heres to sad memories..
so a year ago today my grandpa passed away.. it makes me sad to think about, so really im trying not to.. i seriously was at the buffet the other day and had a bagel and some bacon and it made me cry.. my grandpa made that every sunday and it just brought out memeories ive been trying really hard to repress.. thinking about missing him right now doesnt hurt any less than it did when i first found out.. and i dont know if it ever will.. my grandpa means and meant the world to me.. he saw me in a way that not many people did, and always saw the good in me, never let me get away with acting stupid.. always pushed me to be better.. and taught me so many things.. he was always there to talk to me when i needed him, always was happy to see me and always cared.. he never didnt let a day go by without me knowing he loved me, and i hope he knew the same..i hate that hes gone, i hate that i wont get to see him again, i hate that he wont be there for the important moments of my life, i hate that my grandma is alone and thats shes still sad.. i hate that the family is torn apart but mostly i just hate that i dont get to talk to him anymore just know that hes there and that hes ok.. hes not there to sit at the dinner table.. to take my grandma to movies.. to read his car magazines, or even to smoke his nasty cigars.. i hate that it seems like there is nothing around anymore that keeps his memory alive.. i had it easy.. i moved away from the house and the situation and really just put dealing with it on hold, my grandma didnt get that chance.. i cant imagaine how bad she hurts inside when she thinks about it, and it hurts me thats shes hurting..i dont know i miss him so much and i know theres nothing i can do..i just wanted to at least say i love him, and that he was one of the most important people in my life and always will be and i will never forget about him ever in my life