Dec 12, 2009 23:07
Precontemplation - In denial
Contemplation - recognizing you have a problem
Preperation- preparing yourself for change
Action- Starting the changes
Maintenance - preventing relapse
Termination- recovery
I guess I'm still in Contemplation. Food Addict. Unhealthy. Sedentary.
I want to free write a self-loathing paragraph to sort out my angry feelings but that wouldn't get me anywhere and part of what I'm contemplating is how unhealthy my ATTITUDE is about myself.
An aside... Life is continuously moving around and around the hamster wheel. I feel like a rat in a maze and the cheese at the end of the maze is trying to kill me. For whatever reason, I only feel validated when I get the cheese.
Cheese is very delicious. When I was a child I would always think how lucky the mice in cartoons were to have big hunks of cheese.
I'm feeling lonely lately. Matt moved in last month. I told Steve about it so we haven't talked much. My brother will be out of jail next week. I feel guilty for not seeing my grandma in the nursing home more often. I said I'd visit for my birthday, November 4th, and I haven't been there yet... and it's almost Christmas. Yikes... I need to hold myself a little more accountable. Also - I've been buying a LOT of clothing. I sort of busted a fuck-it and decided to embrace my fatness and dress in clothing that wasn't still trying to contain a much larger sized woman. I was sick of muffin tops and camel toes. Since I've started dressing nicer the Mexican man that works on my processing like is like..."I don' know wha' id eez buh lisa lookeen hah lately." Kinda funny. :) Nice to see love for the big girls too.