Star Trek TOS Season 2, Part 2
You know, Kirk wears that green wrap uniform a LOT more than I thought he did. I like it--I just don't know how the yellow command shirt ever became the standard considering in S2 he barely wears it. Onto the half-assed, irreverent reviews!
S2E9: Metamorphosis
Rating: 4/10
Notes: What *is* it with Kirk monologing about humans needing to suffer and struggle in order to live purposeful lives? “Oh, here’s this perfect planet where everything is provided for someone…let’s fuck it up because STARFLEET.”
Sparkle alien is a girl who falls in love with Zephrame Cochrane, makes him forever young, then gets him some human people to play with so he’s not lonely. When he finds out she’s a girl in love with him, he’s like “ewww, gross, alien love”. But then she inhabits a human woman body and everything is cool. They decide to age and die together alone on the planet.
S2E10: Journey to Babel
Rating: 7/10
Notes: Spock has daddy issues. It’s only logical. Vulcans are also reeeeal weird with their (female) spouses. And for all Spock’s issues as a kid…how did his dad not get shit on more for marrying a human? Like-she’s fine and fully accepted, but their SON, my GOD.
Spock’s dad is dying. First he can’t save him. Then he’s not going to save him. But then he is going to. But then he has to take command of the ship so he’s not going to again. It’s all very touch and go there, but will you love me now, father? (No, probably not.)
S2E11: Friday’s Child
Rating: 3/10
Notes: Kirk, Spock and McCoy beam down to planet ponytail to meet with a tribal culture that looks like the riders of rohan. This episode is very stupid and McCoy sure touches a lady a lot after she explicitly states her boundary not to be touched. It’s okay, after she slaps him twice for touching her pregnant belly, he SLAPS HER BACK she comes around. Lolz “gotta put that trick in the medical bag.” Oh 60s.
S2E12: The Deadly Years
Rating: 5/10
Notes: When you’re old you’re grumpy and stubborn. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Chekov and some female officer all beam down to a planet where everyone is dying of old. They catch the old. They KNOW they catch the old, and yet Kirk is an ass about everyone being like “hey, you’re old”. They waste a lot of time doing a competency hearing when dementia Kirk keeps asking things again and again and…even though he’s seen all evidence of the old in himself and everyone else…is like “Nah, I’m just as sharp as ever…what did I just say again?”
They torture Chekov with physicals because he didn’t get the old…by being scared. In the end we cure the old. Except the female officer died. But not before having several tantrums about aging. Because women.
S2E13: Obsession
Rating: 4/10
Notes: Vampire clouds kill some redshirts on a planet. The Enterprise has to go pick up a vaccine with a short shelf life from one place and take it to a colony where everyone will die if they don’t get it. BUT vampire clouds killed Kirk’s crew 11 years ago, so he wants to stay and hunt it.
Here’s an idea-go do the vaxx thing and then come back? Did no one think of this? It would solve a lot of problems, people.
S2E14: Wolf in the Fold
Rating: 9/10
Notes: On horny love planet brothel, Kirk plays pimp for Scotty because he was in an engine explosion accident weeks ago and it was CAUSED BY A WOMAN SO THEY THINK A HOOKUP WILL CURE LINGERING RESENTMENT OMG MY JAW DROPPED. Do you know many engine explosion accidents are caused by men on the daily in Star Trek and no one is like “we have to hook up the chief engineer with a buddy-dude so he’ll stop resenting men”? A lot.
I mean, this was one of my favorite episodes as a kid-and I still like it-but holy CRAP that premise is astounding. It’s there to set up that Scotty just MIGHT be a killer of women (he’s accused of it and doesn’t remember), as if we’d ever believe it. You know who is a killer of women? Piglet. The voice of. From Winnie the Pooh. Yes, it’s jarring. He feeds off terror, fear and killing. He was Jack the Ripper. He kills women because they’re easier to terrify.
They kill the dude, then the spirit of jack the ripper gets into the computer and threatens everyone. They give the crew happy-making sedatives so he can’t feed off their terror. This is hilarious. Eventually he goes back into Piglet’s body and they STRAIGHT UP TRANSPORTER MURDER HIM. Entity? Entity in a human body? Whatever. Don’t think about it.
S2E15: The Trouble with Tribbles
Rating: 10/10
Notes: No notes! Just kidding. This is one of my childhood favorites, so it’s hard to judge it objectively. It’s not the first ep where the “Chekov thinks everything was Invented by the Russians” gag is used, but it’s certainly the one that Beats. It. To. Death. Kirk is absolutely a dick to a bureaucrat for no reason (because Kirk doesn’t understand the importance of a grain that will cure famine and is resentful it’s a priority mission to guard the grain). There are Klingon infiltrators, fist fights, grifters, sight gags, The whole ep is a kind of a romp. But Kirk really is a dick.
S2E16: The Gamesters of Triskilion
Rating: 6/10
Notes: Disembodied brains are too smart to amuse themselves so they make Kirk and crew fight as “thralls”. They each have a thrall to train them. Uhura’s tries to rape her. Funny, the other thralls don’t do that to the boys. Kirk works his seduction-as-insurance technique on another thrall. It pays off. Kirk gambles on being able to win at hand-to-hand combat. It pays off. Part of Star Trek is demonstrating just how poorly humans react to being caged or enslaved in any way whatsoever (including being enslaved by happiness), but these guys really have no chill whatsoever.
S2E17: A Piece of the Action
Rating: 8/10
Notes: Star Trek…but make it a proto-holodeck episode! One of the first-but not the last-“a book gets left behind and the immature society bases its entire structure on the book” episodes. In this case it’s a 1990s book on the history of Chicago mobs. Consequently we get to see Kirk chew every last bit of scenery all too eagerly jumping into the gangster lingo of the 1920s/30s. Spock, like many a viewer, can only regard this with an arched eyebrow of benevolent amusement. Kirk is gonna Kirk, after all.
S2E18: The Immunity Syndrome
Rating: 5/10
Notes: I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were then silenced…
Only replace millions with 400. Make them Vulcans. Heeeey, did you know that Vulcans have the force? Apparently they originated the concept!
This is one of the dumber episodes, made worthwhile by raising the life-or-death stakes for everyone. Basically, the enterprise and crew are all being drained of energy by a big cell in space. EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE. But then they don’t because we all remember our cellular biology and we can look ahead to the scripts of other Star Trek eps and know that if a thing is feeding on your energy…you need to sour the milk. Crisis averted, but not before Kirk and Spock give each other glowing commendations. Bromance!
S2E9: Metamorphosis
Rating: 4/10
Notes: What *is* it with Kirk monologing about humans needing to suffer and struggle in order to live purposeful lives? “Oh, here’s this perfect planet where everything is provided for someone…let’s fuck it up because STARFLEET.”
Sparkle alien is a girl who falls in love with Zephrame Cochrane, makes him forever young, then gets him some human people to play with so he’s not lonely. When he finds out she’s a girl in love with him, he’s like “ewww, gross, alien love”. But then she inhabits a human woman body and everything is cool. They decide to age and die together alone on the planet.
S2E10: Journey to Babel
Rating: 7/10
Notes: Spock has daddy issues. It’s only logical. Vulcans are also reeeeal weird with their (female) spouses. And for all Spock’s issues as a kid…how did his dad not get shit on more for marrying a human? Like-she’s fine and fully accepted, but their SON, my GOD.
Spock’s dad is dying. First he can’t save him. Then he’s not going to save him. But then he is going to. But then he has to take command of the ship so he’s not going to again. It’s all very touch and go there, but will you love me now, father? (No, probably not.)
S2E11: Friday’s Child
Rating: 3/10
Notes: Kirk, Spock and McCoy beam down to planet ponytail to meet with a tribal culture that looks like the riders of rohan. This episode is very stupid and McCoy sure touches a lady a lot after she explicitly states her boundary not to be touched. It’s okay, after she slaps him twice for touching her pregnant belly, he SLAPS HER BACK she comes around. Lolz “gotta put that trick in the medical bag.” Oh 60s.
S2E12: The Deadly Years
Rating: 5/10
Notes: When you’re old you’re grumpy and stubborn. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Chekov and some female officer all beam down to a planet where everyone is dying of old. They catch the old. They KNOW they catch the old, and yet Kirk is an ass about everyone being like “hey, you’re old”. They waste a lot of time doing a competency hearing when dementia Kirk keeps asking things again and again and…even though he’s seen all evidence of the old in himself and everyone else…is like “Nah, I’m just as sharp as ever…what did I just say again?”
They torture Chekov with physicals because he didn’t get the old…by being scared. In the end we cure the old. Except the female officer died. But not before having several tantrums about aging. Because women.
S2E13: Obsession
Rating: 4/10
Notes: Vampire clouds kill some redshirts on a planet. The Enterprise has to go pick up a vaccine with a short shelf life from one place and take it to a colony where everyone will die if they don’t get it. BUT vampire clouds killed Kirk’s crew 11 years ago, so he wants to stay and hunt it.
Here’s an idea-go do the vaxx thing and then come back? Did no one think of this? It would solve a lot of problems, people.
S2E14: Wolf in the Fold
Rating: 9/10
Notes: On horny love planet brothel, Kirk plays pimp for Scotty because he was in an engine explosion accident weeks ago and it was CAUSED BY A WOMAN SO THEY THINK A HOOKUP WILL CURE LINGERING RESENTMENT OMG MY JAW DROPPED. Do you know many engine explosion accidents are caused by men on the daily in Star Trek and no one is like “we have to hook up the chief engineer with a buddy-dude so he’ll stop resenting men”? A lot.
I mean, this was one of my favorite episodes as a kid-and I still like it-but holy CRAP that premise is astounding. It’s there to set up that Scotty just MIGHT be a killer of women (he’s accused of it and doesn’t remember), as if we’d ever believe it. You know who is a killer of women? Piglet. The voice of. From Winnie the Pooh. Yes, it’s jarring. He feeds off terror, fear and killing. He was Jack the Ripper. He kills women because they’re easier to terrify.
They kill the dude, then the spirit of jack the ripper gets into the computer and threatens everyone. They give the crew happy-making sedatives so he can’t feed off their terror. This is hilarious. Eventually he goes back into Piglet’s body and they STRAIGHT UP TRANSPORTER MURDER HIM. Entity? Entity in a human body? Whatever. Don’t think about it.
S2E15: The Trouble with Tribbles
Rating: 10/10
Notes: No notes! Just kidding. This is one of my childhood favorites, so it’s hard to judge it objectively. It’s not the first ep where the “Chekov thinks everything was Invented by the Russians” gag is used, but it’s certainly the one that Beats. It. To. Death. Kirk is absolutely a dick to a bureaucrat for no reason (because Kirk doesn’t understand the importance of a grain that will cure famine and is resentful it’s a priority mission to guard the grain). There are Klingon infiltrators, fist fights, grifters, sight gags, The whole ep is a kind of a romp. But Kirk really is a dick.
S2E16: The Gamesters of Triskilion
Rating: 6/10
Notes: Disembodied brains are too smart to amuse themselves so they make Kirk and crew fight as “thralls”. They each have a thrall to train them. Uhura’s tries to rape her. Funny, the other thralls don’t do that to the boys. Kirk works his seduction-as-insurance technique on another thrall. It pays off. Kirk gambles on being able to win at hand-to-hand combat. It pays off. Part of Star Trek is demonstrating just how poorly humans react to being caged or enslaved in any way whatsoever (including being enslaved by happiness), but these guys really have no chill whatsoever.
S2E17: A Piece of the Action
Rating: 8/10
Notes: Star Trek…but make it a proto-holodeck episode! One of the first-but not the last-“a book gets left behind and the immature society bases its entire structure on the book” episodes. In this case it’s a 1990s book on the history of Chicago mobs. Consequently we get to see Kirk chew every last bit of scenery all too eagerly jumping into the gangster lingo of the 1920s/30s. Spock, like many a viewer, can only regard this with an arched eyebrow of benevolent amusement. Kirk is gonna Kirk, after all.
S2E18: The Immunity Syndrome
Rating: 5/10
Notes: I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were then silenced…
Only replace millions with 400. Make them Vulcans. Heeeey, did you know that Vulcans have the force? Apparently they originated the concept!
This is one of the dumber episodes, made worthwhile by raising the life-or-death stakes for everyone. Basically, the enterprise and crew are all being drained of energy by a big cell in space. EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE. But then they don’t because we all remember our cellular biology and we can look ahead to the scripts of other Star Trek eps and know that if a thing is feeding on your energy…you need to sour the milk. Crisis averted, but not before Kirk and Spock give each other glowing commendations. Bromance!