looking back at old love letters

[penguinfire]

It always seems the same; that you never realize what going on in your mind, until you get exposed to it again. When you awake from a dream and have a vague sensation that your were supposed to remember something. It happened for me while I was reading old love letters, text, poems, pouring over old photographs of lost loves, never realized love and lovely nut jobs. Stopping to feel the breeze late at night, when the trees shake and rustle almost as if the want to speak, or maybe there dancing to some beat, I can’t hear yet. Hell I am not sure I want to hear it. Start thinking about things like does any of them even care I am not there? OR does it matter? How lover can become strangers in such short times? How can best friends become enemies? People who I would cut for become complete and different people. Women who I had strong emotions for, why would I feel indifferent? Friends who I have bust slugs with, who I stayed at there house when shit got tough, who dated the same girl and didn’t care, who I would have walk a thousand miles for turn there back on it and me not care as much I should. But honestly this is mostly about women; I can name all the ones that truly mattered to me. I get so lost sometimes, day pass and this emptiness fills my heart. When I want to run way I drive off in my car, but which ever way i go I come back to the place you are, all my instincts they return. In a sad way it seems i will never win a war between my head and my heart. The problem i have is that I am emotionally crippled, but i know how to walk. That doesn't make sense to anyone but me. This entire post will probably not make any sense i don’t care.

To everyone whos has been there, everyone who I have ever dated, thank you. And good night
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