably nothing Miss,” replied Bill. “It’s just there was this young man outside, looking at the names of the tenants and he seemed most interested in your name. I went and asked him if I could help and he got quite flustered and left. Maybe you have a secret admirer Miss?
“What did he look like?” asked Madeline, hope lacing her words.
“Well Miss, he was very tall and he had short dark hair and was wearing jeans and a light gray jacket. I’m sorry, I’m afraid I can’t remember much more than that.”
Madeline felt her pulse racing. It was him! He’d found her!
“It’s ok Bill! Thank you! Thank you so much!”
She ran into the elevator and frantically pushed the button for the top floor. This proved it! He did know her and her dreams were real memories! As the elevator doors slid open, she skipped towards her door, her hands shaking as she pushed the key into the lock. She got into her apartment and couldn’t help the squeal of joy which escaped from her lips. After months of the dreams and thinking she might have been going mad, she was now certain that everything she felt was real. She didn’t care that they were Mellie’s memories; they felt as real as her own. Just thinking about him made her stomach tighten and her heart race. She was in love with him and now she was sure he loved her too.
~~~~~~~~
“You went to her apartment?” asked Boyd, his voice gruff with annoyance. “Why the hell would you do that Ballard?”
Paul sighed, picking up the shot glass sat before him and knocking back the alcohol before responding. “I can’t get her out of my head Boyd. Every night I dream about her, about Mellie. I loved her and I can’t get over her and knowing Madeline is out there and that she might remember me….What if she’s like Mellie? What if I could have with her what I had with Mellie? It’s killing me not knowing.”
Boyd huffed and began shuffling the pack of cards. After a tenuous start, they had developed a friendship of sorts. Boyd had seen Paul protect Echo on various engagements and seemed satisfied that he had her best intentions at heart, and Paul had seen a different side to Boyd. He wasn’t completely sure what had happened between Boyd and Topher a few weeks ago, but Topher jumped whenever Boyd entered the room and had been unusually quiet and withdrawn. Boyd never spoke about his life before the House although Paul had always assumed that he’d been a cop. He wasn’t so sure now though, there was something darker lurking under the surface.
“Adelle won’t be happy,” said Boyd suddenly, while laying two cards in front of himself and Paul, discarding the next card and laying three more cards face up on the small table. They were playing a modified version of Texus Hold’em, a weekly ritual that had started a couple of months ago.
“Well you won’t tell her…will you?” said Paul carefully, lifting up the cards Boyd had given him and looking at them, a blank expression on his face.
“I should,” replied Boyd. “I’m chief of security after all.”
Paul looked up at Boyd, his face serious. “Boyd, if you tell her she’ll either get rid of me or she’ll get rid of Madeline. It was a moment of weakness, nothing else. I won’t be going again.”
“You know,” said Boyd, his voice dropping to a whisper. “If you did go and see her, and if you did decide you wanted to be together, I could help.”
Paul slowly lowered his hands, forgetting his cards. He wasn’t sure he had heard Boyd correctly. What was he saying?
He continued looking at him in confusion while Boyd continued. “This isn’t a good place Paul. We don’t do good things here. Adelle tries to spin her lies, confuse us with her words and convince us we’re righteous but we’re not righteous. We help them deal in slavery, extortion, corruption, manipulation. We don’t help or serve anyone but the men at the top and we don’t even know what their true objective is.” He poured himself another drink, getting up and walking around Paul’s small room, running his free hand through his hair. “If you want out, I can do it. I will happily do it. There is still hope for you Paul, you can atone. I’ve done too much, seen too much to ever get away.”
“Boyd, I don’t understand,” said Paul, standing up and walking towards his friend. “What are you talking about?”
Boyd waved away his concern, smiling tightly. “It doesn’t matter Paul. Just remember what I said. If you ever need any help, you know where I am.”
He walked past Paul and sat down again at the small poker table. Paul didn’t know what to say. He was stunned by everything Boyd had just said. He’d always thought that Boyd was like Adelle, convinced that what they were doing was right, but he’d been wrong. He looked at the older man, who suddenly looked very vulnerable, and felt a pang of sympathy. Paul could still get out but Boyd was in too deep now. He could never escape, but he could help others.
“What are you waiting for?” asked Boyd, “We playing or what?”
“Um, yeah, sure. I think I need new cards though,” laughed Paul uneasily while he sat back down.
“Won’t make any difference though,” said Boyd, a glint in his eyes. “I’ll still beat you like I always do.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Madeline woke up, a gasp leaving her mouth, and sweat covering her body. She’d been dreaming about Paul, but she’d never had a dream like that before. She giggled to herself and knew she was blushing. It had been so real. She could still feel the physical results of the dream, the tremors of pleasure still pulsing through her body. She had dreamt of kissing him before, but in that memory she had pulled away, mumbling something about not inflating the stock before dumping it. She had always wondered if they ever had gotten past that point and now she knew.
The feelings, the sensations, she had felt every moment that his hands had touched her that first time they had been together. She had seen the intensity in his green eyes as he’d moved in to kiss her. She’d felt his lips pushing against hers, his tongue gently opening her mouth and caressing her tongue with his own. She’d felt as her skin had risen in bumps when he had ran his hands over her shoulders and down her arms before resting on her hips, pulling her closer to him. He’d looked at her, asking with his eyes if it was alright, and she had nodded shyly. He’s taken her hand in his own and led her to the bedroom where he had kissed her softly before exploring every inch of her body with his mouth.
Her skin was still tingling from the memories the dream had given her. She remembered it all, in vivid, full colour and surround sound detail. She also remembered the conversation they had had afterwards. She’d been joking with him, poking fun, but really she had been preparing herself for the inevitable let down. He’d been so sweet though, reassuring her in his way that he wasn’t going anywhere. She remembered feeling surprised before a warmth had spread through her.
Somehow that hadn’t been the best part of the dream though. The best part had been when he had said he would get them food from the Tiki Hut. Finally she had somewhere to go and look for him. Somewhere she knew he went regularly, somewhere she knew he would be at some point.
As Madeline climbed out of bed she felt as though she was light as a feather. Things were finally starting to work out.
~~~~~~~~~~
It was her twenty-second night in a row visiting the Tiki Hut. The first time she’d been in, the owners had greeted her as if they knew her, smiling and ushering her to a seat. They’d seemed very confused when she had obviously not recognised them and she knew they were beginning to think she was quite strange, coming in and just ordering tea, but they didn’t hassle her. Every time she heard the doors open she would whip round in her chair, desperate to see him there, but each time she was disappointed.
She knew their menu by heart now. She knew all the waiters and waitresses by name and the number of stripes in the wallpaper. She recognised regular customers and even knew what some of them were going to order. She had sat here alone every night waiting for Paul, the hope in her heart vanishing fast. She had been so sure when she woke up from the dream that it had been real but after three weeks of waiting she was starting to doubt herself. She had already decided that this was the last night she would wait, that she couldn’t spend her whole life waiting for something that may never happen. It hurt her to think in such a way, she was sure that she was meant to be with this man, but you couldn’t fight fate forever. If they weren’t meant to be then it would never happen. She’d lost years of her life already; she didn’t want to lose more.
As she stared at the wallpaper lost in her thoughts, she heard the door open again. She didn’t bother turning round, not until she heard the voice that she waited months to hear.
“Hi, can I get two pan fried noodles with chicken, one shredded beef with green peppers, one sweet and sour shrimp and some steamed vegetable dumpling please.”
She turned round and looked at the man standing by the counter, fishing some notes out of his wallet and took a sharp intake of breath. It was him. It was Paul. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she stood up and walked towards him on unsteady legs. Her body was screaming out to her to reach out and touch him, to pull him towards her and wrap herself in his arms. It was as if her skin remembered how it would feel to be with him and she fought not to throw herself at him. She self consciously smoothed down the simple black dress she was wearing and ran her hands through her hair before taking a deep breath.
“Hi Paul.”
~~~~~~~~
It was game night again and Paul had decided he’d had all the Dollhouse catering he could stand for a lifetime. He missed his favourite restaurant and had persuaded Boyd to order from there for a change. He wasn’t sure what it was about the Tiki Hut he liked so much. It was so familiar to him now, he knew the owners really well and he had some good memories of this place. He smiled as he got some money out of his wallet, remembering the times he had bought Mellie here. She had loved this place as much as he had and the guy that ran the place had taken a real shine to her. They’d even had a special table that they had always sat at. As he was lost in his thoughts he heard a small, quiet voice behind him.
“Hi Paul.”
He turned round and couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Madeline standing there, looking terrified and gorgeous. She knew him. She knew his name. He wanted to say something, deny who he was, push her away, but all he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss her perfect mouth and hold her in his arms.
“Don’t say anything,” she said quickly. “Let me talk, please. There are things you need to know. I remember Paul. I remember everything. I remember being a Doll, I remember being Mellie. I know that you didn’t know, and I know that even when you did know you still slept with me.”
He flinched at her words. He’d known this would happen. He’d known that if she ever found out the truth that she would hate him.
“I remember loving you, I remember hating you, and I remember my heart breaking when you left me. I also remember all the good times. I remember the movies and the walks in the park, I remember you loved this restaurant, I remember how sweet and kind you were and I remember you loved me.”
She stopped talking, taking a long shaking breath before looking up at him, her eyes wide. She stepped forward and took both his hands in hers before saying the words he had wanted to hear for so many months.
“I love you Paul. I dream about you every night and I want us to be together.”
He felt a tidal wave of emotions crashing through his heart. It was so dangerous, Adelle would not tolerate it, but he couldn’t fight his heart any longer and he was tired of being controlled by the Dollhouse. It was time to have what he wanted.
He reached out his hand and traced the line of her face before cupping her chin and lifting her head towards him. He moved his lips down to meet hers, feeling the electricity sparking over his whole body. As their lips met, he felt a peace and calm that had been missing for such a long time. Finally he was where he was meant to be.