Question #2
Question #2: When I look at my life right now compared with one year before I feel...(what now).
Not an easy question to answer. Last year had its high points but it also had under riding low points that continued for most of those twelve months. These low points revolved around several things not the least of which was my inability to really listen to my wife. It is like my mind picks up her voice in pieces and then my mind fills in the blanks which, 99% of the time, had no relevance to what she was talking about. Needless to say, that leads to conflicts. We tried all sorts of techniques to try to get around it, like getting my attention first, then talking or if I'm doing something, stop what I'm doing so I can listen. Sometimes it worked but continuing to use those techniques hasn't been sustained. Today, I try to make a point to listen, stop what I'm doing, ask to repeat if I didn't get it. But, even so, sometimes there is a slip and usually about mundane things. Another has been failing to devote time to the family. Granted, two of the three stepchildren are out of the house and own their own but that still leaves one around almost all the time. I've not kept up with flash cards and checking her homework consistently. While she is a very good reader, her math has suffered because of me. Today, I have made it a point, after speaking with the wife, that one hour per day will be devoted to homework, reading, and flash cards. I want her to succeed and to be lax with that desire is criminal. Procrastination plagued me last year and forgetfulness another problem. Today, the procrastination still exists. It is amazing...well, sort of...how difficult it is to overcome that. Today, I try to make more use of notes and writing things down like "to do" lists. But the forgetting part still remains. I can get ready to go out, grab the wallet, cell phone, throw on a coat, etc. and those car keys can be sitting right by the wallet in full view and I'll still get out to the garage and go...wait, I forgot the keys. Or, worse, I'll forget multiple things and have to make several trips back and forth. Sometimes it is as bad as being handed something, putting it down, and immediately forgetting about it. Where does that come from? A notion of not caring? That seems to be a central theme of the low points...not caring. And by not caring, things fall apart. Care sustains, not caring doesn't. Intimacy is another low point. It hasn't existed in awhile. Oh, there was a resurgence late last year but it didn't sustain itself. Marriages don't sustain themselves without intimacy. Today, there is some desire but no action to follow through. There are many reasons for this. But when do you stop using them for excuses and get on with doing what is right?
So, back to the main focus of the question...how do I feel now? I feel there is reason to be positive. Things have unfolded to help make this an easier trek to turn things around. Last year was bad from an overall relationship standpoint. And not through her fault but mine. This year did not start off well and I cratered hard and set the bridge of trust ablaze. That will be a long rebuild there. Still, I have a better frame of mind to make it work because the rewards to be gained are huge. And part of this goes to my wife who, despite everything, still is working to make this all come together.
Not an easy question to answer. Last year had its high points but it also had under riding low points that continued for most of those twelve months. These low points revolved around several things not the least of which was my inability to really listen to my wife. It is like my mind picks up her voice in pieces and then my mind fills in the blanks which, 99% of the time, had no relevance to what she was talking about. Needless to say, that leads to conflicts. We tried all sorts of techniques to try to get around it, like getting my attention first, then talking or if I'm doing something, stop what I'm doing so I can listen. Sometimes it worked but continuing to use those techniques hasn't been sustained. Today, I try to make a point to listen, stop what I'm doing, ask to repeat if I didn't get it. But, even so, sometimes there is a slip and usually about mundane things. Another has been failing to devote time to the family. Granted, two of the three stepchildren are out of the house and own their own but that still leaves one around almost all the time. I've not kept up with flash cards and checking her homework consistently. While she is a very good reader, her math has suffered because of me. Today, I have made it a point, after speaking with the wife, that one hour per day will be devoted to homework, reading, and flash cards. I want her to succeed and to be lax with that desire is criminal. Procrastination plagued me last year and forgetfulness another problem. Today, the procrastination still exists. It is amazing...well, sort of...how difficult it is to overcome that. Today, I try to make more use of notes and writing things down like "to do" lists. But the forgetting part still remains. I can get ready to go out, grab the wallet, cell phone, throw on a coat, etc. and those car keys can be sitting right by the wallet in full view and I'll still get out to the garage and go...wait, I forgot the keys. Or, worse, I'll forget multiple things and have to make several trips back and forth. Sometimes it is as bad as being handed something, putting it down, and immediately forgetting about it. Where does that come from? A notion of not caring? That seems to be a central theme of the low points...not caring. And by not caring, things fall apart. Care sustains, not caring doesn't. Intimacy is another low point. It hasn't existed in awhile. Oh, there was a resurgence late last year but it didn't sustain itself. Marriages don't sustain themselves without intimacy. Today, there is some desire but no action to follow through. There are many reasons for this. But when do you stop using them for excuses and get on with doing what is right?
So, back to the main focus of the question...how do I feel now? I feel there is reason to be positive. Things have unfolded to help make this an easier trek to turn things around. Last year was bad from an overall relationship standpoint. And not through her fault but mine. This year did not start off well and I cratered hard and set the bridge of trust ablaze. That will be a long rebuild there. Still, I have a better frame of mind to make it work because the rewards to be gained are huge. And part of this goes to my wife who, despite everything, still is working to make this all come together.