Fumbling Toward X-Mas Trees
Sat next to a ninth grader named Larry on the plane last night. He asked me if I like jerky and I said yes, so he gave me some. After I took the first bite he said “that just came off the dehydrator this morning. First four-point I shot this season”. It was very good, but it was still odd to have the genus and species of the animal in my mouth change while I chewed.
Larry lives in Lewisburg, TN with his mother and was on his way to Kingman, AZ to spend Christmas with his dad. “You probably heard of Lewisburg on the news a couple of months ago when those kids had that car wreck. You know where three of’em died. My cousin was the one driving. He’d just turned 16 and he was looking around for a CD on the floor.” He offered me a Butterfinger from a 12 pack in his bag and I declined, so I felt kind of obligated to accept a Reece’s peanut butter cup. I didn’t ask any questions. Probably just came off the dehydrator this morning. First Reece’s of the season.
Larry’s taking Latin from Coach Shockenzoober (I wish I knew how to spell that. Schawkinzubar? Chakanxewbor?) even though he hates it. That way he can go to College in Arkansas to be a criminologist. You know what that is? Like on CSI.
He spent the rest of the flight feeling sick and rushing back and forth to the bathroom. Hope it wasn’t the .
Dear Jerky,
Thanks ALOT for parking so close to my car.
Hope you like the "present" I left on your windshield.
Merry Christmas,
Santa
Advice people give to 14 year olds who are throwing up on airplanes:
Drink some Coke
Take Alka Seltzer
Drink some water
Take aspirin
Don’t close your eyes
Drink some ginger ale
Take Dramamine
Push your head into your headrest
He only followed about a third of the suggestions offered, and he was feeling much better by the time we landed.
Anyway, I really liked Larry.
I think I have a much easier time talking to ninth graders on airplanes than to real people.
According to the flight attendant, I have a twin who flew into Nashville yesterday. I guess I should be grateful that my twin was likeable enough that she would bring up seeing me earlier in the first place.
I had an hour and a half layover in Las Vegas.
Heightened security. If you see unusual activities or unattractive people, report it immediately using a white courtesy phone.
Figured I ought to toss a dollar in a slot machine while I was there. I picked a quarter slot with a high jackpot and took a bill out of my pocket. As I reached up to put it in, I noticed there was something written on the dollar. In large letters of blue ballpoint ink it said
Throw
In
Cherry
I’d gotten the bill as change at the pizza place in the Nashville airport. Of course I took it as a sign and looked around until I found a machine called “Black Cherry”. I threw in the dollar and bet one credit. It doubled my money.
But, when dealing with a prophetic bill, one must keep going. Four more pulls and it was all gone.
I guess the fates just really wanted me to have an extra dollar, but I blew it.
There is a door in the Vegas airport labled "Area of Safe Refuge".
Sounds nice.
I think next year I'll plan on spending Christmas there.
Made it to LAX by 9:55.
Eight hours after leaving home.
I could have driven to Chicago.
Now I’m at my Malibu Grandmother™’s house avoiding the church Christmas potluck. I did drop in for some coffee and brownies but then snuck out with my dad before they started singing “The Friendly Beasts”.
Larry lives in Lewisburg, TN with his mother and was on his way to Kingman, AZ to spend Christmas with his dad. “You probably heard of Lewisburg on the news a couple of months ago when those kids had that car wreck. You know where three of’em died. My cousin was the one driving. He’d just turned 16 and he was looking around for a CD on the floor.” He offered me a Butterfinger from a 12 pack in his bag and I declined, so I felt kind of obligated to accept a Reece’s peanut butter cup. I didn’t ask any questions. Probably just came off the dehydrator this morning. First Reece’s of the season.
Larry’s taking Latin from Coach Shockenzoober (I wish I knew how to spell that. Schawkinzubar? Chakanxewbor?) even though he hates it. That way he can go to College in Arkansas to be a criminologist. You know what that is? Like on CSI.
He spent the rest of the flight feeling sick and rushing back and forth to the bathroom. Hope it wasn’t the .
Dear Jerky,
Thanks ALOT for parking so close to my car.
Hope you like the "present" I left on your windshield.
Merry Christmas,
Santa
Advice people give to 14 year olds who are throwing up on airplanes:
Drink some Coke
Take Alka Seltzer
Drink some water
Take aspirin
Don’t close your eyes
Drink some ginger ale
Take Dramamine
Push your head into your headrest
He only followed about a third of the suggestions offered, and he was feeling much better by the time we landed.
Anyway, I really liked Larry.
I think I have a much easier time talking to ninth graders on airplanes than to real people.
According to the flight attendant, I have a twin who flew into Nashville yesterday. I guess I should be grateful that my twin was likeable enough that she would bring up seeing me earlier in the first place.
I had an hour and a half layover in Las Vegas.
Heightened security. If you see unusual activities or unattractive people, report it immediately using a white courtesy phone.
Figured I ought to toss a dollar in a slot machine while I was there. I picked a quarter slot with a high jackpot and took a bill out of my pocket. As I reached up to put it in, I noticed there was something written on the dollar. In large letters of blue ballpoint ink it said
Throw
In
Cherry
I’d gotten the bill as change at the pizza place in the Nashville airport. Of course I took it as a sign and looked around until I found a machine called “Black Cherry”. I threw in the dollar and bet one credit. It doubled my money.
But, when dealing with a prophetic bill, one must keep going. Four more pulls and it was all gone.
I guess the fates just really wanted me to have an extra dollar, but I blew it.
There is a door in the Vegas airport labled "Area of Safe Refuge".
Sounds nice.
I think next year I'll plan on spending Christmas there.
Made it to LAX by 9:55.
Eight hours after leaving home.
I could have driven to Chicago.
Now I’m at my Malibu Grandmother™’s house avoiding the church Christmas potluck. I did drop in for some coffee and brownies but then snuck out with my dad before they started singing “The Friendly Beasts”.