part of a healthy breakfast!
i'm watching an hourlong documentary on history international (cable= w00t) about the plight of chinese peasants. and how the government is sort of corrupt and sort of not and some of the ways they try to improve everyone's lot only backfire. it's easy to point at them and say, you red dumbasses, no wonder you're fucking yourselves up, but christ. it's an enormous country with like billions of people and they don't have any fucking money. i watch stuff like this and scratch my head. yes. you're right. this sucks, but i don't know how to fix it either. good luck, fellas.
the past week or so has been a big motivational crisis. well, i suppose the past few days, anyway. we had a big property midterm on tuesday and we all went out and got drinkeyed after. we started early, so i was in bed by like 11:30, and since i got enough sleep, i woke up on wednesday with an existential crisis, a metaphysical rather than strictly physical hangover. took till last night to shake it. and i'm trying to kick a nasty death cold (bird flu, anyone? it's now in 12 countries!), so that obviously doesn't help much with the state of the cosmos either.
the crisis is multi-pronged (the best kind!):
-am in law school, yet pretty much cringe at thought of doing any and all law jobs that have heard about to date.
-cannot quit, as would relegate self to more jobs paying <$25k, and will have loans to pay back on top of it. like frosting! frosting of bankruptcy!
-am sick and tired of stupid carlisle. going to same lame bars with same ppl every week and talking about the same dumb shit. is nothing else to do, though, so am drawing blank on that one for the time being.
-next year. plethora of options (is 3 enough for a plethora? is plenty conflusing with only 3, so think must count.)
-can stay in carlisle. go to school in office bldg up by turnpike while law school gets torn down. is not that bad, since law school bldg is piece of crap. but still. basically, more of same. in different bldg. with fewer of favorite ppl, in all probability.
-can try to transfer up to state college, to other bldg (dean has grand, silly idea about two-campus law school. if ask self, sounds like ridiculous pain in ass. but did not ask self.) several of favorite law school friends are seriously considering. not big fan of whole idea for self, donot customarily think is good idea to choose school based on where friends are going. but then, with that rationale, have put self in several situations involving super-depressing distance from and lack of friends. should perhaps reevaluate stance on issue?
-can try to transfer to MD. will probably apply anyway. may well say no, and then will not be option. would be cheaper tuition, but more rent. much better proximity to old friends, would likely lose touch with new friends completely, as are new. is slightly better school. suspect may be hard to make friends as 2L in new law school, as everyone will have friends already. but then, is still school, so how hard can possibly be? disembodiment will be there, if still only lowly 1L, and would be whole entire block from pythonmont and best boss have ever had.
-also, find self sending resume into u.s. postal service ether in search of summer jobs. classmates come to school in suits periodically for summer job interviews. whenever happens, sit there and say, fuck me, one more job i'm not getting. is depressing. although comfort self with thought that look better in own suit than other girls look in theirs. stupid dumpy-ass pencil skirts. several girls wearing who should know better.
-need relevant summer job. have never had job that had anything to do with anything. need to make resume look like makes some sort of cohesive sense. cannot afford to work for free again. cannot apply for anything needing writing sample, as all law school writing has gone extraordinarily badly. going to go chat up professors next week who need summer assistants. would get paid, would not have to dress up. would solve all of problems.
had dinner with the girls last night, learned that one of the five of us has a real drive to Be A Lawyer. we posed the question to the group- what would we do if we didn't need money, etc. answers incl. travel, be a hairdresser, acting, dancing, helping underprivileged children, etc. but we need money, and since the fine arts one were mine and i'm insufficiently talented to do any of them for a living, we're all in law school. everyone is having a crisis of motivation together. is comforting.
the past week or so has been a big motivational crisis. well, i suppose the past few days, anyway. we had a big property midterm on tuesday and we all went out and got drinkeyed after. we started early, so i was in bed by like 11:30, and since i got enough sleep, i woke up on wednesday with an existential crisis, a metaphysical rather than strictly physical hangover. took till last night to shake it. and i'm trying to kick a nasty death cold (bird flu, anyone? it's now in 12 countries!), so that obviously doesn't help much with the state of the cosmos either.
the crisis is multi-pronged (the best kind!):
-am in law school, yet pretty much cringe at thought of doing any and all law jobs that have heard about to date.
-cannot quit, as would relegate self to more jobs paying <$25k, and will have loans to pay back on top of it. like frosting! frosting of bankruptcy!
-am sick and tired of stupid carlisle. going to same lame bars with same ppl every week and talking about the same dumb shit. is nothing else to do, though, so am drawing blank on that one for the time being.
-next year. plethora of options (is 3 enough for a plethora? is plenty conflusing with only 3, so think must count.)
-can stay in carlisle. go to school in office bldg up by turnpike while law school gets torn down. is not that bad, since law school bldg is piece of crap. but still. basically, more of same. in different bldg. with fewer of favorite ppl, in all probability.
-can try to transfer up to state college, to other bldg (dean has grand, silly idea about two-campus law school. if ask self, sounds like ridiculous pain in ass. but did not ask self.) several of favorite law school friends are seriously considering. not big fan of whole idea for self, donot customarily think is good idea to choose school based on where friends are going. but then, with that rationale, have put self in several situations involving super-depressing distance from and lack of friends. should perhaps reevaluate stance on issue?
-can try to transfer to MD. will probably apply anyway. may well say no, and then will not be option. would be cheaper tuition, but more rent. much better proximity to old friends, would likely lose touch with new friends completely, as are new. is slightly better school. suspect may be hard to make friends as 2L in new law school, as everyone will have friends already. but then, is still school, so how hard can possibly be? disembodiment will be there, if still only lowly 1L, and would be whole entire block from pythonmont and best boss have ever had.
-also, find self sending resume into u.s. postal service ether in search of summer jobs. classmates come to school in suits periodically for summer job interviews. whenever happens, sit there and say, fuck me, one more job i'm not getting. is depressing. although comfort self with thought that look better in own suit than other girls look in theirs. stupid dumpy-ass pencil skirts. several girls wearing who should know better.
-need relevant summer job. have never had job that had anything to do with anything. need to make resume look like makes some sort of cohesive sense. cannot afford to work for free again. cannot apply for anything needing writing sample, as all law school writing has gone extraordinarily badly. going to go chat up professors next week who need summer assistants. would get paid, would not have to dress up. would solve all of problems.
had dinner with the girls last night, learned that one of the five of us has a real drive to Be A Lawyer. we posed the question to the group- what would we do if we didn't need money, etc. answers incl. travel, be a hairdresser, acting, dancing, helping underprivileged children, etc. but we need money, and since the fine arts one were mine and i'm insufficiently talented to do any of them for a living, we're all in law school. everyone is having a crisis of motivation together. is comforting.