Bad day...hopefully not a bad week....
I thought that this week was going to be great. I have no school at all and I can just relax. But I was wrong. I got my results back from my ultra sound today and they were worse than I thought they'd be. They found internal bleeding in my left breast and I have a bunch of cysts around the area that's bleeding. I have to get a biopsey done to see if it's just bleeding or if it's cancerous. My biopsey is scheduled for the 19th, but that's bullshit b/c I'm in a lot of pain. I was pissed when my mom told me that's when my appointment was. I mean, sure everything will prolly be ok and I'm sure there's ppl that have worse problems, but I don't think I can stand this pain for another frickin week and a half! So my mom's calling tomorrow to see if they can get me in sometime sooner. I've just felt queezy all day and I've done a lot of crying. I mean, what if it is cancer? I don't ever remember injuring my boob so why would this just pop up out of nowhere? And what would I do if it was cancer? Omg, my life would be flipped upside down. But, everyone keeps telling me that it's prolly not that and I believe it. It's just that little doubt in the back of my mind that gives me just enough anxiety to worry about it. But I have a fever and I feel like throwing up right now. I can't sleep so that's why I'm writing in here. I just wanted to enjoy this week and have fun. But John was at school all day today and he will be tomorrow and then he has a track meet at Eastern on Wednesday so there goes half my time with him. Oh yeah, he also works Thursday and Saturday till 9:30 pm and then Sunday as well until like 12:00 pm. I'm going shopping with Trisha tomorrow afternoon. I just hope I feel ok to do that though. Sometimes I think my sickness is mental though. I absolutely HATE blood and needles and things like that and just the thought that I'm bleeding inside and that my biopsey involves needles makes me sick. I think I'm just really stressed and I dunno how to handle it. I can't get my mind off it. I thought going to John's tonight would help, but it didn't. He fell asleep on me and left me sit there to think about it. I'm not mad b/c he went to school and worked all day today so I understand, but I just need someone or something to get my mind off of this. I just keep crying and worrying...Omg I'm gonna go nuts this week. I'll stop whining though...I'm sorry. Night...