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I've been feeling not so good lately.
I went to the doctor again because the mysterious stomach pain returned, and then I got referred to a large hospital where I was poked, stabbed, and tested. They found something on the MRI, the doctor said that it could be a tumor or an ulcer. Then they did an endoscopy, without any pain killers (that was quite exciting, let me tell you :() and she found a few benign polyps, but nothing else. She said she didn't know what was causing the pain, and that it might be my large intestine swelling due to stress. So, while that's not very good, I'm supposed to try to not stress as much.
Mika was on vacation and stayed with me the whole time. Last week she cooked me dinner every night, it was really sweet of her. My bosses left for the school trip to Chicago, and I can't explain how much of a weight off it is to have them gone. Without being constantly watched, I've felt my stress levels plummet dramatically. I still don't feel confident or good at what I do, but I'm trying. I'm less afraid of 'being the boss' in the classroom, and I'm more in control of things. Not to the point where I think my employers want me to be, but I'm getting there.
I just had to switch my work schedules, so now I'm working Tuesday-Saturday. It wouldn't be that bad, but I have to wake up early. The good part is that I get out early, but two kindergarten classes back to back at 10 am is going to be pretty draining.
My bosses informed us, before they left, that they took on a job at a daycare center. They told us that they're going to have Megan do it, because, in simple terms, they didn't think I had the energy to teach those kids for half an hour. Which is another blow to whatever self-esteem that I have, but whatever. It also makes me feel that they aren't going to re-hire me in January, and that they will indeed find someone else. I guess I just need to keep my options open.
Increasingly, I've been feeling alternatively homesick and alternatively wanting to just do something else. I don't know, and it's hard to explain, but I guess I just know that I couldn't do this job for very long. I know that. But I wish I knew what it was that I wanted to do. My heart just isn't in this. I guess it's selfish of me to think that I'll find a perfect job with things that are perfectly conditioned for me, especially in this economy, but I'd like to hope that there was more out there for me.
We'll see.
I'm going to try to be an adult and clean up and get some errands done before work. We'll see.
I went to the doctor again because the mysterious stomach pain returned, and then I got referred to a large hospital where I was poked, stabbed, and tested. They found something on the MRI, the doctor said that it could be a tumor or an ulcer. Then they did an endoscopy, without any pain killers (that was quite exciting, let me tell you :() and she found a few benign polyps, but nothing else. She said she didn't know what was causing the pain, and that it might be my large intestine swelling due to stress. So, while that's not very good, I'm supposed to try to not stress as much.
Mika was on vacation and stayed with me the whole time. Last week she cooked me dinner every night, it was really sweet of her. My bosses left for the school trip to Chicago, and I can't explain how much of a weight off it is to have them gone. Without being constantly watched, I've felt my stress levels plummet dramatically. I still don't feel confident or good at what I do, but I'm trying. I'm less afraid of 'being the boss' in the classroom, and I'm more in control of things. Not to the point where I think my employers want me to be, but I'm getting there.
I just had to switch my work schedules, so now I'm working Tuesday-Saturday. It wouldn't be that bad, but I have to wake up early. The good part is that I get out early, but two kindergarten classes back to back at 10 am is going to be pretty draining.
My bosses informed us, before they left, that they took on a job at a daycare center. They told us that they're going to have Megan do it, because, in simple terms, they didn't think I had the energy to teach those kids for half an hour. Which is another blow to whatever self-esteem that I have, but whatever. It also makes me feel that they aren't going to re-hire me in January, and that they will indeed find someone else. I guess I just need to keep my options open.
Increasingly, I've been feeling alternatively homesick and alternatively wanting to just do something else. I don't know, and it's hard to explain, but I guess I just know that I couldn't do this job for very long. I know that. But I wish I knew what it was that I wanted to do. My heart just isn't in this. I guess it's selfish of me to think that I'll find a perfect job with things that are perfectly conditioned for me, especially in this economy, but I'd like to hope that there was more out there for me.
We'll see.
I'm going to try to be an adult and clean up and get some errands done before work. We'll see.