connected...but seperate from the other rant.
Partly because I need to write, partly because I need to get some of this out...
Ever stand in fron tof hte mirror and think to yourself 'how wonderful to be me'? In a strange, very odd, almost disconnected way I did that just recently. Not in a real sense, but in a mental state that is hard to explain outside of 'generalized insanity' it occured to me that I rarely live life anymore, instead it's all a series of moves and countermoves aimed towards no real goal other than to continue playing. A game that exists only to play, and keep playing and to keep as many peices in constant play as long as possible. Not so much as pawns or things to be toyed with, not in a horrid sense of objectifying people. Rather in a sense of collecting, gathering up friends and interesting people, even foes, who will play the game with you, all the while being the peices you move about. No, that's not accurate, you don't move them...since moving them is against the rules, rather they move themselves and you move towards or away from them depending on what the goal is. In a sort of twisted, spiralling, epiphany of utter and sheer madness this is how my brain decided to look upon the world I've existed in. Ultimately passing it's own desperate sense of judgement and speculation upon my (and it's) existance. The rules say that the judgement can't be overly severe...since that would cause playing to be put on pause while retroflection takes over. So, to keep me in play, my always self-analytical mind hit this metaphor and ran with it. A game. A constant game...but one played with ultimate seriousness even while not taken seriously at all. If that sentence makes sense to you...then you might understand exactly where this insightful sprite of madness flittered from. To break it down into simpler english...I don't feel like things are real a lot of the time...no scratch that...everything is real, quite real in fact...but rather what happens on a day to day basis is not unlike a chose your own adventure book on a grand scale. Hrm, no...no...I'm still not explaining it correctly. Ugh...I fear my words are going to fail me tonight. I'll leave this as a thumbtack of madness so that one day should I be declared a genius for figuring 'it' out...this will mark the way. Or, should I one day be fitted for a white jacket that ties in the back instead of buttons in the front...and I'm moved to a padded white room...this thumbtack will mark the warning signs for anyone who might follow. Damn unexplainable epiphanies.
Ever stand in fron tof hte mirror and think to yourself 'how wonderful to be me'? In a strange, very odd, almost disconnected way I did that just recently. Not in a real sense, but in a mental state that is hard to explain outside of 'generalized insanity' it occured to me that I rarely live life anymore, instead it's all a series of moves and countermoves aimed towards no real goal other than to continue playing. A game that exists only to play, and keep playing and to keep as many peices in constant play as long as possible. Not so much as pawns or things to be toyed with, not in a horrid sense of objectifying people. Rather in a sense of collecting, gathering up friends and interesting people, even foes, who will play the game with you, all the while being the peices you move about. No, that's not accurate, you don't move them...since moving them is against the rules, rather they move themselves and you move towards or away from them depending on what the goal is. In a sort of twisted, spiralling, epiphany of utter and sheer madness this is how my brain decided to look upon the world I've existed in. Ultimately passing it's own desperate sense of judgement and speculation upon my (and it's) existance. The rules say that the judgement can't be overly severe...since that would cause playing to be put on pause while retroflection takes over. So, to keep me in play, my always self-analytical mind hit this metaphor and ran with it. A game. A constant game...but one played with ultimate seriousness even while not taken seriously at all. If that sentence makes sense to you...then you might understand exactly where this insightful sprite of madness flittered from. To break it down into simpler english...I don't feel like things are real a lot of the time...no scratch that...everything is real, quite real in fact...but rather what happens on a day to day basis is not unlike a chose your own adventure book on a grand scale. Hrm, no...no...I'm still not explaining it correctly. Ugh...I fear my words are going to fail me tonight. I'll leave this as a thumbtack of madness so that one day should I be declared a genius for figuring 'it' out...this will mark the way. Or, should I one day be fitted for a white jacket that ties in the back instead of buttons in the front...and I'm moved to a padded white room...this thumbtack will mark the warning signs for anyone who might follow. Damn unexplainable epiphanies.