How to eat a sandwich, New York style
1. Wait in excessively long queue, behind large number of people in suits placing ridiculously large and overly-personalized orders.
2. Put hands behind back to prevent yourself from hitting the yuppie woman who wants to substitute everything with something else. ("Hmmm, I don't know if I want parmesan....do you have Romano? You do? Awesome? Is it low fat? No? Well, that's no good...why don't you have part-skim Romano? I guess I'll take something completely different.")
3. Be elbowed out of the way by prick in expensive-looking suit.
4. Go through galaxy of choices to ensure that you get exactly the right bread, meat, vegetable toppings, dressing, adjustable mortgage rate, and life insurance options etc, etc, etc.
5. Finally arrive at counter with sandwich. Refuse 'meal deal offer.'
6. Refuse soup and sandwich deal.
7. Refuse soda combination deal.
8. Inform cashier that you just want the sandwich. Really.
9. Take sandwich to desk. Get lockjaw trying to open your mouth wide enough to accommodate large roll stuffed with 3 lbs of sliced turkey.
10. Open sandwich. Remove 3/4s of turkey. Replace top. Discover that turkey was dressed in something and discarded meat has dripped creamy-looking substance down your dark coloured blouse.
11. Toss sandwich, put on new blouse and pine for Marks & Spencer ready-made, vaccuum sealed goodness.
2. Put hands behind back to prevent yourself from hitting the yuppie woman who wants to substitute everything with something else. ("Hmmm, I don't know if I want parmesan....do you have Romano? You do? Awesome? Is it low fat? No? Well, that's no good...why don't you have part-skim Romano? I guess I'll take something completely different.")
3. Be elbowed out of the way by prick in expensive-looking suit.
4. Go through galaxy of choices to ensure that you get exactly the right bread, meat, vegetable toppings, dressing, adjustable mortgage rate, and life insurance options etc, etc, etc.
5. Finally arrive at counter with sandwich. Refuse 'meal deal offer.'
6. Refuse soup and sandwich deal.
7. Refuse soda combination deal.
8. Inform cashier that you just want the sandwich. Really.
9. Take sandwich to desk. Get lockjaw trying to open your mouth wide enough to accommodate large roll stuffed with 3 lbs of sliced turkey.
10. Open sandwich. Remove 3/4s of turkey. Replace top. Discover that turkey was dressed in something and discarded meat has dripped creamy-looking substance down your dark coloured blouse.
11. Toss sandwich, put on new blouse and pine for Marks & Spencer ready-made, vaccuum sealed goodness.