it is worse the second time.
i come here when i feel like there is no where else to go to say what i need to say.
this is directed towards a person who will never read this. and you dont have to read this either, but it is something i have been keeping to myself. and you will understand my heart.
when i am with you i am so conflicted.
my feelings for you make me want to be with you all the time
but my brain tells me that i am doing this all over again.
I am now too close and i can not pull away from you.
i tried in the beginning and i should have stuck with it,
but you are too amazing not to have as a friend in my life.
my head says that we can be just friends and i can do that.
but everytime i see you on the stage in those lights and
i hear your voice i am entranced by you all over again.
I know that I am upset and you are what would make me happy
and i know you are upset and i could make you happy, but you wont let me.
and i know it is all about timing, but why cant the timing work out now?
I just wish that I didnt know you so well. I can hear you laugh and immediately
I see your face; the way your nose wrinkles up. I love that about you.
I love the way you gesture when you talk, almost always palm up.
I love that I can tell from your expressions how you are feeling.
and I love how well you know me, and how you like to prove it all the time
by knowing crazy and random facts about me and my life.
I love your family. and i love how much you love them. I love that your Mom
hugged me and told me that she appreciated me for bringing you to see her.
and how she told the stories about the monkey and how you held her hand.
I love how you throw yourself completely into things that you are passionate about.
and even if you dont think its true, i love how you are your biggest critic and
how you actually care about my opinions and what i think. of life. of you.
I wish you didnt know me so well, because it makes it very hard when you are trying
to let go and you cant. You wont let me go because were too close now. you are too involved
now to give up. you jump, i jump, remember?
And it kills me everyday that i see the person who i have allowed to know me better
than anyone. who knows my secrets and my goals. and i am not allowed to touch him.
to embrace him and hold onto him untill i stop hurting. i just keep hurting.
what is wrong with me that i cant be the one?
where is the one for me?
i want him now.
who is he?
God?.....
I am miserable. and i need it to stop. it is getting worse.
this is my heart.
-chrissy
this is directed towards a person who will never read this. and you dont have to read this either, but it is something i have been keeping to myself. and you will understand my heart.
when i am with you i am so conflicted.
my feelings for you make me want to be with you all the time
but my brain tells me that i am doing this all over again.
I am now too close and i can not pull away from you.
i tried in the beginning and i should have stuck with it,
but you are too amazing not to have as a friend in my life.
my head says that we can be just friends and i can do that.
but everytime i see you on the stage in those lights and
i hear your voice i am entranced by you all over again.
I know that I am upset and you are what would make me happy
and i know you are upset and i could make you happy, but you wont let me.
and i know it is all about timing, but why cant the timing work out now?
I just wish that I didnt know you so well. I can hear you laugh and immediately
I see your face; the way your nose wrinkles up. I love that about you.
I love the way you gesture when you talk, almost always palm up.
I love that I can tell from your expressions how you are feeling.
and I love how well you know me, and how you like to prove it all the time
by knowing crazy and random facts about me and my life.
I love your family. and i love how much you love them. I love that your Mom
hugged me and told me that she appreciated me for bringing you to see her.
and how she told the stories about the monkey and how you held her hand.
I love how you throw yourself completely into things that you are passionate about.
and even if you dont think its true, i love how you are your biggest critic and
how you actually care about my opinions and what i think. of life. of you.
I wish you didnt know me so well, because it makes it very hard when you are trying
to let go and you cant. You wont let me go because were too close now. you are too involved
now to give up. you jump, i jump, remember?
And it kills me everyday that i see the person who i have allowed to know me better
than anyone. who knows my secrets and my goals. and i am not allowed to touch him.
to embrace him and hold onto him untill i stop hurting. i just keep hurting.
what is wrong with me that i cant be the one?
where is the one for me?
i want him now.
who is he?
God?.....
I am miserable. and i need it to stop. it is getting worse.
this is my heart.
-chrissy