forever.

[penguins4me]

Sometimes you just have to let go, forget all your fears and inhibitions. I was afraid to get hurt by you but by pushing you away I ended up hurting even more than you ever could have and hurt you so much in the process. I'm afraid to be alone and I'm afraid to be in love. I hate my life without you but I can't let you into my life. You're too close to me, you know me better than I know myself. I didn't mean the things I said to you tonight. I know you know that. If I hurt you first, you can't get the chance to hurt me, right? I don't know why I did the things that I did and I know that you want and deserve an explanation. I wish I knew why I did them but I don't think I ever will. I'm going to live the rest of my life wondering, what if?. I'm going to end up sad and alone. I could never love anyone or be loved by anyone as much you. I'm destined to die unhappy.

Garrett, I love you more than anything else in the world but I can't keep hurting you like this. You don't deserve it. I don't know what will make me change or if I ever will. I hope that someday I do and I hope that I find you and we can be together again. Until then, goodbye, I'll miss you and I'll always love you.