I Miss That Town, I Can't Believe It...
I really don't know why, but I've been feeling really homesick all day. It might be because I'm not getting nearly enough sleep, or I'm getting hormonal, or I'm feeling the stress of the end of the semester...but I think that, most of all, it's because weekends at home pass by like a flash. I was so looking forward to Easter weekend and it felt like it only lasted a few hours, however fun. For something I waited about two weeks for, two days of family and freedom just doesn't add up. It probably didn't help that Mom came to pick up Sarah just about an hour ago from her two day visit. I'm not used to having a parent on the way up here and not being prepared to hop in the car with them and go home. I love it up here, I really do, and I love the independence. But being on campus is soured a bit in that being up here means doing work and going TO work and having a set schedule and responsibilities. I have three and a half weeks left--a history term paper, an English paper, and four finals. And the Scrubs musical next Wednesday. And Spring Weekend. The last two should be awesome and lots of fun, but at this point, my energy is so low I don't really want to do anything. I think I need a good rehearsal to get me excited, and some more fun times with friends like our Horsebarn Hill walk yesterday evening.
All this stress is making me paranoid too, and probably no fun to be around. Kris is over almost every weeknight for TV, and she and Jenny hop up on the top bunk and squeal around, watching their shows and having a grand time while I sit at my computer. Granted, it's usually to do homework that had to be pushed off until after work or rehearsal, but it's still grating. I'm trying to do work, and their high-pitched gossping and screeching is audible over my music at a high volume. I feel like an unhappy little third wheel, blocking them out with iTunes and oceanography reading. They'll be rooming together next semester, with Steph, and I'm not that sad to be missing out on that. I miss rooming with Steph and I love those two to death, of course, but when they're together I feel very unwanted---to be horribly self-pitying and angsty. I can't help it. I think it's in my nature to feel insecure, since I already can't believe that I was so blessed with so many wonderful friends. A change of scenery might be needed, since I feel like there's a bit too much negativity in my life right now too, which isn't helping my mood. Jess is a lot more energetic and positive, so I'm really excited for next year...I feel like I'll be more motivated and not feel as unwelcome. That sounds terrible, I know, but it's something I need to vent where it can't hurt anyone's feelings.
I just can't help feeling tired of it all, and wanting to be home doing nothing for days on end. I'm not even interning at Polk, so I'll have the house to myself every weekday until late June when Amy and Sarah get out of school. Plus, with all the amazing stuff happening this summer, it can't come soon enough. I can't wait for the weather to be nice, to be sitting out on the swing with a book in the sun, with Sadie, Jesse, and Callie all around. I can't wait for summer thundershowers and the few weeks of nothing before Sylvan opens. I miss my room, I miss the house, I miss my car, I miss my friends who don't go here, and I miss my family. Weirdly enough, I just saw them. Like two days ago. Well, except for Amy, who is currently off in France, hopefully having a lovely time. I'm glad I'll be home in time to see her head off to prom and to see Sarah home from DC, but those things seem so far away still. When, in actuality, they're less than a month away. It's starting to become this ever-present ache that's really annoying and depressing at the same time. I just need to get some more sleep, work hard these last few weeks, and then I'm out of here. Hopefully, come summer vacation, I'll lose this thundercloud attitude, get some real rest, and stop being such a snarky cat to everyone I know and love.
Here's hoping....
All this stress is making me paranoid too, and probably no fun to be around. Kris is over almost every weeknight for TV, and she and Jenny hop up on the top bunk and squeal around, watching their shows and having a grand time while I sit at my computer. Granted, it's usually to do homework that had to be pushed off until after work or rehearsal, but it's still grating. I'm trying to do work, and their high-pitched gossping and screeching is audible over my music at a high volume. I feel like an unhappy little third wheel, blocking them out with iTunes and oceanography reading. They'll be rooming together next semester, with Steph, and I'm not that sad to be missing out on that. I miss rooming with Steph and I love those two to death, of course, but when they're together I feel very unwanted---to be horribly self-pitying and angsty. I can't help it. I think it's in my nature to feel insecure, since I already can't believe that I was so blessed with so many wonderful friends. A change of scenery might be needed, since I feel like there's a bit too much negativity in my life right now too, which isn't helping my mood. Jess is a lot more energetic and positive, so I'm really excited for next year...I feel like I'll be more motivated and not feel as unwelcome. That sounds terrible, I know, but it's something I need to vent where it can't hurt anyone's feelings.
I just can't help feeling tired of it all, and wanting to be home doing nothing for days on end. I'm not even interning at Polk, so I'll have the house to myself every weekday until late June when Amy and Sarah get out of school. Plus, with all the amazing stuff happening this summer, it can't come soon enough. I can't wait for the weather to be nice, to be sitting out on the swing with a book in the sun, with Sadie, Jesse, and Callie all around. I can't wait for summer thundershowers and the few weeks of nothing before Sylvan opens. I miss my room, I miss the house, I miss my car, I miss my friends who don't go here, and I miss my family. Weirdly enough, I just saw them. Like two days ago. Well, except for Amy, who is currently off in France, hopefully having a lovely time. I'm glad I'll be home in time to see her head off to prom and to see Sarah home from DC, but those things seem so far away still. When, in actuality, they're less than a month away. It's starting to become this ever-present ache that's really annoying and depressing at the same time. I just need to get some more sleep, work hard these last few weeks, and then I'm out of here. Hopefully, come summer vacation, I'll lose this thundercloud attitude, get some real rest, and stop being such a snarky cat to everyone I know and love.
Here's hoping....