My deepest thoughts.
I miss my dog, more than any human I have ever lost. I feel like I should feel guilty about this, but I don't.
I've lost 65lbs., and I've never felt fatter, or more unhappy about my body than I do now.
My Dad got cancer last year. I took him to chemo every time, no matter what was going on at work or in my personal life. I had never felt closer to him, or actually felt love for him until this happened. Now he's back to being the same asshole he always was, and I hate him for it.
A few years ago, my best friend (straight) told me he was, and had always been in love with me. It took me by complete surprise. I had never looked at him like that. He was dating a friend of mine, and I had just met mine. It thru me for a complete loop, and for a while I didn't know what to do with the information. I brought it up a few drunken nights, and he never wanted to talk about it. Finally one night 2 years later, after a friend had died, we were the only two still awake, and I brought it up one last time. I told him that I loved him, but I loved my boyfriend more. That I loved him, but not in that way. We've never spoken of it again, but it was that conversation that I needed. I needed that closure, nor for me, but for him. I have never been happier with my now fiancé, and he has since married that girl and they have a beautiful son, and we have become basically a family together. I just miss the friendship we had before that final conversation. I feel like we're still good friends, but not on that same level. For some reason, that makes me feel guilty and something I think about often.
I hate my current job so much, it's mentally killing me. I've never been so unhappy with the human race till I started working here. I need to get out, but if I do, I feel like I'm giving up. It's an internal struggle that I never expected to be so difficult. I don't want to work in retail anymore. Now I have a new battle, I turned 30, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Nor how to get started in a new career. I'm too broke for college, and make too much (14 years in retail) to take a paycut. I feel like one of those terrible infomercials for ITT tech.