bleh
this week has been weird... i spent most of my time waiting for things that never happened. but it doesn't really matter that much in the end i guess.
i worked sunday and tonight, and while i really should have gone to class tuesday and thursday i just... didnt. something is wrong with me, motivationally. i know im good in geog, b/c lets be honest - it's really difficult not to ace a class where the quizzes are open book and the midterm and final are take-home. however, im pretty confident that passing drugs and behavior is now an impossibility. which is fucking sad since its a 2k level course, in my fucking major, which covers the same fucking material that i've learned in at least 2 other courses which i got As in. but... i just... suck. its completely my own fault, i have no excuses. and i dont even care... the concept of failing this class only bothers me because i dont want to take it again. fuck my grades. fuck my gpa. fuck graduating in any reasonable amount of time. what does it even matter? im not going to grad school, im not getting a psychology-related job, and i dont really have anyone to impress anymore. the whole straight-As thing means shit to my mom (as is evident in the fact that my sister, who finally passed some classes at gwinnett tech in her 3rd quarter there, is her favorite daughter). so.... whats the point? why not just squeek through the next 3 semesters with Cs, get the degree, and be done with it? answer: pride. stupid fucking pride. i have to show myself that no matter what anyone else might say or think, i am actually smart. its too bad that pride isnt enough to make me give a shit about this semester.
i honestly dont know where that little rant came from. it wasnt in my head when i started typing...
anyways...
this week, though weird, wasnt bad really. i went to the game ranch with resa and met some really awesome deer whom i now want to steal (one of them is a fawn who was bottle-fed since birth and is really more like a dog than a deer; the other is grown, but she licked my face so i heart her). then erik and i hung out with nancy for a bit. also, i finally went shopping with alison, and got some winter clothes. so now i wont be so cold, hopefully. oh who am i kidding... i can sit in my house with the heat up to 75 bundled up like im in the fucking arctic and still be cold. ::sigh::
i think im getting sick. my nose is uncontrollably runny, i've been sneezing more frequently than i ought, and ive been incredibly fatigued this past week. and on top of that i think i have another UTI. which would be number 4 this year. my dr gave me a referral to a urologist, but i havent gone yet. because im afraid my ins will decide not to pay for it and i wont be able to afford the bill. also, i am retarded. i dunno... i dont feel explicitly bad... i just don't feel good. i've been sleeping a lot, and when i'm awake i really just want to be asleep. i dont know whats wrong with me...
i was supposed to go over to elizabeths tonight, but i just didnt feel up to it. so i might go over there on sunday instead. i have the weekend off, but i still have a lot to do. adoptions take up almost the whole day on saturday, and i want to try to hang out with nancy and brad that night. then on sunday erik and i are planning to go visit max in the morning. i havent seen him in months, and i do miss him. its a pretty long drive, and if im smart i might use that time to study for my drugs and behavior final, which is on tuesday. but thats a mighty big if.
my house is full of puppies, and they have lost their appeal. that is all i shall say about that [here].
in fact... i think i shall stop typing altogether. goodnight... and sorry for all the bitching.
ps: im sure this should be obvious (but maybe not) but i really dont want to celebrate christmas this year, at all. i wont be getting presents for anyone and i dont want to receive any. i know that sounds very rude, and i apologize, but i just cant handle anything christmas-related right now. sorry... i hope everyone understands.
i worked sunday and tonight, and while i really should have gone to class tuesday and thursday i just... didnt. something is wrong with me, motivationally. i know im good in geog, b/c lets be honest - it's really difficult not to ace a class where the quizzes are open book and the midterm and final are take-home. however, im pretty confident that passing drugs and behavior is now an impossibility. which is fucking sad since its a 2k level course, in my fucking major, which covers the same fucking material that i've learned in at least 2 other courses which i got As in. but... i just... suck. its completely my own fault, i have no excuses. and i dont even care... the concept of failing this class only bothers me because i dont want to take it again. fuck my grades. fuck my gpa. fuck graduating in any reasonable amount of time. what does it even matter? im not going to grad school, im not getting a psychology-related job, and i dont really have anyone to impress anymore. the whole straight-As thing means shit to my mom (as is evident in the fact that my sister, who finally passed some classes at gwinnett tech in her 3rd quarter there, is her favorite daughter). so.... whats the point? why not just squeek through the next 3 semesters with Cs, get the degree, and be done with it? answer: pride. stupid fucking pride. i have to show myself that no matter what anyone else might say or think, i am actually smart. its too bad that pride isnt enough to make me give a shit about this semester.
i honestly dont know where that little rant came from. it wasnt in my head when i started typing...
anyways...
this week, though weird, wasnt bad really. i went to the game ranch with resa and met some really awesome deer whom i now want to steal (one of them is a fawn who was bottle-fed since birth and is really more like a dog than a deer; the other is grown, but she licked my face so i heart her). then erik and i hung out with nancy for a bit. also, i finally went shopping with alison, and got some winter clothes. so now i wont be so cold, hopefully. oh who am i kidding... i can sit in my house with the heat up to 75 bundled up like im in the fucking arctic and still be cold. ::sigh::
i think im getting sick. my nose is uncontrollably runny, i've been sneezing more frequently than i ought, and ive been incredibly fatigued this past week. and on top of that i think i have another UTI. which would be number 4 this year. my dr gave me a referral to a urologist, but i havent gone yet. because im afraid my ins will decide not to pay for it and i wont be able to afford the bill. also, i am retarded. i dunno... i dont feel explicitly bad... i just don't feel good. i've been sleeping a lot, and when i'm awake i really just want to be asleep. i dont know whats wrong with me...
i was supposed to go over to elizabeths tonight, but i just didnt feel up to it. so i might go over there on sunday instead. i have the weekend off, but i still have a lot to do. adoptions take up almost the whole day on saturday, and i want to try to hang out with nancy and brad that night. then on sunday erik and i are planning to go visit max in the morning. i havent seen him in months, and i do miss him. its a pretty long drive, and if im smart i might use that time to study for my drugs and behavior final, which is on tuesday. but thats a mighty big if.
my house is full of puppies, and they have lost their appeal. that is all i shall say about that [here].
in fact... i think i shall stop typing altogether. goodnight... and sorry for all the bitching.
ps: im sure this should be obvious (but maybe not) but i really dont want to celebrate christmas this year, at all. i wont be getting presents for anyone and i dont want to receive any. i know that sounds very rude, and i apologize, but i just cant handle anything christmas-related right now. sorry... i hope everyone understands.