i hate myself
i have no purpose in life. i'm not appreciated by the one person i wish appreciated me. having a job and an education aren't the most important things in life. those things don't define me, but i guess they do in his eyes. i'm sick of this, but i can't let go. i can't let go. i'm a damn good girlfriend. almost 2 years later and i still feel the exact same way i felt the day of our 1st kiss. i absolutely cannot be mean, but he can be mean to me. i pour my heart out and what do i get? silence. so he's not emotionally affectionate. okay. but to the point where he ONLY says "i love you" at the end of our conversations? which are getting shorter as the days pass? i don't deserve this, yet i can't say goodbye. i'm the world's dumbest optimist. i'm praying that the distance is at fault here, not a lack of love. i long for the attention i deserve. i don't even remember when the last time he told me i'm beautiful was. or that he was grateful for me. or anything "lovey dovey", how he puts it. some people get hurt by words; i'm hurt by the lack of them. i'm hungry for them. sometimes i want to verbally assault him, but i don't like saying things i'll regret. i'm so confused. my heart is confused. i hope i die tonight.