Fic: Fear, Family and Familiarity
Title: Fear, Family and Familiarity.
Author: pemz
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Beginning the end again. She’s not sure of anything right now apart from that she really, really hates to fly.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: This is the one-shot that kept on growing; written for the community challenge: Begin the End Again. Not beta’d...I should probably get me one of those! I made it to the end of this before I realised that my timing may be off, but lets just all pretend that time is wibbly-wobbly and it’ll all be fine (thanks!).
[I tried to use a random generator to find a title and it gave me: Daughter of Steven Spielberg. Amused me far too much.]
The seatbelt sign blinked on. The plane shook. Arizona gripped the arm rests tightly. A spot of turbulence, the pilot said; Jerry she thinks his name was. But she’s not sure of anything right now apart from that she really, really hates to fly.
It shook again, more violently this time and she had to force back the bile that was in her throat as her stomach rolled with the plane; they were going through some air currents, it was fine.
Until it wasn’t.
They began to tilt, Meredith began to stir, Cristina began to shout.
One of the engines was on fire.
Arizona’s knuckles were white, her breathing ragged. She was pretty sure she was about to have a panic attack.
She vaguely heard the pilot announce that indeed one of the engines had been damaged. Her stomach twisted, her heart with it; they were going to crash. She could feel it with every dip and roll of the plane. And it was terrifying.
An oxygen mask fell down in front of her face and, with trembling hands, she grabbed for it, pulling it over her head and breathing deeply, trying to calm her racing heart. With her head between her knees like the air hostesses and the flight safety card that nobody ever read always said, she kept breathing, focusing on not descending into panic.
All she could think about were Callie and Sofia; her life, her world, and how she probably wasn’t going to see them again. Was the universe playing some sick joke? Losing her brother, the car crash and almost losing both of the loves of her life, then Nick with his cancer, and now this. Then it hit her, she wouldn’t see Nick before he died, she wouldn’t get to hold her baby girl in her arms again, or make love to her wife.
Panic descended; her vision blurred with tears and her breathing wouldn’t even out. Everything was beyond her control, even her own body.
She wouldn’t kiss her baby girl goodnight again, run her fingers through Calliope’s hair, go to sleep beside her or wake up curled up with her; she wouldn’t get to apologise to Alex and wish him luck, or say goodbye to Nick, or help anymore tiny humans.
As the plane dipped and swerved again, this time at greater speed, it wasn’t her life that was flashing before her eyes but the future that she would be missing: Sofia’s first proper words, her first day at school, her first crush, first date, graduation, college, her wedding, her life. She’d miss Callie being a rockstar and finishing her cartilage research and using it to change orthopaedic medicine, she’d miss their anniversaries; 1 year, 10 years, 50 years. She’d miss growing old with Callie. She’d miss being a wife and a mother and a daughter.
Her chest felt tight, her breathing ragged as the gravity of just what she was going to miss hit her; it was heartbreaking. And all because of a stupid plane that she wasn’t even supposed to be on in the first place. Stupid Alex leaving her for stupid Hopkins - stupid defence mechanism for making her want to run away.
She tried to catch her breath and couldn’t. She shouldn’t even be on this plane and now she was going to die. Crap.
She was vaguely aware of a voice at her ear, trying to get her attention but she couldn’t comprehend it. The plane was crashing, they were going to die. The chances of them surviving a plane crash were almost nonexistent.
The voice was at her ear again, but it wasn't making any sense. She couldn't decipher the words through the fog of her fear. The plane shook below her once more, her chest tightened and then...
Black.
--
"Arizona, I need you to wake up for me." a soft voice broke through the haze. A hand on her shoulder grounding her, bringing her back around.
"Welcome back, Blondie." Mark said, with a sigh of relief as Arizona’s eyes fluttered open.
"What ha-" she began, her brow furrowing in confusion; they weren’t dead, or lying dying in the middle of nowhere, she was still strapped into her seat and everyone was looking at her with concern. The plane was still flying. They were fine; and it made no sense.
"Drink this." Lexie urged, handing her a plastic cup of water, helping her keep it steady in her shaking hands.
"The pilot stabilised us; modern planes are designed so that if an engine fails they can still fly. Everything has a back-up." Lexie explained. "We'll be landing in Boise in the next half hour."
"Oh thank God." Arizona breathed, holding back tears of sheer relief that threatened to fall. "I'm never flying again." she announced with a wry chuckle, her laugh wavering as a few stray tears escaped.
"You're not the only one." Mark added with a pat to her shoulder.
--
Staring down at Callie's smiling face on her phone screen, Arizona wanted nothing more than to press the call button. She wanted to talk to her wife, to hear her voice, to tell her what had happened; the engine failure, her panic attack, how scared she'd been at the thought of never seeing them again, how Lexie and Mark had calmed her down, brought her back around when she fainted, kept her talking through the rest of the flight and made sure she was the first off of the plane the second it's wheels hit the runway. However, she knew that if she heard her voice she would lose all of her perfectly compiled composure and be unable to operate; and those children needed her. She couldn't afford to break down, not right now.
And so she pressed the red button instead, took a deep breath, pocketing it before heading to the OR. She had to get through the next few hours for these little boys and then she could hit the green button instead.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. She tried to mentally psyche herself up.
She was a fantastic surgeon, the best Paediatric Surgeon on the West coast. She was a good man in a storm, a loving mother and wife, she was hardcore. She was tough, much tougher than her perky demeanour belayed. She could do this. She had to do this; she was born to do this.
She could compartmentalise with the best of them, push things to the back of her mind and focus on the surgery in front of her; she could channel all of her fear and anger into performing a flawless surgery. And that’s what she was about to do. She scrubbed in and took a second, rolling her shoulders before she entered the OR.
She met Lexie’s eyes across the surgery table as she took her place, taking a scalpel from the assistant.
“Ready?” Lexie asked.
“Ready.” Arizona confirmed.
“It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” Derek chipped in and calm descended on the room.
She made the first cut with a steady hand and a slow breath. This was their arena; they had this.
--
It was only when the ringing of her cell phone sounded that Callie awoke with a start, reaching for the offending item her brow furrowed in confusion; she was supposed to be licking flavoured body paint of her wife’s abs right about now, not being woken up by her phone to find herself alone.
Answering the phone without looking she greeted whoever was on the other end somewhat sleepily;
“Hello?”
“Callie...”
“Arizona?” She questioned, suddenly much more awake; “You’re supposed to be here, in bed, and covered in chocolate right about now.” She teased a sultry smirk that Arizona couldn’t see playing at her lips; “Where are you?” She pouted.
“Callie, can- Callie I-“ Arizona sounded tired, broken almost, and alarm bells started ringing. Had the twins not made it? Had something bad happened to Arizona? Or someone she loved? Her family? With these thoughts racing through her mind, Callie almost missed Arizona’s next words.
“Can you come and get me?” She asked, though her words were hard to hear; they were soft and it was clear to Callie that she was trying to keep herself composed.
Callie sat bolt upright, panic and the need to protect the woman she loved flaring in her chest; “Arizona, sweetie, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t get on the plane. I can’t do it. I just can’t Callie, I can’t do it I-” She replied, her voice getting softer the longer she tried to explain.
“I need you to calm down a second honey, take a few deep breaths for me.” She interrupted, and then waited until her request was followed. “That’s it,” she encouraged. “Now, what happened Arizona? Where are you?”
“Boise. I can’t get on the plane. I can’t do it. I just can’t.” She confided, her voice was getting rougher as she tried to remain in control of her emotions.
“Then you don’t have to. You don’t have to.” Callie reassured quickly. She knew her wife hated flying, with a passion, but she had never heard her this worked up before.
“Is somebody there with you? Can you put them on the phone?” She enquired, hoping that giving Arizona a minute to herself would calm her down and in turn she could ask whoever was there what the heck was going on.
She heard some muffled conversation as Arizona passed the phone over.
"Cal?" Mark's deep baritone replaced Arizona's.
"What happened?!" she demanded.
"One of the engines failed and we-" He began to explain.
"What?!" Callie interrupted, her heart plummeting; if an engine failed surely that meant...no, surely not...
"We're fine Cal," he reminded her gently. "The pilot stabilised us and we made it to Boise, but Arizona fainted, or passed out I'm not sure and we-“
"Don't make her get on that flight, she can't get on that flight." Callie almost demanded, partly for herself as well as for Arizona’s sake. There was an edge of panic in her voice that Mark immediately picked up on.
Taking a step away from Arizona and Lexie, who was trying to keep her calm, he spoke calmly; “She won’t. We won’t. Cal, I’ve already got Blondie panicking, you need to calm down. I’m not going to force her on a plane-“ He stopped mid sentence; maybe they could give her something to calm her down and get the next flight...
“Don’t even think about it.” Callie cut into his silence, knowing him too well, knowing doctors too well, to know where his mind had gone. “You are not drugging my wife.”
Raising a hand in surrender, even though she couldn’t see it, he turned back to Lexie and Arizona, unsure where to go from here.
“The chances of an engine failing again, on a completely different plane are almost non-existent.” Mark tried to reassure her. “We’ll could be on the plane and touching down in Seattle in a few hours; flying is safe, Cal. The safest way to travel, or something.”
“Your engine failed. It failed. Anything could have happened; I could have been waking up to a call about a plane crash, not this. No, she can’t get on that next plane. If she tries to she’ll break down, she won’t do it Mark. She shouldn’t have to. She’s terrified, I can hear it and you can see it. Please, just, please don’t leave her alone. I’ll, I’ll drive and I’ll be there tomorrow and we can-“
“Callie.” He cut in calmly, “You can’t bring Sofia on that long a journey by yourself.”
“I’ll find a sitter, Mark, whatever it takes because she can’t get on that plane, I can’t-“ Callie’s voice broke then and Mark realised just why she was being so adamant.
“Arizona is fine Callie. She’s alive and safe and she’s not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of her that easily.” He joked, trying to bring some levity to the situation. “The plane didn’t crash, we landed here safely and she’s alright.”
He heard Callie sigh on the other end and reiterated; “She’s safe.”
“I know.” She said, grabbing Arizona’s pillow and hugging it to her body. “I know. But she’s stubborn and terrified Mark, she won’t get on that plane no matter what you, or I, say to her. And, personally, I’m okay with that.”
“We’ll rent a car!” He exclaimed, spotting the airport rental service. “We’ll hire one, the three of us, and drive back, take it in shifts and be there by what? Like morning?”
Callie breathed a sigh of relief on the other end of the line; “Yes, please. Thank you, Mark. I just- she- thanks. I’ll see you guys later then. Hand me back to Arizona please?”
“Sure, Cal.”
The next voice she heard was her wife, noticeably calmer than before; “I- I feel like an idiot, but I was so scared Calliope. I thought we were going to- I thought I wasn’t going to- I just want to be home.” She finally said, not able to voice some of her fears right now, not when Callie wasn’t there in person to chase them away.
Callie’s heart went out to her and she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her, hold her tight and keep her safe.
“Mark said you guys’ll rent a car, drive back; the three of you can take shifts and you’ll be here before you know it.”
Arizona let out a breath, blowing her bangs from her forehead. “Yeah, home before we know it. I can’t wait. I love you, Calliope.”
“I love you, too. Drive safe and text me or call me whenever, keep me posted.”
“I will, promise.” She said as if in goodbye, but she couldn’t bring herself to hang up the phone.
“I don’t want to hang up.” Callie said, her voice a little ragged and Arizona swallowed hard to push back the tears dancing on her eyelashes.
“I don’t want to hang up either. I- I miss you and it’s only been a day.”
“One heck of a day though.”
“Yeah.” Arizona agreed with a sigh. “I feel like this is all some crazy dream and I’ll wake up and none of this will have happened. I mean, I know nothing did happen, but it feels like it did. I feel like I almost missed so much, almost left you alone and I-“
“You’re safe, sweetie, you’re alive and the plane didn’t crash and you’ll be here, with me - and Sof - in a matter of hours when Mark rents that car. And you didn’t miss anything; the body paint will keep and this lingerie is definitely up for another spin.” Callie teased, hoping to perk Arizona up a little before they began their drive back, not liking the idea of her driving back scared and distracted; they’d already been in one accident they didn’t need another.
Arizona laughed and Callie couldn’t help but smile at the sound.
“I was only going to be gone for one night and already there was body paint and lingerie?”
“Chocolate body paint.” Callie added and smiled at the slight huff on the other line.
“No fair, Calliope, now I have at least eight hours driving with that on my mind.” Arizona pouted, though grateful for the distraction.
Callie could hear the pout that was undoubtedly on her face and a laugh bubbled out.
“You’re more than welcome, honey. Now go on, go make sure Mark gets a decent car and come home to me. I’ll be waiting...”
“Love you.” Arizona responded, waiting for Callie to reciprocate before she hung up, clutching the phone to her chest. She was one lucky woman to be married to Calliope Torres; she always knew how to make her feel better.
--
They’d finally left Boise at around ten p.m. the previous night, leaving Meredith, Cristina and Derek to take the private flight themselves. Mark had rented them one of those fancy 4x4s that had every safety feature known to man built in. They’d taken turns driving; Mark first, then Arizona and Lexie was driving the last leg of their almost nine hour journey, including rest stops for toilet breaks and coffee. They played car games to start with, anything to keep Arizona’s mind from wandering; she was still shaken up and though not affected themselves, Mark and Lexie understood that she was going to need some more time.
When they’d exhausted car games - just shy of four hours into their journey - Arizona had been thankful to be driving as it meant she was kept occupied, focused on nothing but the road in front of her that was taking her to her family. And then they’d reached the next rest stop and panic had set in; she was shattered but she didn’t want to sleep, was afraid of what she would see if she did. She didn’t want to relive the plane crash that never was but had felt so real.
Her phone buzzed in her lap, she had another text from Callie.
Sofia say’s ‘Hi Mama’. We love you. Drive safe. X
The text was accompanied with a picture of a just wakened Sofia in her crib, her fuzzy giraffe toy clutched in one small hand. Arizona couldn’t help but smile as she typed back a reply to the spookily well-timed text message. Sometimes she’d swear Callie could read her mind.
Love you guys, too. Try get some sleep, Calliope, we’re in Washington. Be home soon. X
We’re keeping each other company, we’re fine. How long until you get here? X
According to the SatNav about 2.5 hours. Can’t wait. X
Feels like forever. We’ll heat your side of the bed up for you. Love you. X
Love you too. See you guys soon. X
Sliding the lock on her phone, Arizona looked out the window at the Washington skyline as the sun began to rise; four a.m. and she was watching the sun rise after driving through the night all because she freaked out and fainted on a plane. She’d never felt so happy and yet stupid at the same time; happy to see something so beautiful and yet stupid for being the reason they were on the road at the same time, but she was grateful for friends like Mark and Lexie for doing this for her.
“I didn’t want to get on the plane either.” Lexie volunteered into the silence that had descended on the car since Mark fell asleep.
Turning in her seat, Arizona looked at her quizzically; “Really?”
“I was as scared as you were the second we started shaking. I mean I’ve read everything there is to know about planes, I know what’s likely and what’s not, what’s safe and what isn’t, but that didn’t stop me being scared. It didn’t stop any of us from being scared. The only people who mean much of anything to me anymore were on that plane with me, scared right alongside me, but you? Your world was waiting for you back in Seattle, it’s no wonder you were terrified.” Lexie kept her eyes on the road, focusing ahead and not on the ragged breathing from the passenger seat. She only hoped that her next words could be somewhat of a comfort to Arizona; “But you’re safe and nothing bad happened. We made it there safely, those little boys will live full, individual lives now because of us and home is only...two hours away.” She added, checking the SatNav.
“Thanks Lexie.” Arizona said after a moment of silence. “You do one heck of a pep talk. You’ll make a great Chief Resident one day.”
--
Arizona had never been glad to see a sign before in her life, but when they’d reached hour 8.5 of their journey and “Welcome to Seattle” greeted them her heart ballooned. She was almost home.
“Meredith, Derek and Cristina are back safe.” Mark grunted from the back seat, flicking through his phone with one eye open. “They were delayed by some flight plan thing but they’re back.”
Arizona breathed an unconscious sigh of relief at his words; they hadn’t been tempting fate getting on a plane after all. She knew they hadn’t actually crashed, that the plane had been stabilised quickly and safely but she couldn’t help her mind from feeling like they almost had. The brain was a fickle thing sometimes.
“I can keep the car and return it later if you guys want?” Lexie offered, turning on to Mark and Arizona’s road.
“Thanks, for everything.” Arizona said sincerely as she grabbed her bag, ready to jump out of the car the second it stopped.
--
Arizona smiled at the slightly open bedroom door and when she opened the door fully the smile that graced her lips was definitely a supermagic smile.
Callie had dozed off on her side of the bed, with Sofia sleeping soundly on her chest, her little fist grabbing the strap of Callie’s tank top as she nuzzled into her mommy while she slept. It was the cutest and most heart warming thing Arizona thought she’d ever seen. Her family was adorable.
While she drank in the sight of them, Callie began to stir, smiling up at her sleepily; “Hey.” She said as she moved carefully towards the centre of the bed. “C’mere.” She requested, holding the covers up slightly.
Immediately, Arizona was dumping her coat on the floor and stepping out of her jeans, climbing into bed in her shirt and panties, not wanting to waste another second.
“I think that’s the quickest I’ve ever seen you undress.” Callie teased as Arizona slid in next to her.
She curled her arm around her neck, bringing her in for a kiss. “Missed you.”
“I missed you, too. Both of you.” Arizona replied, one hand gently rubbing Sofia’s back as the other kept Callie’s face inches from hers, their eyes still locked. It was as if Arizona was trying to memorise her, trying to take in every detail and make sure it was all real.
When Arizona’s eyes slid closed and her breathing hitched Callie placed a kiss on her forehead before she spoke, her own eyes clouding with tears.
“You’re safe and you’re here. We’re here and like I said; neither of us is going anywhere. You’re safe.”
Arizona buried her head in Callie’s neck, hiding her tears and breathing in the smell and feel of her wife; the plane hadn’t crashed, they hadn’t died or been hurt and she was here, with her wife and her baby girl. She was home and she was safe.
She wasn’t going to miss all those milestones and little moments that had flashed before her eyes; she was going to live them and she had never been happier than she was right then.
“I love you.” She whispered against Callie’s pulse point while her legs tangled with her wife’s; she wanted to be as close as possible to her girls.
“I love you too.” Callie replied, kissing the crown of her head softly. “You must be exhausted, try to get some sleep.”
“We’ll be right here when you wake up.” Callie gently reminded her when Arizona began to protest.
“I don’t want to close my eyes and dream about what I thought happened; I was so sure, it felt so real...” She admitted in a whisper against Callie’s neck.
“How about I tell you about my day?” Callie suggested, knowing that previously - when Arizona had woken from nightmares of tiny coffins - she had drifted off into a peaceful sleep when Callie had kept her mind distracted with stories of her day right up until she had nodded off.
“I’d like that.”
“Sofia was a little fussy when she woke up, wanted her Mama, but we rallied and we were off to day care and then I was straight in to my first surgery; after telling Bailey I had body paint and lingerie waiting for you when you got home.”
Arizona chuckled at that even as her eyes grew heavier and she could feel herself finally relaxing after what felt like far too long.
“Which, by the way, we can save for tomorrow night when Mark has our little angel. But, back to the story...”
It wasn’t much further into her retelling of her day that Arizona dropped off into sleep and Callie could finally breathe a sigh of relief. She’d been so worried hearing Arizona so scared on the phone and that coupled with the fact that one of the engines had actually failed meant she had spent the past nine hours, as she waited on them returning, freaking out. She could have lost Arizona today and the thought of that was terrifying. She didn’t know how she’d have coped if the phone call that had woken her hadn’t been Arizona, but someone with bad news instead. She was so grateful that it hadn’t been the case.
Her wife was home safe, and if she had it her way she’d never be getting on a plane again. Not unless it was her dad’s private jet...after it had been thoroughly safety checked. She wasn’t taking any chances.
Author: pemz
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Beginning the end again. She’s not sure of anything right now apart from that she really, really hates to fly.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: This is the one-shot that kept on growing; written for the community challenge: Begin the End Again. Not beta’d...I should probably get me one of those! I made it to the end of this before I realised that my timing may be off, but lets just all pretend that time is wibbly-wobbly and it’ll all be fine (thanks!).
[I tried to use a random generator to find a title and it gave me: Daughter of Steven Spielberg. Amused me far too much.]
The seatbelt sign blinked on. The plane shook. Arizona gripped the arm rests tightly. A spot of turbulence, the pilot said; Jerry she thinks his name was. But she’s not sure of anything right now apart from that she really, really hates to fly.
It shook again, more violently this time and she had to force back the bile that was in her throat as her stomach rolled with the plane; they were going through some air currents, it was fine.
Until it wasn’t.
They began to tilt, Meredith began to stir, Cristina began to shout.
One of the engines was on fire.
Arizona’s knuckles were white, her breathing ragged. She was pretty sure she was about to have a panic attack.
She vaguely heard the pilot announce that indeed one of the engines had been damaged. Her stomach twisted, her heart with it; they were going to crash. She could feel it with every dip and roll of the plane. And it was terrifying.
An oxygen mask fell down in front of her face and, with trembling hands, she grabbed for it, pulling it over her head and breathing deeply, trying to calm her racing heart. With her head between her knees like the air hostesses and the flight safety card that nobody ever read always said, she kept breathing, focusing on not descending into panic.
All she could think about were Callie and Sofia; her life, her world, and how she probably wasn’t going to see them again. Was the universe playing some sick joke? Losing her brother, the car crash and almost losing both of the loves of her life, then Nick with his cancer, and now this. Then it hit her, she wouldn’t see Nick before he died, she wouldn’t get to hold her baby girl in her arms again, or make love to her wife.
Panic descended; her vision blurred with tears and her breathing wouldn’t even out. Everything was beyond her control, even her own body.
She wouldn’t kiss her baby girl goodnight again, run her fingers through Calliope’s hair, go to sleep beside her or wake up curled up with her; she wouldn’t get to apologise to Alex and wish him luck, or say goodbye to Nick, or help anymore tiny humans.
As the plane dipped and swerved again, this time at greater speed, it wasn’t her life that was flashing before her eyes but the future that she would be missing: Sofia’s first proper words, her first day at school, her first crush, first date, graduation, college, her wedding, her life. She’d miss Callie being a rockstar and finishing her cartilage research and using it to change orthopaedic medicine, she’d miss their anniversaries; 1 year, 10 years, 50 years. She’d miss growing old with Callie. She’d miss being a wife and a mother and a daughter.
Her chest felt tight, her breathing ragged as the gravity of just what she was going to miss hit her; it was heartbreaking. And all because of a stupid plane that she wasn’t even supposed to be on in the first place. Stupid Alex leaving her for stupid Hopkins - stupid defence mechanism for making her want to run away.
She tried to catch her breath and couldn’t. She shouldn’t even be on this plane and now she was going to die. Crap.
She was vaguely aware of a voice at her ear, trying to get her attention but she couldn’t comprehend it. The plane was crashing, they were going to die. The chances of them surviving a plane crash were almost nonexistent.
The voice was at her ear again, but it wasn't making any sense. She couldn't decipher the words through the fog of her fear. The plane shook below her once more, her chest tightened and then...
Black.
--
"Arizona, I need you to wake up for me." a soft voice broke through the haze. A hand on her shoulder grounding her, bringing her back around.
"Welcome back, Blondie." Mark said, with a sigh of relief as Arizona’s eyes fluttered open.
"What ha-" she began, her brow furrowing in confusion; they weren’t dead, or lying dying in the middle of nowhere, she was still strapped into her seat and everyone was looking at her with concern. The plane was still flying. They were fine; and it made no sense.
"Drink this." Lexie urged, handing her a plastic cup of water, helping her keep it steady in her shaking hands.
"The pilot stabilised us; modern planes are designed so that if an engine fails they can still fly. Everything has a back-up." Lexie explained. "We'll be landing in Boise in the next half hour."
"Oh thank God." Arizona breathed, holding back tears of sheer relief that threatened to fall. "I'm never flying again." she announced with a wry chuckle, her laugh wavering as a few stray tears escaped.
"You're not the only one." Mark added with a pat to her shoulder.
--
Staring down at Callie's smiling face on her phone screen, Arizona wanted nothing more than to press the call button. She wanted to talk to her wife, to hear her voice, to tell her what had happened; the engine failure, her panic attack, how scared she'd been at the thought of never seeing them again, how Lexie and Mark had calmed her down, brought her back around when she fainted, kept her talking through the rest of the flight and made sure she was the first off of the plane the second it's wheels hit the runway. However, she knew that if she heard her voice she would lose all of her perfectly compiled composure and be unable to operate; and those children needed her. She couldn't afford to break down, not right now.
And so she pressed the red button instead, took a deep breath, pocketing it before heading to the OR. She had to get through the next few hours for these little boys and then she could hit the green button instead.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. She tried to mentally psyche herself up.
She was a fantastic surgeon, the best Paediatric Surgeon on the West coast. She was a good man in a storm, a loving mother and wife, she was hardcore. She was tough, much tougher than her perky demeanour belayed. She could do this. She had to do this; she was born to do this.
She could compartmentalise with the best of them, push things to the back of her mind and focus on the surgery in front of her; she could channel all of her fear and anger into performing a flawless surgery. And that’s what she was about to do. She scrubbed in and took a second, rolling her shoulders before she entered the OR.
She met Lexie’s eyes across the surgery table as she took her place, taking a scalpel from the assistant.
“Ready?” Lexie asked.
“Ready.” Arizona confirmed.
“It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” Derek chipped in and calm descended on the room.
She made the first cut with a steady hand and a slow breath. This was their arena; they had this.
--
It was only when the ringing of her cell phone sounded that Callie awoke with a start, reaching for the offending item her brow furrowed in confusion; she was supposed to be licking flavoured body paint of her wife’s abs right about now, not being woken up by her phone to find herself alone.
Answering the phone without looking she greeted whoever was on the other end somewhat sleepily;
“Hello?”
“Callie...”
“Arizona?” She questioned, suddenly much more awake; “You’re supposed to be here, in bed, and covered in chocolate right about now.” She teased a sultry smirk that Arizona couldn’t see playing at her lips; “Where are you?” She pouted.
“Callie, can- Callie I-“ Arizona sounded tired, broken almost, and alarm bells started ringing. Had the twins not made it? Had something bad happened to Arizona? Or someone she loved? Her family? With these thoughts racing through her mind, Callie almost missed Arizona’s next words.
“Can you come and get me?” She asked, though her words were hard to hear; they were soft and it was clear to Callie that she was trying to keep herself composed.
Callie sat bolt upright, panic and the need to protect the woman she loved flaring in her chest; “Arizona, sweetie, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t get on the plane. I can’t do it. I just can’t Callie, I can’t do it I-” She replied, her voice getting softer the longer she tried to explain.
“I need you to calm down a second honey, take a few deep breaths for me.” She interrupted, and then waited until her request was followed. “That’s it,” she encouraged. “Now, what happened Arizona? Where are you?”
“Boise. I can’t get on the plane. I can’t do it. I just can’t.” She confided, her voice was getting rougher as she tried to remain in control of her emotions.
“Then you don’t have to. You don’t have to.” Callie reassured quickly. She knew her wife hated flying, with a passion, but she had never heard her this worked up before.
“Is somebody there with you? Can you put them on the phone?” She enquired, hoping that giving Arizona a minute to herself would calm her down and in turn she could ask whoever was there what the heck was going on.
She heard some muffled conversation as Arizona passed the phone over.
"Cal?" Mark's deep baritone replaced Arizona's.
"What happened?!" she demanded.
"One of the engines failed and we-" He began to explain.
"What?!" Callie interrupted, her heart plummeting; if an engine failed surely that meant...no, surely not...
"We're fine Cal," he reminded her gently. "The pilot stabilised us and we made it to Boise, but Arizona fainted, or passed out I'm not sure and we-“
"Don't make her get on that flight, she can't get on that flight." Callie almost demanded, partly for herself as well as for Arizona’s sake. There was an edge of panic in her voice that Mark immediately picked up on.
Taking a step away from Arizona and Lexie, who was trying to keep her calm, he spoke calmly; “She won’t. We won’t. Cal, I’ve already got Blondie panicking, you need to calm down. I’m not going to force her on a plane-“ He stopped mid sentence; maybe they could give her something to calm her down and get the next flight...
“Don’t even think about it.” Callie cut into his silence, knowing him too well, knowing doctors too well, to know where his mind had gone. “You are not drugging my wife.”
Raising a hand in surrender, even though she couldn’t see it, he turned back to Lexie and Arizona, unsure where to go from here.
“The chances of an engine failing again, on a completely different plane are almost non-existent.” Mark tried to reassure her. “We’ll could be on the plane and touching down in Seattle in a few hours; flying is safe, Cal. The safest way to travel, or something.”
“Your engine failed. It failed. Anything could have happened; I could have been waking up to a call about a plane crash, not this. No, she can’t get on that next plane. If she tries to she’ll break down, she won’t do it Mark. She shouldn’t have to. She’s terrified, I can hear it and you can see it. Please, just, please don’t leave her alone. I’ll, I’ll drive and I’ll be there tomorrow and we can-“
“Callie.” He cut in calmly, “You can’t bring Sofia on that long a journey by yourself.”
“I’ll find a sitter, Mark, whatever it takes because she can’t get on that plane, I can’t-“ Callie’s voice broke then and Mark realised just why she was being so adamant.
“Arizona is fine Callie. She’s alive and safe and she’s not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of her that easily.” He joked, trying to bring some levity to the situation. “The plane didn’t crash, we landed here safely and she’s alright.”
He heard Callie sigh on the other end and reiterated; “She’s safe.”
“I know.” She said, grabbing Arizona’s pillow and hugging it to her body. “I know. But she’s stubborn and terrified Mark, she won’t get on that plane no matter what you, or I, say to her. And, personally, I’m okay with that.”
“We’ll rent a car!” He exclaimed, spotting the airport rental service. “We’ll hire one, the three of us, and drive back, take it in shifts and be there by what? Like morning?”
Callie breathed a sigh of relief on the other end of the line; “Yes, please. Thank you, Mark. I just- she- thanks. I’ll see you guys later then. Hand me back to Arizona please?”
“Sure, Cal.”
The next voice she heard was her wife, noticeably calmer than before; “I- I feel like an idiot, but I was so scared Calliope. I thought we were going to- I thought I wasn’t going to- I just want to be home.” She finally said, not able to voice some of her fears right now, not when Callie wasn’t there in person to chase them away.
Callie’s heart went out to her and she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her, hold her tight and keep her safe.
“Mark said you guys’ll rent a car, drive back; the three of you can take shifts and you’ll be here before you know it.”
Arizona let out a breath, blowing her bangs from her forehead. “Yeah, home before we know it. I can’t wait. I love you, Calliope.”
“I love you, too. Drive safe and text me or call me whenever, keep me posted.”
“I will, promise.” She said as if in goodbye, but she couldn’t bring herself to hang up the phone.
“I don’t want to hang up.” Callie said, her voice a little ragged and Arizona swallowed hard to push back the tears dancing on her eyelashes.
“I don’t want to hang up either. I- I miss you and it’s only been a day.”
“One heck of a day though.”
“Yeah.” Arizona agreed with a sigh. “I feel like this is all some crazy dream and I’ll wake up and none of this will have happened. I mean, I know nothing did happen, but it feels like it did. I feel like I almost missed so much, almost left you alone and I-“
“You’re safe, sweetie, you’re alive and the plane didn’t crash and you’ll be here, with me - and Sof - in a matter of hours when Mark rents that car. And you didn’t miss anything; the body paint will keep and this lingerie is definitely up for another spin.” Callie teased, hoping to perk Arizona up a little before they began their drive back, not liking the idea of her driving back scared and distracted; they’d already been in one accident they didn’t need another.
Arizona laughed and Callie couldn’t help but smile at the sound.
“I was only going to be gone for one night and already there was body paint and lingerie?”
“Chocolate body paint.” Callie added and smiled at the slight huff on the other line.
“No fair, Calliope, now I have at least eight hours driving with that on my mind.” Arizona pouted, though grateful for the distraction.
Callie could hear the pout that was undoubtedly on her face and a laugh bubbled out.
“You’re more than welcome, honey. Now go on, go make sure Mark gets a decent car and come home to me. I’ll be waiting...”
“Love you.” Arizona responded, waiting for Callie to reciprocate before she hung up, clutching the phone to her chest. She was one lucky woman to be married to Calliope Torres; she always knew how to make her feel better.
--
They’d finally left Boise at around ten p.m. the previous night, leaving Meredith, Cristina and Derek to take the private flight themselves. Mark had rented them one of those fancy 4x4s that had every safety feature known to man built in. They’d taken turns driving; Mark first, then Arizona and Lexie was driving the last leg of their almost nine hour journey, including rest stops for toilet breaks and coffee. They played car games to start with, anything to keep Arizona’s mind from wandering; she was still shaken up and though not affected themselves, Mark and Lexie understood that she was going to need some more time.
When they’d exhausted car games - just shy of four hours into their journey - Arizona had been thankful to be driving as it meant she was kept occupied, focused on nothing but the road in front of her that was taking her to her family. And then they’d reached the next rest stop and panic had set in; she was shattered but she didn’t want to sleep, was afraid of what she would see if she did. She didn’t want to relive the plane crash that never was but had felt so real.
Her phone buzzed in her lap, she had another text from Callie.
Sofia say’s ‘Hi Mama’. We love you. Drive safe. X
The text was accompanied with a picture of a just wakened Sofia in her crib, her fuzzy giraffe toy clutched in one small hand. Arizona couldn’t help but smile as she typed back a reply to the spookily well-timed text message. Sometimes she’d swear Callie could read her mind.
Love you guys, too. Try get some sleep, Calliope, we’re in Washington. Be home soon. X
We’re keeping each other company, we’re fine. How long until you get here? X
According to the SatNav about 2.5 hours. Can’t wait. X
Feels like forever. We’ll heat your side of the bed up for you. Love you. X
Love you too. See you guys soon. X
Sliding the lock on her phone, Arizona looked out the window at the Washington skyline as the sun began to rise; four a.m. and she was watching the sun rise after driving through the night all because she freaked out and fainted on a plane. She’d never felt so happy and yet stupid at the same time; happy to see something so beautiful and yet stupid for being the reason they were on the road at the same time, but she was grateful for friends like Mark and Lexie for doing this for her.
“I didn’t want to get on the plane either.” Lexie volunteered into the silence that had descended on the car since Mark fell asleep.
Turning in her seat, Arizona looked at her quizzically; “Really?”
“I was as scared as you were the second we started shaking. I mean I’ve read everything there is to know about planes, I know what’s likely and what’s not, what’s safe and what isn’t, but that didn’t stop me being scared. It didn’t stop any of us from being scared. The only people who mean much of anything to me anymore were on that plane with me, scared right alongside me, but you? Your world was waiting for you back in Seattle, it’s no wonder you were terrified.” Lexie kept her eyes on the road, focusing ahead and not on the ragged breathing from the passenger seat. She only hoped that her next words could be somewhat of a comfort to Arizona; “But you’re safe and nothing bad happened. We made it there safely, those little boys will live full, individual lives now because of us and home is only...two hours away.” She added, checking the SatNav.
“Thanks Lexie.” Arizona said after a moment of silence. “You do one heck of a pep talk. You’ll make a great Chief Resident one day.”
--
Arizona had never been glad to see a sign before in her life, but when they’d reached hour 8.5 of their journey and “Welcome to Seattle” greeted them her heart ballooned. She was almost home.
“Meredith, Derek and Cristina are back safe.” Mark grunted from the back seat, flicking through his phone with one eye open. “They were delayed by some flight plan thing but they’re back.”
Arizona breathed an unconscious sigh of relief at his words; they hadn’t been tempting fate getting on a plane after all. She knew they hadn’t actually crashed, that the plane had been stabilised quickly and safely but she couldn’t help her mind from feeling like they almost had. The brain was a fickle thing sometimes.
“I can keep the car and return it later if you guys want?” Lexie offered, turning on to Mark and Arizona’s road.
“Thanks, for everything.” Arizona said sincerely as she grabbed her bag, ready to jump out of the car the second it stopped.
--
Arizona smiled at the slightly open bedroom door and when she opened the door fully the smile that graced her lips was definitely a supermagic smile.
Callie had dozed off on her side of the bed, with Sofia sleeping soundly on her chest, her little fist grabbing the strap of Callie’s tank top as she nuzzled into her mommy while she slept. It was the cutest and most heart warming thing Arizona thought she’d ever seen. Her family was adorable.
While she drank in the sight of them, Callie began to stir, smiling up at her sleepily; “Hey.” She said as she moved carefully towards the centre of the bed. “C’mere.” She requested, holding the covers up slightly.
Immediately, Arizona was dumping her coat on the floor and stepping out of her jeans, climbing into bed in her shirt and panties, not wanting to waste another second.
“I think that’s the quickest I’ve ever seen you undress.” Callie teased as Arizona slid in next to her.
She curled her arm around her neck, bringing her in for a kiss. “Missed you.”
“I missed you, too. Both of you.” Arizona replied, one hand gently rubbing Sofia’s back as the other kept Callie’s face inches from hers, their eyes still locked. It was as if Arizona was trying to memorise her, trying to take in every detail and make sure it was all real.
When Arizona’s eyes slid closed and her breathing hitched Callie placed a kiss on her forehead before she spoke, her own eyes clouding with tears.
“You’re safe and you’re here. We’re here and like I said; neither of us is going anywhere. You’re safe.”
Arizona buried her head in Callie’s neck, hiding her tears and breathing in the smell and feel of her wife; the plane hadn’t crashed, they hadn’t died or been hurt and she was here, with her wife and her baby girl. She was home and she was safe.
She wasn’t going to miss all those milestones and little moments that had flashed before her eyes; she was going to live them and she had never been happier than she was right then.
“I love you.” She whispered against Callie’s pulse point while her legs tangled with her wife’s; she wanted to be as close as possible to her girls.
“I love you too.” Callie replied, kissing the crown of her head softly. “You must be exhausted, try to get some sleep.”
“We’ll be right here when you wake up.” Callie gently reminded her when Arizona began to protest.
“I don’t want to close my eyes and dream about what I thought happened; I was so sure, it felt so real...” She admitted in a whisper against Callie’s neck.
“How about I tell you about my day?” Callie suggested, knowing that previously - when Arizona had woken from nightmares of tiny coffins - she had drifted off into a peaceful sleep when Callie had kept her mind distracted with stories of her day right up until she had nodded off.
“I’d like that.”
“Sofia was a little fussy when she woke up, wanted her Mama, but we rallied and we were off to day care and then I was straight in to my first surgery; after telling Bailey I had body paint and lingerie waiting for you when you got home.”
Arizona chuckled at that even as her eyes grew heavier and she could feel herself finally relaxing after what felt like far too long.
“Which, by the way, we can save for tomorrow night when Mark has our little angel. But, back to the story...”
It wasn’t much further into her retelling of her day that Arizona dropped off into sleep and Callie could finally breathe a sigh of relief. She’d been so worried hearing Arizona so scared on the phone and that coupled with the fact that one of the engines had actually failed meant she had spent the past nine hours, as she waited on them returning, freaking out. She could have lost Arizona today and the thought of that was terrifying. She didn’t know how she’d have coped if the phone call that had woken her hadn’t been Arizona, but someone with bad news instead. She was so grateful that it hadn’t been the case.
Her wife was home safe, and if she had it her way she’d never be getting on a plane again. Not unless it was her dad’s private jet...after it had been thoroughly safety checked. She wasn’t taking any chances.