Things....
So Matt is moving out after this weekend. I am pretty conflicted about that. Partly because I will definitely miss him, but also because he serves a much needed purpose in my life. He is kind of a protective influence and helps cultivate a quite "plastic bubble" type of feeling for me. I know it is in my best interest to live alone until I have a few things figured out and I'm sure I'll be happy once I get used to it.
There are some positives. For instance, I won't be exposed to Heath bars, Starbursts, KFC, and all the other unhealthy foods he leaves everywhere. I am at a weight-loss plateau and very unhappy about it. Also, I'll be able to have my friends over more easily. I had become friends with Steve's friends and I couldn't have him or anyone over because Matt lived here.
In retrospect, I don't really think anyone is that great of a friend if they won't see me because I live with someone they don't know. I can understand Steve not wanting to come over but most of my other friends are not very supportive. I can understand Bro's before Ho's as well.
I guess I just really want this to help me become a healthier person, less needy, less conflicted. I haven't figured out the role I want for Matt and Steve to play in my life. At some point both of them, if they don't get what they want, will bail - I'm assuming.
Don't you think it is best for me to just be single, open to date, open to do whatever I want, rather than feel pushed into one relationship or the other? Clearly, if there is so much confusion, there are a lot of things that aren't working for me.
Ok. Honestly, I'm pretty pissed Matt is moving. I'm mad at myself for making him feel unwelcome, for telling him that I couldn't have my friends over because he was there, that is really fucking shitty. He has been a better friend to me than anyone in a long long time. I'm mad at not giving 100% to making things work between us. I'm mad that I can't get over Steve, try as I might.
There are some positives. For instance, I won't be exposed to Heath bars, Starbursts, KFC, and all the other unhealthy foods he leaves everywhere. I am at a weight-loss plateau and very unhappy about it. Also, I'll be able to have my friends over more easily. I had become friends with Steve's friends and I couldn't have him or anyone over because Matt lived here.
In retrospect, I don't really think anyone is that great of a friend if they won't see me because I live with someone they don't know. I can understand Steve not wanting to come over but most of my other friends are not very supportive. I can understand Bro's before Ho's as well.
I guess I just really want this to help me become a healthier person, less needy, less conflicted. I haven't figured out the role I want for Matt and Steve to play in my life. At some point both of them, if they don't get what they want, will bail - I'm assuming.
Don't you think it is best for me to just be single, open to date, open to do whatever I want, rather than feel pushed into one relationship or the other? Clearly, if there is so much confusion, there are a lot of things that aren't working for me.
Ok. Honestly, I'm pretty pissed Matt is moving. I'm mad at myself for making him feel unwelcome, for telling him that I couldn't have my friends over because he was there, that is really fucking shitty. He has been a better friend to me than anyone in a long long time. I'm mad at not giving 100% to making things work between us. I'm mad that I can't get over Steve, try as I might.