Dead Lucky

[pen_strokes]

Title: Dead Lucky
Fandom: Original
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: gambling
Summary: The thing about winning is that eventually, you lose.
Notes: Written for the May week 3 challenge at brigits_flame, theme “nothing to lose.” Early post is early because I’ll be at Anime Boston all weekend--this is being posted from the Iron Cosplay line! :)

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Comments

[desert_rose]

Hi there, I'm one of your editors for this entry.

This is a fantastic piece, in lots of ways! Your take on the topic is a good one, and I was captivated from start to finish. It flows beautifully, and is formatted really well, which makes it easy to read.

The title sums up this piece so well.

My editing suggestions:

1. It wasn’t at all odd, (try inserting for in here, as it seems like it would improve the flow of this sentence, and fill in a gap where a word seems to be missing) back in those times-the air was hot and dry, static electricity crackling over everything, and Little Timmy was the third boy in his
class to get struck.
2. When he was thirty-six years old years old, years old has been repeated.
3. "Where the hell does she think you’re going?” To clarify who 'she' is, try replacing she with your mother.
4. She whirled around to face him, face red with anger. To avoid using face twice in the one sentence, try replacing the first instance of face with confront, or a similar word.

He was thinking about Annie’s smile and Sarah’s laugh when Bobby pulled the trigger. This is a very sad line, but a good way to end this piece.

Very well done! Good luck this week!

[kuhori_rei]

I'm glad you liked this entry! :) I, for one, hated it. -_-;; Can't win them all, right? :P

Thanks for a great edit, though! :)