I Remember (1/2)
Title: I Remember (1/2)
Pairing: B-Bomb/U-Kwon
Rating: PG-13
WC: 2,028
August 2010
It’s been a month. Yookwon flipped onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. For a while, he laid in his bed thinking about what he should do today, but everything seemed hopeless. Every day he woke up for the past month not wanting to do anything but wallow in sadness and pain.
Blink. Closing his eyes again in hopes that he can drain the rest of his day away in sleep, his mind drifted into a stream of consciousness, thoughts relaying after one another. What were random thoughts at first began linking to one another in the form of memories, the memories of them holding hands to their first kiss, and eventually to the first time they gave themselves to one another. Blink.
Yookwon shot up from his bed, legs hanging limb off of the bed with his head hanging low. The sheets that barely sheathed his lower half rolled off of him when Yookwon had brought his knees up in hugging them closely to his body, burying his face in an attempt to hide the tears that fell and the cries that escaped from his lips.
He still remembered.
November 2010
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jaehyo asked worriedly when he saw Yookwon down the shot of vodka in one drink.
“I’m fine,” Yookwon smiled as he poured himself for what was now his 5th shot. Jaehyo had every right to worry considering that Yookwon was never much of a drinker and seeing him take down five shots of vodka, that definitely meant something.
The two continued drinking in silence, despite the atmosphere surrounding them was blaring with the latest trending music and people here and there occasionally shouting along to the DJ’s words.
“Yookwon, you can’t possibly drink forever without telling me,” Jaehyo finally spoke up while he snatched the vodka bottle away from his hand. Upon taking his drink away, Yookwon reached out for a different bottle that was on the table until he felt Jaehyo’s grip around his wrist. He pouted while he looked up at Jaehyo before breaking out into a smile.
Despite how hard he tried to smile, it only lingered for so long until he felt the muscles at the corners of his mouth begin to weaken, slowly dominating the pressure Yookwon tried with all his might to keep a sane smile for Jaehyo, but nothing worked. Tears began to blur his vision and his lips quivered. Jaehyo quickly took Yookwon to his shoulder, patting the younger boy on the back in trying to soothe him but stopped his actions when he felt tears soak into his shirt while Yookwon sobbed endlessly, clutching onto his shirt for some kind of support.
Yookwon spilled to him about how he was cleaning his house and remnants of him and Minhyuk lingered around, finding boxes of old photos of the two and clothes that Minhyuk left behind for the nights he’d sleep over. It took over three hours for Yookwon to finally put them all in one place. It wasn’t much, but enough to bring Yookwon back to the old memories and think about everything that happened. And how much he missed Minhyuk.
At relaying his day to Jaehyo and the thought of Minhyuk again, Yookwon sobbed harder onto Jaehyo, who could only do so much in patting Yookwon on the back lightly to help calm his cries.
“What do I do, hyung?” Yookwon looked up at Jaehyo, his eyes glistening with tears.
“You get over him. You start fresh. You trash all you have of him inside your house, inside your head, and inside your heart. The only way you’ll be happy is if you get rid of him,” Jaehyo said immediately, patting Yookwon on the head.
“But what if I can’t? What if I remember him again?”
In fear of the future, Yookwon hung his head dejectedly until Jaehyo wrapped his arms around him, bringing him close again in lending his shoulder once more. Hopefully, this will be the last time Yookwon will cry over Minhyuk.
December 2010
After Jaehyo drilling in his head that it was time to move on, Yookwon finally gained the strength to bring the pile of anything Minhyuk-related from the corner of his room to the center of the living room. The problem was how he was going to move on.
He thought about burning the belongings, throwing them in the garbage, or even donating the items that could be given away, but then thought too quickly that none of these options were apt in making him a better person of the situation. He then thought about keeping it, but that might be a living nightmare having to wake up to piled belongings every morning as if it were some shrine.
Instead, he picked up the box in his hands and made his way out the door, packing it into the passenger seat of his car and driving down the familiar streets, yet having the foreign feeling as if it were his first time driving by it.
Yookwon pulled up on the curb and turned off his engine, taking in a deep breath before glancing to the side at the tan apartment building, seeing the familiar white car parked out on the curb as well. He tugged on his jacket in wrapping it tighter around him, finally opening his car door to be greeted by the small flakes of snow falling down on him. Hurriedly, he moved to the other side and slightly wobbled with the box in his hands meanwhile attempting to shut the car door. In wearily walking with the heavy box in front of him, Yookwon stopped in his tracks beside an old man who was selling baked potatoes.
“May I have a bags worth please?” Yookwon smiled as he crouched down in eye-level with the elder man, who gladly began pulling out the potatoes wrapped delicately in tin foil and tossing them into a paper bag.
Minhyuk checked his phone to the message alarm that went off to see that it was from an anonymous number.
“Merry Christmas. I hope you like your present.”
Confused, he clearly knew that there was no way someone might have come into his house, considering he’s been home all day. It took a couple of minutes for him to register that something may be outside. With caution, he checked through his security camera to see that there was a box in front of his door. He peered through the door and saw a box sitting there with what looked like a paper bag sitting on top of it. Minhyuk took the paper bag into his hands and opened to see little balls of tin foil steaming, until he had dropped the bag onto the ground and tore open the box to see his old clothes, pictures, and gifts. Frantically, he ran out and searched around for any trace but there was no use: Yookwon was gone.
February 2011
The weather in Korea was still a bit cold, the snow having stopped but the wind still blowing strong. However, Yookwon was able to avoid all of that.
Yookwon continued to spread his hands all over across the guy’s chest, hips grinding into his harder by each beat of the bass blaring inside the club.
“How about we continue this somewhere else with a little less clothes and a little more friction?” The guy named Zico sneered as he whispered into Yookwon’s ear. Before even waiting for his answer, he tugged his hand as the two giddily made their way past the crowd of people until the cold air and night sky embraced them.
Zico managed to haul a taxi and the two continued to fidget inside, touching each other in wherever their hands roamed around to until the cab driver had kicked them off at their destination, mumbling something about kids these days. Yookwon giggled and felt his back hit the elevator walls, Zico slamming his hands on the side of Yookwon’s head, dipping low in both of their lips meeting for a kiss.
The elevator ride wasn’t long enough to sustain their kiss, but the two tried to manage in working something out as Zico backed Yookwon up against the wall, one hand holding his hip while the other messily punched in the passcode to his condo.
The familiar alarm ringed in Zico’s ears, pulling the door open and shoving Yookwon inside before pouncing on him again, kicking off one of his shoes in the process.
The only sound that echoed throughout the apartment was Zico slobbering messy kisses down Yookwon’s throat all the while unbuckling his jeans simultaneously, leaving Yookwon to roam his hands down as well in shakily tugging on Zico’s belt buckle.
“Bed,” Yookwon managed to utter and felt Zico nod against his chest, wrapping his arms firmly around his waist in guiding him backwards until he toppled on top of Yookwon.
Shirts and jeans were already gone, the two of them both heating up and getting hard at the sight of one another. Zico bent down with his weight barely on Yookwon, foreheads leaning against each other.
“Fuck me,” Yookwon smiled coyly as he raked his fingers up and down Zico’s arms, slight red marks rising up against Zico’s pale skin.
“You’re like a cat,” Zico grinned. “A kitty. Kitty Kwon.”
“You’re like a kitten,” Minhyuk grinned while brushing the hair away from Yookwon’s eyes. Yookwon looked up at him, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
“I see kitty is getting hard.” Zico pressed himself closer to Yookwon, his lips lingering on the spot below Yookwon’s ear.
“You can be a kitty. Kitty Kwon,” Minhyuk said. “Now, purr for me,” he joked, earning a slap on the arm from Yookwon.
“Now, purr for me,” Zico said while his lips traced down his neck.
“That’s it. Get off,” Yookwon said, shoving Zico’s shoulders lightly. When he didn’t and still remained his weight on top of him with a confused look, Yookwon shoved harder this time. “I said get off!”
Zico rolled onto the side, staring at Yookwon’s backside as he got up from the bed, throwing his shirt back on and scrambling for his jeans in the dark. “Is something wrong?” Zico asked.
“Everything. We’re done here,” Yookwon said without even looking back at Zico, who was now propped up on his elbow in continuing to lie down on his side.
“Come back to bed, kitty,” Zico teased.
Once Yookwon had zipped up his jeans, he turned around to face Zico, barely able to make up his facial traits in the dark.
“No, we’re done. Nothing happened tonight and nothing will happen ever in the future.” Yookwon turned around and took a few steps before looking back at Zico. “By the way, I’m not your kitty.”
He shut the door behind him while he waited for the elevator, staring at the reflection from the closed doors. His hair was disheveled, shirt wrinkled all over the place, and eyes sunken in. Before he could look at himself any longer, the doors dinged open and Yookwon hurriedly stepped inside before pressing on the ground level button. The doors clunked in closing before Yookwon leaned his forehead against the cool walls, memories he’s tried so hard to push back resurfacing in his head again of Minhyuk cupping his cheeks before planting kisses around his face out of the blue, or the times when Minhyuk would be waiting outside for him after dance practice, towel ready in his hand to wipe off his sweat and take him out for ice cream.
In frustration, Yookwon began to scream, tears running down his cheeks with his hands balled into fists, shaking until they hit against the elevator walls repeatedly. It was only a few seconds until Yookwon’s punches slowed down, too shaken up by the sadness beginning to revel inside of him while the anger subsided. His legs soon gave in, collapsing onto the floor as he brought his knees in hugging his chest, crying as the elevator stopped at its destination, doors hanging wide open with Yookwon’s cries echoing throughout the lobby.
He remembers
( Part II)
Pairing: B-Bomb/U-Kwon
Rating: PG-13
WC: 2,028
August 2010
It’s been a month. Yookwon flipped onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. For a while, he laid in his bed thinking about what he should do today, but everything seemed hopeless. Every day he woke up for the past month not wanting to do anything but wallow in sadness and pain.
Blink. Closing his eyes again in hopes that he can drain the rest of his day away in sleep, his mind drifted into a stream of consciousness, thoughts relaying after one another. What were random thoughts at first began linking to one another in the form of memories, the memories of them holding hands to their first kiss, and eventually to the first time they gave themselves to one another. Blink.
Yookwon shot up from his bed, legs hanging limb off of the bed with his head hanging low. The sheets that barely sheathed his lower half rolled off of him when Yookwon had brought his knees up in hugging them closely to his body, burying his face in an attempt to hide the tears that fell and the cries that escaped from his lips.
He still remembered.
November 2010
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jaehyo asked worriedly when he saw Yookwon down the shot of vodka in one drink.
“I’m fine,” Yookwon smiled as he poured himself for what was now his 5th shot. Jaehyo had every right to worry considering that Yookwon was never much of a drinker and seeing him take down five shots of vodka, that definitely meant something.
The two continued drinking in silence, despite the atmosphere surrounding them was blaring with the latest trending music and people here and there occasionally shouting along to the DJ’s words.
“Yookwon, you can’t possibly drink forever without telling me,” Jaehyo finally spoke up while he snatched the vodka bottle away from his hand. Upon taking his drink away, Yookwon reached out for a different bottle that was on the table until he felt Jaehyo’s grip around his wrist. He pouted while he looked up at Jaehyo before breaking out into a smile.
Despite how hard he tried to smile, it only lingered for so long until he felt the muscles at the corners of his mouth begin to weaken, slowly dominating the pressure Yookwon tried with all his might to keep a sane smile for Jaehyo, but nothing worked. Tears began to blur his vision and his lips quivered. Jaehyo quickly took Yookwon to his shoulder, patting the younger boy on the back in trying to soothe him but stopped his actions when he felt tears soak into his shirt while Yookwon sobbed endlessly, clutching onto his shirt for some kind of support.
Yookwon spilled to him about how he was cleaning his house and remnants of him and Minhyuk lingered around, finding boxes of old photos of the two and clothes that Minhyuk left behind for the nights he’d sleep over. It took over three hours for Yookwon to finally put them all in one place. It wasn’t much, but enough to bring Yookwon back to the old memories and think about everything that happened. And how much he missed Minhyuk.
At relaying his day to Jaehyo and the thought of Minhyuk again, Yookwon sobbed harder onto Jaehyo, who could only do so much in patting Yookwon on the back lightly to help calm his cries.
“What do I do, hyung?” Yookwon looked up at Jaehyo, his eyes glistening with tears.
“You get over him. You start fresh. You trash all you have of him inside your house, inside your head, and inside your heart. The only way you’ll be happy is if you get rid of him,” Jaehyo said immediately, patting Yookwon on the head.
“But what if I can’t? What if I remember him again?”
In fear of the future, Yookwon hung his head dejectedly until Jaehyo wrapped his arms around him, bringing him close again in lending his shoulder once more. Hopefully, this will be the last time Yookwon will cry over Minhyuk.
December 2010
After Jaehyo drilling in his head that it was time to move on, Yookwon finally gained the strength to bring the pile of anything Minhyuk-related from the corner of his room to the center of the living room. The problem was how he was going to move on.
He thought about burning the belongings, throwing them in the garbage, or even donating the items that could be given away, but then thought too quickly that none of these options were apt in making him a better person of the situation. He then thought about keeping it, but that might be a living nightmare having to wake up to piled belongings every morning as if it were some shrine.
Instead, he picked up the box in his hands and made his way out the door, packing it into the passenger seat of his car and driving down the familiar streets, yet having the foreign feeling as if it were his first time driving by it.
Yookwon pulled up on the curb and turned off his engine, taking in a deep breath before glancing to the side at the tan apartment building, seeing the familiar white car parked out on the curb as well. He tugged on his jacket in wrapping it tighter around him, finally opening his car door to be greeted by the small flakes of snow falling down on him. Hurriedly, he moved to the other side and slightly wobbled with the box in his hands meanwhile attempting to shut the car door. In wearily walking with the heavy box in front of him, Yookwon stopped in his tracks beside an old man who was selling baked potatoes.
“May I have a bags worth please?” Yookwon smiled as he crouched down in eye-level with the elder man, who gladly began pulling out the potatoes wrapped delicately in tin foil and tossing them into a paper bag.
Minhyuk checked his phone to the message alarm that went off to see that it was from an anonymous number.
“Merry Christmas. I hope you like your present.”
Confused, he clearly knew that there was no way someone might have come into his house, considering he’s been home all day. It took a couple of minutes for him to register that something may be outside. With caution, he checked through his security camera to see that there was a box in front of his door. He peered through the door and saw a box sitting there with what looked like a paper bag sitting on top of it. Minhyuk took the paper bag into his hands and opened to see little balls of tin foil steaming, until he had dropped the bag onto the ground and tore open the box to see his old clothes, pictures, and gifts. Frantically, he ran out and searched around for any trace but there was no use: Yookwon was gone.
February 2011
The weather in Korea was still a bit cold, the snow having stopped but the wind still blowing strong. However, Yookwon was able to avoid all of that.
Yookwon continued to spread his hands all over across the guy’s chest, hips grinding into his harder by each beat of the bass blaring inside the club.
“How about we continue this somewhere else with a little less clothes and a little more friction?” The guy named Zico sneered as he whispered into Yookwon’s ear. Before even waiting for his answer, he tugged his hand as the two giddily made their way past the crowd of people until the cold air and night sky embraced them.
Zico managed to haul a taxi and the two continued to fidget inside, touching each other in wherever their hands roamed around to until the cab driver had kicked them off at their destination, mumbling something about kids these days. Yookwon giggled and felt his back hit the elevator walls, Zico slamming his hands on the side of Yookwon’s head, dipping low in both of their lips meeting for a kiss.
The elevator ride wasn’t long enough to sustain their kiss, but the two tried to manage in working something out as Zico backed Yookwon up against the wall, one hand holding his hip while the other messily punched in the passcode to his condo.
The familiar alarm ringed in Zico’s ears, pulling the door open and shoving Yookwon inside before pouncing on him again, kicking off one of his shoes in the process.
The only sound that echoed throughout the apartment was Zico slobbering messy kisses down Yookwon’s throat all the while unbuckling his jeans simultaneously, leaving Yookwon to roam his hands down as well in shakily tugging on Zico’s belt buckle.
“Bed,” Yookwon managed to utter and felt Zico nod against his chest, wrapping his arms firmly around his waist in guiding him backwards until he toppled on top of Yookwon.
Shirts and jeans were already gone, the two of them both heating up and getting hard at the sight of one another. Zico bent down with his weight barely on Yookwon, foreheads leaning against each other.
“Fuck me,” Yookwon smiled coyly as he raked his fingers up and down Zico’s arms, slight red marks rising up against Zico’s pale skin.
“You’re like a cat,” Zico grinned. “A kitty. Kitty Kwon.”
“You’re like a kitten,” Minhyuk grinned while brushing the hair away from Yookwon’s eyes. Yookwon looked up at him, a goofy grin spreading across his face.
“I see kitty is getting hard.” Zico pressed himself closer to Yookwon, his lips lingering on the spot below Yookwon’s ear.
“You can be a kitty. Kitty Kwon,” Minhyuk said. “Now, purr for me,” he joked, earning a slap on the arm from Yookwon.
“Now, purr for me,” Zico said while his lips traced down his neck.
“That’s it. Get off,” Yookwon said, shoving Zico’s shoulders lightly. When he didn’t and still remained his weight on top of him with a confused look, Yookwon shoved harder this time. “I said get off!”
Zico rolled onto the side, staring at Yookwon’s backside as he got up from the bed, throwing his shirt back on and scrambling for his jeans in the dark. “Is something wrong?” Zico asked.
“Everything. We’re done here,” Yookwon said without even looking back at Zico, who was now propped up on his elbow in continuing to lie down on his side.
“Come back to bed, kitty,” Zico teased.
Once Yookwon had zipped up his jeans, he turned around to face Zico, barely able to make up his facial traits in the dark.
“No, we’re done. Nothing happened tonight and nothing will happen ever in the future.” Yookwon turned around and took a few steps before looking back at Zico. “By the way, I’m not your kitty.”
He shut the door behind him while he waited for the elevator, staring at the reflection from the closed doors. His hair was disheveled, shirt wrinkled all over the place, and eyes sunken in. Before he could look at himself any longer, the doors dinged open and Yookwon hurriedly stepped inside before pressing on the ground level button. The doors clunked in closing before Yookwon leaned his forehead against the cool walls, memories he’s tried so hard to push back resurfacing in his head again of Minhyuk cupping his cheeks before planting kisses around his face out of the blue, or the times when Minhyuk would be waiting outside for him after dance practice, towel ready in his hand to wipe off his sweat and take him out for ice cream.
In frustration, Yookwon began to scream, tears running down his cheeks with his hands balled into fists, shaking until they hit against the elevator walls repeatedly. It was only a few seconds until Yookwon’s punches slowed down, too shaken up by the sadness beginning to revel inside of him while the anger subsided. His legs soon gave in, collapsing onto the floor as he brought his knees in hugging his chest, crying as the elevator stopped at its destination, doors hanging wide open with Yookwon’s cries echoing throughout the lobby.
He remembers
( Part II)