loooooong ass rantish type thingamabob
wow its been so long since ive written in here that the whole website is different.. and the last time i wrote in here i was still talking to Mike.. that was a long time ago.. it made me realize just how much has changed even in the past 6 months.. and it makes me wonder why i still let the little shit get me down when things that were so serious 6 months ago arent even a part of my life anymore.. the bad things in life get replaced by something better.. it may not be perfect but its better than the last, and there has to be some improvement and as long as im not traveling backwards down the road of life i should be ok..
i hate being sick, its retarded.. at night and most of the day i feel fine.. able to function, able to go out all that good stuff, but last night i ended up standing outside for long periods of time because leah and ross were "fighting" and i think it affected my cold cause well i dont feel amazing at all right now..
i need to talk to my mom about sending me money that she keeps forgetting to do.. because she wants to.. my dad tries to help me out but i hate asking him for anything more than he already gives me because he already does too much
i honestly think i need to start going back to church, i miss it, and i really need it in my life.. i was a lot happier without anything physical in my life as long as i went to church on Sunday and i need to get back to feeling that way.. that and i would like to spend more time with just me and kimie cause i don't feel like we get much of that anymore and i know both of us need it.. it may sound retarded but i feel like the two of us have this amazingly strong connection when we are together.. shes probably the only person in this world who gets me fully without even having to open my mouth to explain a thing..
so yeah because of that whole sick thing, i slept through my alarm.. and well into when im supossed to be leaving for my second class, so i missed a full day of school which isnt good, but i can read it and make it up here, and i should be fine.. and apparently i need to break down and fix the cartridge in my printer because now not only is it printing out pink but now its so light i cant read it..
i hate having a million things going on in my life and not being able to sit down and deal with them one at a time.. i honestly feel like i dont have enough time for me, and i wont allow myself time for myself..
i need to go to the gym more often. i need someone to go with me.. i figure in my fucked up little head that if i cant fix the inside and whats going on in my head right now then i can try and fix the outside, or anything that i can control.. which i think is why my hair not being perfect right now is really bothering me as much as it is..
and to top of my way too long rant.. i miss my mom.. i keep having dreams about her, and missing her phone calls and she misses mine and lately ive just really realized that she is 3000 miles away, i dont know when the next time ill see her is, and i feel like shes missing out on my life.. i know a million kids are away at college right now and dont see their parents but ive been away from my mom for 3 years now, and its not ending any time soon.. and it sucks.. i wish i got to see her when i wanted to or could just pop in or at least have lunch or something.. its the little things you take for granted with your parents and even your friends that i miss about her right now..
ok im ending this or ill write in it all day and wont get anything done.. thanks for the idea kimie i forgot that it helps to just get everything out even if no one reads it