update on the swiftly shrinking closet
I don't understand my family. I used to think that I could practically read my sister's mind. We grew up together, isolated from other people in a lot of ways, so we've been each other's best friend since forever. And anyone who pays any amount of attention to this journal knows that I'd cheerfully give up my right arm if I could come out to her without her having a total meltodown and keeping the kids from seeing me. I've always said that I could never give up my family.
Lately though, I don't know. I'm starting to feel like maybe that wouldn't happen. Maybe I could get away with a hard conversation and a little awkward aftermath. Though I never thought it would happen, never imagined it in a 100 years, Kristen and Tim are really changing. The amount of times that I'm being classified as "one of them" in their "jokes" gets larger every day. Yesterday Tim kept asking me why "All you gays manage to be so hilarious?" (Concluding a long conversation about the awesomeness of Neil Patrick Harris.) I don't know if I can explain this very well on here. But there was no heat, no aggression. I'm starting to think it's doable.
But now that I'm starting to consider a less dramatic outcome, I'm also having to consider the idea of coming out as being a real, fesiable thing. Something that would actually be within my reach. It took me months to find the trust it took to come out to my best friend, Diane, and with Kristen I stand to lose quite a bit more. It's almost like, How can I acutally do this thing that has always seemed so impossible? But at the exact same time it's like But, then how can I not?
Maybe it'll actually all come down to how long it takes me.
Lately though, I don't know. I'm starting to feel like maybe that wouldn't happen. Maybe I could get away with a hard conversation and a little awkward aftermath. Though I never thought it would happen, never imagined it in a 100 years, Kristen and Tim are really changing. The amount of times that I'm being classified as "one of them" in their "jokes" gets larger every day. Yesterday Tim kept asking me why "All you gays manage to be so hilarious?" (Concluding a long conversation about the awesomeness of Neil Patrick Harris.) I don't know if I can explain this very well on here. But there was no heat, no aggression. I'm starting to think it's doable.
But now that I'm starting to consider a less dramatic outcome, I'm also having to consider the idea of coming out as being a real, fesiable thing. Something that would actually be within my reach. It took me months to find the trust it took to come out to my best friend, Diane, and with Kristen I stand to lose quite a bit more. It's almost like, How can I acutally do this thing that has always seemed so impossible? But at the exact same time it's like But, then how can I not?
Maybe it'll actually all come down to how long it takes me.