Containers
Telling myself to take things easy, to relax, enjoy the day, to sit in meditation and reading rather than the daily eight mile walkabout, to calm the insatiable and impossible task of keeping up on all the people, locations, and experiences of life (one might call it an omnipresence of the past; an omnipresent-past-tension), to focus on developing new talents and habits, to simply let the world pass by outside in such a thorough way that not only will others not notice my absence, they won't even register the lacuna of my existence...
Telling myself all this, I instead clean out the apartment. I wipe and scrub and vacuum, rearrange and remove items, and then do it all again after new layers of dead skin fall. It's enough of a frenzy to see the sun lower again. It's enough to still give me the same amount of "steps" I might accumulate during a normal day.
I rid myself of five or six bags and boxes of stuff. Objects accumulated over the past forty-one years. Anything can go. Lots of things do. It's exhilarating. I gain agency by redefining my home. I reduce my weight by shedding this extension of self. These objects were kept to remind me of a life lived. Now, they're more akin to memento mori. So, I save the skulls and push along the plush. This is the physical counterpart to the extensive rereading of journals last week. I purge myself of the constants to allow more variables.
But, also, I sincerely need someone to teach me how to chill the fuck out.
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loscil - Container
[Listen on bandcamp]
loscil - Container
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Telling myself all this, I instead clean out the apartment. I wipe and scrub and vacuum, rearrange and remove items, and then do it all again after new layers of dead skin fall. It's enough of a frenzy to see the sun lower again. It's enough to still give me the same amount of "steps" I might accumulate during a normal day.
I rid myself of five or six bags and boxes of stuff. Objects accumulated over the past forty-one years. Anything can go. Lots of things do. It's exhilarating. I gain agency by redefining my home. I reduce my weight by shedding this extension of self. These objects were kept to remind me of a life lived. Now, they're more akin to memento mori. So, I save the skulls and push along the plush. This is the physical counterpart to the extensive rereading of journals last week. I purge myself of the constants to allow more variables.
But, also, I sincerely need someone to teach me how to chill the fuck out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
loscil - Container
[Listen on bandcamp]
loscil - Container
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~