Fanciful Desires [3/5]
Written for sherlockkink meme.
Title: Fanciful Desires [2/5]
Author: pendulumsigh
Pairing: Holmes/Watson
Rating: PG.13 - M
Prompt: Holmes loving Watson, but unable to risk his freedom for him. Watson tries to convince him that they can have an established relationship and that relationships are not always wrong... even if that means to risk your freedom. Bonus points! if this occurred before Watson married Mary . And +10000 bonus points! if these sentences are added at any particular time, they can be together, apart, or whatever!: "I can make you happy" and "Freedom has everything that I need, Watson."
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and make no profit.
It was a mistake. They both know it and yet neither make to amend it.
Watson because he believes it is still possible, that all is needed is time and things will be as he desires, and Holmes because he cannot bear to disappoint Watson anymore.
Watson has tried to assure Holmes that nothing has changed, but Holmes knows it has markedly.
Where dinner was an affair spent in contentment in the confines of their home, it is frequented at restaurants even Holmes struggles to say their prestigious names. The duration of the meal is spent in common talk with Holmes’ head throbbing from the sensory overload and Watson asking for the bill hours too early because of the discomfort he sees emitting from his friend - and not only in way of sensory information, but of social distress.
Cases are being denied because Holmes can feel Watson’s frown - though his back is turned - when he says yes too soon after a finished one. Investigations are something Watson deems a necessary of which he must be present at all times; regardless to the situation or danger, because Watson has come to understand that Holmes needs him.
Holmes has found it harder to decline evening strolls and incidentally has spent more time exercising as such than he has the past decades he has been alive (and he is losing weight for it much to Watson’s annoyance.)
Breakfast is now a ritual Watson enjoys spending together and lunches something Holmes is tired of being nagged about.
Boxing is becoming more of an unwelcomed informing lecture of the limitations of the human body than an enjoyable sport and pursuit of strength and cunning.
The bartering system no longer has its joys when Watson is now more than willing to give up his clothes.
In fact, the state of affairs becomes so dismal that Holmes is frequenting the pharmacy and tobacconists so often that he finds his drugs are already on the counter in a paper back when the bell chimes his arrival. Slowly, it gets to Watson, but he is not stupid enough to ever mention his worries to Holmes for he knows it is the only thing keeping Holmes to him.
For the cursed drug is Holmes’ only freedom. One that Watson can never penetrate and one that Holmes feels no attachment to but a dark abyss of nothingness that seems endless.
It is selfish, Watson knows, for him to allow affairs to continue as they do, but he cannot give Holmes up.
The world’s greatest consulting detective is the doctor’s personal drug.
So Watson can only try to make it easier for Holmes; accommodating to the detective as fittingly as he can.
He takes him to fancy restaurants with names Watson cannot pronounce and buys him dinner. Then he takes Holmes home hours too early because he senses the man’s distress and it is not something Watsons wishes upon him.
He hopes Holmes will decline cases because he knows the detectives limits are wearing as he ages, and he accompanies him as often as he can on investigations for the companionship, the help, and to share something more than just their living quarters.
There are nights that he asks Holmes to escort him on an evenings’ walk because he feels fresh air and exercise will do them both some good and it gives them a chance to share in normal activities of society.
Each morning, Watson tries to spend breakfast with Holmes. It is partially to make sure the detective gets a least one meal in a day, but more so because Watson does not know which morning will be the last he sees Holmes. There has been a steady incline of revenge letters.
He lectures each time Holmes even thinks of going to the PunchBowl because the man can be so incredibly dense sometimes that Watson does double takes.
Watson has even allowed Holmes free access to his wardrobe - no matter how it makes Watson twitch in agitation when he sees his clothes tossed and crumpled and strewn around the place.
None of these actions seem to help, and Watson does not realise they are only worsening their situation until he arrives home from his practise to find Holmes unconscious on the floor with a pool of his chalk white vomit spilling from his open mouth like trudged snow.