Fuck Off 2008! Thank Fuck 2009 Is Finally Here!
I'm late making my usual New Year post. Every year I like to look back over the previous year at the things that I have enjoyed, disliked, the things that have influenced and affected my life the most, and look at how I have changed and developed as a person throughout the previous year. I can honestly say that, although many good things came from the year, 2008 has been the most difficult year of my life. At the start of the year I said "2008 is going to be a very tough year for all my family," and it was! My family have been anticipating the New Year so that we can finally put all the hard times behind us and look forward to what will hopefully be a happy and eventful 2009.
So what made 2008 such a crappy year?
THE LOWS
Leaving University
I have mixed feelings about leaving university so you will find it in both sections. It's the end of one chapter in my life and I stepped out of the comfort zone. Many great friends have been left behind in uni for another year, and some people have drifted out of my life as we all set off in different directions in the journey of life. University was a fantastic experience, I made some fantastic friends, and I also became a teacher along the way. What will the next chapter of my life bring?
G.U.M. Adventures
Since splitting up with Daryl I've been to the G.U.M. clinic more time this year than Russel Brand has been in his entire life. It's not that I've been such a slut, because I haven't, it's just been a series of unfortunate events and Karma kicking me up the arse. I'm not going into detail about it, but if you're a reader of my journal then I'm sure you'll be familiar with the goings on. I can assure you that each time I've been I've been completely clear of any STIs and that I do practice safe sex outside of a relationship.
Moving Back to my Mum's
I had the best time of my life living away from home, being independent and doing my own thing without having to consult my mum in everything I do. Although I feel like me and my mum get on a LOT better now than we did before I moved out, I miss that independence so much.
Breaking up with Daryl
Although it was me who ended it, I've found my break up with Daryl so hard. I still love him and every day I miss him! I'm so glad we're still friends and still talk from time to time, and we still meet up with each other to go shopping or to go on a night out. 8 months is my longest ever relationship and I connected with him on a level that I've never connected with anyone before. At the time I felt breaking up was the best thing to do, there were a few factors which convinced me of this but now I wish I had just ignored them and done what I wanted to do. I was getting shit off a few friends because he was only 17, but I should have ignored that because all my closest friends were supportive and really liked Daryl a lot, I should have ignored everyone else! I was soon to move back to my mum's which would make seeing each other a lot more difficult, but I should've made the effort and I could've got off my arse to learn to drive. I felt that the relationship wasn't perfect, but now I realise that no relationship is ever perfect and that you've just got to work at them to make them work. I remember questioning whether I should follow my head or my heart. I followed my head when I should've followed my heart. If he wanted to, would I get back with him? Maybe, but not in the near future. I need to meet other people and try to move on, only then will I know if I truly love him or if it's just the comfort of a relationship that I'm missing.
Teaching Placement
I didn't write much about my final teaching placement in April/May. Partly because I was just too busy with planning, but also because I had such a difficult time. I hated it! The children were great and I loved being in the classroom teaching. The members of staff who I worked closely with were helpful and supportive. The problem came with a tutor from my university, but she also happened to be a governor of the school I was teaching in which meant there was no one I could go to to talk about it. Even the members of staff in the school were petrified of her, which meant I got no support from them. It would not be a stretch to call it bullying, and in fact I kept a diary of events that occurred and things that were said so that I could use it if I needed to (unfortunately I didn't use it because I didn't want anything to affect my degree, but I now wish I had). This particular member of staff went out of her way to make my placement difficult. I had never met her before my placement, but from the moment she first walked into my classroom I could see that she had some kind of vendetta against me. Maybe she was one of those old fashioned types that hate male teachers and think that the profession should be left to the women? She would interrupt as I was teaching and speak down to me and humiliate me IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN IN CLASS! She tried to get me thrown off the course because I refused to quit my job to focus on my planning. All my previous teaching placements I had received "outstanding" comments and top marks, but now I was faced with "cause for concern" and threatened to be removed from the course. She criticised one lesson, calling it "atrocious", on the lone fact that I did not show the children a video clip of a man parachuting before conducting a science lesson about them. She said that "Year 4 children probably don't know what a parachute is." What 8-9 year old children don't know what a parachute is? Ok, maybe I should have shown a video clip, but to call a lesson "atrocious" just for that reason is considered demeaning to me. She gave me extra work to do on top of the huge pile of planning I was already doing and would nit pick about every little thing I did. I loved teaching up until my final teaching placement, but now I hated it with a passion and I had her to thank for it. My teaching began to be affected because of my confidence and I was so close to quitting despite never quitting anything before in my life. I never cry at anything, I'm just not the type of person to show my emotions in such a way and I never let anyone upset me, but this woman succeeded in making a 22 year old man burst into tears. She was a nasty, nasty person, and since finishing my placement I have heard more stories about her. I wish I did report her for bullying, I could have saved future student's teaching careers, but at the time I was petrified of her and of being removed from the course.
Michael Causer's Death
On 25th July, a friend of mine was attacked for being gay. He required emergency surgery to his brain, but he died a week later on 2nd August. He was 18 years old. I wouldn't say Michael was one of my closest friends, but we hung out from time to time and spoke regularly on the internet. His older brother was in my class in school. It was such a shock to hear about his attack and death. As someone who has never received or witnessed any prejudice against my sexuality it really opened my eyes to the hate some people have for gay people.
His funeral was on 2nd October. It was a very sad service and hundreds of people attended (including my dad). Mikey will be missed!
Auntie Betty's Falls
My great Auntie Betty had a fall on 7th June and ended up in hospital with a broken hip. There was a lot of mistreatment occurring by the staff of St. Helens Hospital and my Auntie was not receiving the correct treatment. They refused to admit that her hip was broken and tried to make her walk on it, and would shout her down when she said it hurt telling her that she was lying. They also gave her medication that made her incredibly ill, it clearly stated on the medication "Not suitable for people suffering from diabetes" and my Auntie's medical record clearly stated that she was a diabetic. The staff were rude and careless in the ward and my Auntie had an awful time there. When the staff finally admitted that they were wrong about her hip she was transferred to Whiston Hospital, where luckily she was given much better treatment by the staff. On 27th June my Auntie Betty finally had the operation on her hip, 20 days after she had broke it. During the operation, however, my 86 year old Auntie had a heart attack and was transferred to the Coronary Care Unit in a critical condition. Thankfully my Auntie Betty pulled through, and was soon transferred to a Nursing Home where she received amazing care and rehabilitation. My Auntie Betty was transferred home after several weeks, and although she was not as mobile as she was previous, she was getting back on her feet and getting back to her normal self.
Then in October, my Auntie Betty had another fall breaking her wrist. She was nearly sent back to St. Helens hospital but she refused and was sent to Whiston Hospital and then back to the same Nursing Home for rehabilitation. Just as she was starting to get back on her feet this happened. This was all while my nan was back in hospital with cancer, so it was difficult having two people I care so much about in hospital at the same time.
My Auntie Betty is now back home, but she lives alone. She is slowly starting to get back on her feet, but she will never be as mobile as she used to be.
My Nan's Death
On 28th December 2007 my nan was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was such a shitty way to start 2008. At first we didn't know what treatment was available to my nan, and what her chances of a remission were. On 17th January we found out that her cancer was not curable. She went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy and this was tough for the entire family, but especially for my nan. She lost all her hair and went into a depression. We had no idea how my nan's body was responding to the treatment, we knew she would never get better but how much more time would she have?
After completing her treatment my nan began convincing herself that she was cured. The doctor had said no such thing but it's amazing how people hear what they want to hear in desperate times. She told her entire friends and family that she was cured and had received the all clear, and it was hard to go along with this. At times I felt guilty and felt that I was bare-faced lying, but we did not tell my nan that she still had cancer because her belief gave her a little bit of hope, peace and happiness for the remainder of her life. We didn't know how much time she had left, it could have been days or it could be years.
On 24th September my nan was admitted back into hospital after collapsing. This was one of the original signs of cancer that landed my nan in hospital in December, and now she had started collapsing again. The cancer was back and it was worse. We tried to convince my nan that she was ok, that it wasn't cancer, because the hope that thought gave her was probably the only thing keeping her alive. I never lie, never, but this was one lie that myself and the rest of the family felt was vital for my nan's happiness. We knew how depressed she became during the treatment, and how she had changed when she believed she was curred. Her hope was the only thing keeping her alive, so for the family this was the most vital medicine we could provide. However, the doctor felt differently and despite our best efforts he told my nan that she was dying. I do not agree that the doctor should have told my nan, he claimed it was her human right to know, but he doesn't know my nan like we know her and we knew that she would go back into her depression.
"I'm ready to die," my nan calmly told my mum soon after being told about her cancer. I don't think she was, I think she was petrified, but she said that to ease our pain. She didn't want us to be upset, and that's the kind of person she was, she always thought about others before herself and she stayed strong for us in her final days.
A few days later, 1st November at approximately 15:05, my nan passed away. My mum, my sister and I were with her as she passed. As much as I try, I can't remove the image of her final breath from my mind, but I am so glad I was there for her. She knew we were there, and what better way to die than with your family around you? It happened really quick and she did not suffer.
Her treatment made my nan so ill, and people may wonder if it was worth all the treatment for the sake of a few poor-quality months. It was worth every bit of it. My nan experienced so much in that time - she celebrated her Golden Wedding Anniversary; went on a couple of short holidays with family and friends; celebrated new baby members to the family; heard all about our Jack's first football team and scoring his first hat-trick; and she also got to share in celebrating my graduation.
Her funeral was on 12th November. It was such a lovely event. It was not a mourning of her passing but a celebration of her life. My nan was such a wonderful person, an inspiration to all, and I wouldn't be who I am today without her. I have everything to thank her for. I miss you so much, nan!
Me, aged 16, with my nan as I receive an award.
Well after all the depressives, now let's move onto some more positive stuff.
THE HIGHS
Leaving University
I have mixed feelings about leaving uni. It was a very enjoyable time of my life, and an experience I will never forget. But as one chapter of your life ends, another begins. It will be exciting to see where my life leads me to next...
Teaching
After my awful teaching placement I hated teaching. I didn't want to go into a profession that treated me like shit. I didn't apply for any teaching jobs because I knew I wasn't ready. I had lost my heart to teach. I needed to find my passion for it again.
In September I signed up for a few supply agencies and began getting a lot of work from them. I was working pretty much every day. It's been fantastic. It's great. I love teaching, I've found my passion for it again. It's a shame that one person could almost ruin that for me, I could have happily never stepped foot in a classroom again after my teaching placement. But I'm so glad I had the courage to do so, and I have made the first steps towards a teaching career that I am going to love.
LOST
What a fantastic season of LOST! WOW! 'Nuf said.
Hawaii
On 6th May I found out that I had won a Sky Perks competition. It was a trip to Hawaii. My trip isn't until early this year, but the excitement of this trip has been one of the only things keeping me going throughout 2008. The trip will be a fantastic start to the New Year after such a shitty 2008.
Manchester Pride 2008
I still haven't posted my stories from Manchester Pride. I went with Rachael and we had such a fantastic time! We're eagerly anticipating Pride 2009.
Liverpool Capital of Culture 08
What a great year for Liverpool. My highlight of Liverpool 08 was certainly La Machine:
(More La Machine videos here)
RELATIONSHIPS
Well I haven't got much to write about relationships this year. Daryl has been my one and only relationship. Since splitting up with him I haven't found any potential new boyfriends. I've been on one very bad date with a guy who was a typical scene-queen, and two very good dates with one guy but unfortunately he lives in Leeds so the likelihood of a relationship is very slim. I miss being in a relationship. I hate going through the whole looking and dating malarkey. Hopefully 2009 will bring me new hope for a new partner.
2009
So what am I looking forward to in 2009?
RESOLUTIONS
Here are my New Years resolutions for 2009:
Let's hope that after a very difficult 2008 I have an easy and enjoyable 2009.
So what made 2008 such a crappy year?
THE LOWS
Leaving University
I have mixed feelings about leaving university so you will find it in both sections. It's the end of one chapter in my life and I stepped out of the comfort zone. Many great friends have been left behind in uni for another year, and some people have drifted out of my life as we all set off in different directions in the journey of life. University was a fantastic experience, I made some fantastic friends, and I also became a teacher along the way. What will the next chapter of my life bring?
G.U.M. Adventures
Since splitting up with Daryl I've been to the G.U.M. clinic more time this year than Russel Brand has been in his entire life. It's not that I've been such a slut, because I haven't, it's just been a series of unfortunate events and Karma kicking me up the arse. I'm not going into detail about it, but if you're a reader of my journal then I'm sure you'll be familiar with the goings on. I can assure you that each time I've been I've been completely clear of any STIs and that I do practice safe sex outside of a relationship.
Moving Back to my Mum's
I had the best time of my life living away from home, being independent and doing my own thing without having to consult my mum in everything I do. Although I feel like me and my mum get on a LOT better now than we did before I moved out, I miss that independence so much.
Breaking up with Daryl
Although it was me who ended it, I've found my break up with Daryl so hard. I still love him and every day I miss him! I'm so glad we're still friends and still talk from time to time, and we still meet up with each other to go shopping or to go on a night out. 8 months is my longest ever relationship and I connected with him on a level that I've never connected with anyone before. At the time I felt breaking up was the best thing to do, there were a few factors which convinced me of this but now I wish I had just ignored them and done what I wanted to do. I was getting shit off a few friends because he was only 17, but I should have ignored that because all my closest friends were supportive and really liked Daryl a lot, I should have ignored everyone else! I was soon to move back to my mum's which would make seeing each other a lot more difficult, but I should've made the effort and I could've got off my arse to learn to drive. I felt that the relationship wasn't perfect, but now I realise that no relationship is ever perfect and that you've just got to work at them to make them work. I remember questioning whether I should follow my head or my heart. I followed my head when I should've followed my heart. If he wanted to, would I get back with him? Maybe, but not in the near future. I need to meet other people and try to move on, only then will I know if I truly love him or if it's just the comfort of a relationship that I'm missing.
Teaching Placement
I didn't write much about my final teaching placement in April/May. Partly because I was just too busy with planning, but also because I had such a difficult time. I hated it! The children were great and I loved being in the classroom teaching. The members of staff who I worked closely with were helpful and supportive. The problem came with a tutor from my university, but she also happened to be a governor of the school I was teaching in which meant there was no one I could go to to talk about it. Even the members of staff in the school were petrified of her, which meant I got no support from them. It would not be a stretch to call it bullying, and in fact I kept a diary of events that occurred and things that were said so that I could use it if I needed to (unfortunately I didn't use it because I didn't want anything to affect my degree, but I now wish I had). This particular member of staff went out of her way to make my placement difficult. I had never met her before my placement, but from the moment she first walked into my classroom I could see that she had some kind of vendetta against me. Maybe she was one of those old fashioned types that hate male teachers and think that the profession should be left to the women? She would interrupt as I was teaching and speak down to me and humiliate me IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN IN CLASS! She tried to get me thrown off the course because I refused to quit my job to focus on my planning. All my previous teaching placements I had received "outstanding" comments and top marks, but now I was faced with "cause for concern" and threatened to be removed from the course. She criticised one lesson, calling it "atrocious", on the lone fact that I did not show the children a video clip of a man parachuting before conducting a science lesson about them. She said that "Year 4 children probably don't know what a parachute is." What 8-9 year old children don't know what a parachute is? Ok, maybe I should have shown a video clip, but to call a lesson "atrocious" just for that reason is considered demeaning to me. She gave me extra work to do on top of the huge pile of planning I was already doing and would nit pick about every little thing I did. I loved teaching up until my final teaching placement, but now I hated it with a passion and I had her to thank for it. My teaching began to be affected because of my confidence and I was so close to quitting despite never quitting anything before in my life. I never cry at anything, I'm just not the type of person to show my emotions in such a way and I never let anyone upset me, but this woman succeeded in making a 22 year old man burst into tears. She was a nasty, nasty person, and since finishing my placement I have heard more stories about her. I wish I did report her for bullying, I could have saved future student's teaching careers, but at the time I was petrified of her and of being removed from the course.
Michael Causer's Death
On 25th July, a friend of mine was attacked for being gay. He required emergency surgery to his brain, but he died a week later on 2nd August. He was 18 years old. I wouldn't say Michael was one of my closest friends, but we hung out from time to time and spoke regularly on the internet. His older brother was in my class in school. It was such a shock to hear about his attack and death. As someone who has never received or witnessed any prejudice against my sexuality it really opened my eyes to the hate some people have for gay people.
His funeral was on 2nd October. It was a very sad service and hundreds of people attended (including my dad). Mikey will be missed!
Auntie Betty's Falls
My great Auntie Betty had a fall on 7th June and ended up in hospital with a broken hip. There was a lot of mistreatment occurring by the staff of St. Helens Hospital and my Auntie was not receiving the correct treatment. They refused to admit that her hip was broken and tried to make her walk on it, and would shout her down when she said it hurt telling her that she was lying. They also gave her medication that made her incredibly ill, it clearly stated on the medication "Not suitable for people suffering from diabetes" and my Auntie's medical record clearly stated that she was a diabetic. The staff were rude and careless in the ward and my Auntie had an awful time there. When the staff finally admitted that they were wrong about her hip she was transferred to Whiston Hospital, where luckily she was given much better treatment by the staff. On 27th June my Auntie Betty finally had the operation on her hip, 20 days after she had broke it. During the operation, however, my 86 year old Auntie had a heart attack and was transferred to the Coronary Care Unit in a critical condition. Thankfully my Auntie Betty pulled through, and was soon transferred to a Nursing Home where she received amazing care and rehabilitation. My Auntie Betty was transferred home after several weeks, and although she was not as mobile as she was previous, she was getting back on her feet and getting back to her normal self.
Then in October, my Auntie Betty had another fall breaking her wrist. She was nearly sent back to St. Helens hospital but she refused and was sent to Whiston Hospital and then back to the same Nursing Home for rehabilitation. Just as she was starting to get back on her feet this happened. This was all while my nan was back in hospital with cancer, so it was difficult having two people I care so much about in hospital at the same time.
My Auntie Betty is now back home, but she lives alone. She is slowly starting to get back on her feet, but she will never be as mobile as she used to be.
My Nan's Death
On 28th December 2007 my nan was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was such a shitty way to start 2008. At first we didn't know what treatment was available to my nan, and what her chances of a remission were. On 17th January we found out that her cancer was not curable. She went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy and this was tough for the entire family, but especially for my nan. She lost all her hair and went into a depression. We had no idea how my nan's body was responding to the treatment, we knew she would never get better but how much more time would she have?
After completing her treatment my nan began convincing herself that she was cured. The doctor had said no such thing but it's amazing how people hear what they want to hear in desperate times. She told her entire friends and family that she was cured and had received the all clear, and it was hard to go along with this. At times I felt guilty and felt that I was bare-faced lying, but we did not tell my nan that she still had cancer because her belief gave her a little bit of hope, peace and happiness for the remainder of her life. We didn't know how much time she had left, it could have been days or it could be years.
On 24th September my nan was admitted back into hospital after collapsing. This was one of the original signs of cancer that landed my nan in hospital in December, and now she had started collapsing again. The cancer was back and it was worse. We tried to convince my nan that she was ok, that it wasn't cancer, because the hope that thought gave her was probably the only thing keeping her alive. I never lie, never, but this was one lie that myself and the rest of the family felt was vital for my nan's happiness. We knew how depressed she became during the treatment, and how she had changed when she believed she was curred. Her hope was the only thing keeping her alive, so for the family this was the most vital medicine we could provide. However, the doctor felt differently and despite our best efforts he told my nan that she was dying. I do not agree that the doctor should have told my nan, he claimed it was her human right to know, but he doesn't know my nan like we know her and we knew that she would go back into her depression.
"I'm ready to die," my nan calmly told my mum soon after being told about her cancer. I don't think she was, I think she was petrified, but she said that to ease our pain. She didn't want us to be upset, and that's the kind of person she was, she always thought about others before herself and she stayed strong for us in her final days.
A few days later, 1st November at approximately 15:05, my nan passed away. My mum, my sister and I were with her as she passed. As much as I try, I can't remove the image of her final breath from my mind, but I am so glad I was there for her. She knew we were there, and what better way to die than with your family around you? It happened really quick and she did not suffer.
Her treatment made my nan so ill, and people may wonder if it was worth all the treatment for the sake of a few poor-quality months. It was worth every bit of it. My nan experienced so much in that time - she celebrated her Golden Wedding Anniversary; went on a couple of short holidays with family and friends; celebrated new baby members to the family; heard all about our Jack's first football team and scoring his first hat-trick; and she also got to share in celebrating my graduation.
Her funeral was on 12th November. It was such a lovely event. It was not a mourning of her passing but a celebration of her life. My nan was such a wonderful person, an inspiration to all, and I wouldn't be who I am today without her. I have everything to thank her for. I miss you so much, nan!
Me, aged 16, with my nan as I receive an award.
Well after all the depressives, now let's move onto some more positive stuff.
THE HIGHS
Leaving University
I have mixed feelings about leaving uni. It was a very enjoyable time of my life, and an experience I will never forget. But as one chapter of your life ends, another begins. It will be exciting to see where my life leads me to next...
Teaching
After my awful teaching placement I hated teaching. I didn't want to go into a profession that treated me like shit. I didn't apply for any teaching jobs because I knew I wasn't ready. I had lost my heart to teach. I needed to find my passion for it again.
In September I signed up for a few supply agencies and began getting a lot of work from them. I was working pretty much every day. It's been fantastic. It's great. I love teaching, I've found my passion for it again. It's a shame that one person could almost ruin that for me, I could have happily never stepped foot in a classroom again after my teaching placement. But I'm so glad I had the courage to do so, and I have made the first steps towards a teaching career that I am going to love.
LOST
What a fantastic season of LOST! WOW! 'Nuf said.
Hawaii
On 6th May I found out that I had won a Sky Perks competition. It was a trip to Hawaii. My trip isn't until early this year, but the excitement of this trip has been one of the only things keeping me going throughout 2008. The trip will be a fantastic start to the New Year after such a shitty 2008.
Manchester Pride 2008
I still haven't posted my stories from Manchester Pride. I went with Rachael and we had such a fantastic time! We're eagerly anticipating Pride 2009.
Liverpool Capital of Culture 08
What a great year for Liverpool. My highlight of Liverpool 08 was certainly La Machine:
(More La Machine videos here)
RELATIONSHIPS
Well I haven't got much to write about relationships this year. Daryl has been my one and only relationship. Since splitting up with him I haven't found any potential new boyfriends. I've been on one very bad date with a guy who was a typical scene-queen, and two very good dates with one guy but unfortunately he lives in Leeds so the likelihood of a relationship is very slim. I miss being in a relationship. I hate going through the whole looking and dating malarkey. Hopefully 2009 will bring me new hope for a new partner.
2009
So what am I looking forward to in 2009?
- Hawaii Trip
- Manchester Pride 2009
- Moving back out of my mum's
- On TV:
- LOST Season 5
- 24 Season 7
- Movies:
- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
- X-Men Origins: Wolverine
- Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
- Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
- Inglorious Basterds
- Fanboys (already seen this at Star Wars Celebration Europe in 2007, but it's had all sorts of changes since then it will probably be a completely different film)
- 2012
- Avatar
- Bruno
- Concerts:
- Girls Aloud
- Coldplay
- Pink
RESOLUTIONS
Here are my New Years resolutions for 2009:
- Get into shape for Hawaii.
- Learn to drive.
Let's hope that after a very difficult 2008 I have an easy and enjoyable 2009.