proprietary fannish love; or, who "ruined" my female character

[pellucid]

Yesterday I participated in a discussion about what this whole fanfic thing is all about, anyway. Yesterday and today I participated in two different discussions about female characters. I propose that there are some similar principles underlying both sets of discussions.

Comments

[beanpot]

That sounds like a fantastic evening

[pellucid]

There are reams and reams to be written about pregnancy on these shows (well, all shows, but sci fi can be especially bad with the whole miracle baby trope), and I think that so often the problems lie in the amount of emphasis reproduction gets: like suddenly the only plot this character is allowed to have revolves around pregnancy, and it's unquestioningly assumed that pregnancy is the greatest thing evar and the only thing this woman has ever wanted to do with her life. But then on the flip side I get really uncomfortable with the kind of language that refers to women being "reduced" to pregnancy, as if it were some small thing or some kind of indication of "weakness." BSG has no stellar track record with issues surrounding reproduction, but I do commend them a) for presenting Sharon as both a devoted mother and also as an entirely competent individual and soldier who continues to be really good at her job (more or less), and b) for never even hinting that Laura Roslin is odd or diminished or lacking in any way for not having had

[beanpot]

if a fan finds herself hard-pressed to like any female characters, well, I spy a red flag...

Yes, of course! Especially when the reasons they don't like the females is the same reasons why they adore the males.

[suzycat]

Do you think the whole notion of the pregnancy being "the only thing that mattered" reflects writers' own experiences/preconceptions about pregnancy, either their own or someone else's? When you think about it - and I say this as a female who has never been pregnant - our whole society tends to speak about pregnancy as a massive huge lifechanging THING, so huge it cannot be talked around. I know I find it difficult to relate to pregnant women without constant consciousness of their pregnancy, the fact they are having a baby soon, how they feel, do they know what it is, what can/can't they eat/drink, have they got names planned etc. Even if I don't ask those questions on purpose, I will still have them simmering away, and I don't know whether that's some "barren woman projection" of mine going on - since I am not consciously deliberately without children, it just worked out that way - or just the sheer weight of social fascination with pregnancy. To be fair, most friends have talked of little else during their pregnancies, and these

[tejas]

Speaking as someone who bore a child, um... I gotta say that while my pregnancy was very cool (and very easy), it wasn't ever the be-all and end-all of my existence. Yeah, parenting does change your life, but it doesn't change who you are. I'm the same person I was before my daughter was born (ok 14 years older ;-), just with more responsibility

[suzycat]

A good father is right there and just as involved as the mother (specific physical issues during the pregnancy aside - and even those can serious impact the partner Yes, of course, but not on TV. On TV he's not wandering around with a big baby tummy going "oh my baby!!!!" every time he gets shot at(for argument's sake

[tejas]

Yes, of course, but not on TV

Which is the point. They don't know how to do pregnancy from *either* side the equation.

some fake stretchmarks...

ROTFLMAO!!!!! Oh, man, here, have some Oreos, they'll do the job. :-)

On a more serious note, that's what most of us are bitching about. When they pull pregnancy or almost anything else that's 'traditionally' female, they use the stereotypes like plug and play equipment without thought to the relevance for the given character.

[suzycat]

Exactly, and I feel it may have something to do with the overriding cultural notion that once a woman becomes pregnant, she is automatically transmogrified into an undifferentiated baby carrier, because it is Her Natural Place In The World.

[tejas]

When what they *forget* is that the only difference is that she's, y'know, *pregnant*. I gotta admit, though, I still get weird looks even from other women when I tell them I worked until the day I went into labor and went home at the normal time (early stages - no pain at that point). I've never gotten the whole 'take the last month off' thing unless there are health reasons. What was I supposed to do? Wander around the house and stare at the walls? :-) Much nicer to sit in comfort all day in my office where someone else is paying for the heating and a/c.

[suzycat]

I always remember a local celebrity talking about how she visualised her last few months as sitting about dreamily in Laura Ashley-type dresses in her perfect nursery, but instead was ragingly uncomfortable and bored, and then when the child was born, he failed to sleep sweetly in his cot at the appropriate times while she wafted about in flowing white, and it was quite a wakeup call.

[tejas]

While my kid slept through the night at 8 weeks and settled quickly into a perfectly lovely routine. She was rarely sick (and I can count on one hand the number of times it was something other than an ear infection - very common until a kid's eustation (umm.. Firefox's spellchecker doesn't know that one) tubes finish developing around the age of four). On the one hand, I doubt I had much to do with having such an easy kid, and yet, I can't help but think since I avoided the kinds of expectations you mentioned, it was easy to adapt to her specific needs. Kids are very receptive to parental emotions. I *do* suspect that my remaining calm and collected kept her from being unnecessarily stressed which can only help. :-) (I'm so glad I waited until my 30s to have a kid. ;-)

[suzycat]

heh. Well, this was an actress in her 30s and I guess people who do a lot of theatre etc are often a bit fond of imaginary games. At least she admitted it!

[tejas]

I'm just sorry for her kid who took the brunt of Mom's reality check. :-) Hopefully, she got over it quickly. :-)

Prospective parents should all be required to read the collected works of Erma Bombeck. :-)

[pellucid]

I do think that this whole weird mythos surrounding pregnancy has a lot to do with the way that (mostly male) writers end up portraying it on television--and then these fictional portrayals reinforce the mythos in a somewhat vicious cycle. And I certainly wouldn't deny that pregnancy is a pretty big deal in the life of the pregnant woman and then mother (though I wouldn't know from experience, nor do I ever plan to), but it drives me a little crazy when the character suddenly becomes nothing but pregnant and/or a mother, all other desires and personality traits subsumed to the fetus/child. It also drives me crazy that often enough in fiction, all women are assumed to want children and to be thrilled about impending babies (even unplanned and often enough in sci fi, supernaturally forced-upon-them babies). Because no. Which is not to say that some women wouldn't be, but deal with it on a character-by-character basis rather than in broad stereotypes