What You Really Need
Title: What You Really Need
Rating: NC-17
Genre: High School AU
Pairing and Characters: Dean/Cas, Balthazar
Spoilers: Nothing really, it's an AU.
Warnings: (some past)Drug use, some withdrawal situations (I guess), sex?
Word Count: ~5,500
Summary: Sequel to Chemistry/Bad Influence. You should read those before this one (if you want the set up for this one). Chemistry is here:http://pelagia911.livejournal.com/5510.html.
A month has passed since Castiel's snap at the party with Uriel but something with his behavior is bothering Dean. He is shocked to discover what is causing Castiel's change. Will Castiel accept
his help or finally push him away for good?
Something was wrong. Dean could see it right away. Cas seemed jittery and anxious all the time. He was chewing his pens and pencils more than usual, he had even taken to chewing his nails, and they were talking less and less. Cas always had some reason to leave or he would just disappear. During the few times they did talk, Cas would snap at Dean over little things for no reason. He would immediately apologize and say he was tired or just having a bad day but Dean didn’t buy that for a second.
A month had passed since the party so Dean knew it wasn’t about that. After two weeks of this, Dean had had enough. He would find out what was happening no matter what it took.
After Chemistry, Dean had to practically run down the hallway to catch up to Cas who had blown right past him. Cas was at his locker when Dean finally caught him. Dean stood behind him.
“Hey Cas.”
“Hey.” He sounded distracted as he traded out books and grabbed his bag. Dean then noticed how his hands were trembling slightly.
“You alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Cas put a few books in his bag and threw it over his shoulder before closing his locker door. “Sorry Dean,” he lifted his eyes to the locker, “I’m really busy. I need to get home.” Without waiting for an answer, Cas turned to leave.
“Good,” Cas stopped, “I’ll drive you.”
“No don’t worry about it.” Cas started down the hallway with Dean following.
“I wasn’t asking.” Dean reached out to take his arm but Cas slipped out of his hand. Dean instead took a hold of his bag’s strap and stopped him with a jerk. He pulled him closer and turned him around to face him. “I’m taking you home. I want to talk to you.”
Cas sighed and rubbed his forehead with a shaking hand. Dean saw the dark circles under his eyes when he dropped his hand. “Dean…”
“No arguments.” Dean cut him off, his hand still holding tight to his bag strap. “Come on.” Dean pulled Cas out by his strap against his protests of not being a dog.
The drive to Cas’ house made Dean even more nervous. Cas was looking out the window like he was expecting someone to jump at the car while tapping his fingers against his bag.
They pulled into the driveway. “Thanks for the ride Dean.” Cas opened the car door. Dean shut off the engine.
“We’re not done yet.” Cas was standing beside the car. Dean stood and waited for Cas to go to the door. When he did finally move, Dean was right behind him. With unsteady hands, Cas unlocked the front door and stepped inside the house. He moved quickly toward the staircase removing his bag as he went.
Cas threw his bag on his bed as Dean walked through the doorway. Cas rubbed the back of his neck.
“Cas,” Dean closed the door behind him, “what’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?” Cas was still facing away from Dean. He saw Cas’ fists clenching and unclenching.
“You know what I mean.” Dean took a step closer to Cas. “You’ve been on edge for weeks, ignoring me, practically eating any writing utensil in sight.” Dean sighed. “I know something is wrong. Talk to me.” Cas stood quietly. “Whatever the problem is, I could help you.” When Cas still made no move, Dean reached forward and flipped Cas around by his arm. “Cas…”
Cas turned easy in his grip, but his muscles tightened in Dean’s grip. With a snarl, Cas pulled his arm free and shoved Dean back a few steps. Shocked, Dean stared at Cas for a moment. His eyes were shifting quickly and he seemed to be trembling with irritation.
“Cas, what’s wrong?” Cas closed his eyes. Dean moved forward again.
Cas’ eyes snapped open. “Stay there.” Cas put a hand up.
“What is it? Obviously there’s a problem. Why won’t you let me help you?”
“I don’t need your help Dean!” Cas yelled at Dean, his eyes going wide with frustration. “Nothing is wrong! I’m fine!” He took a shaky breath before his eyes narrowed a little. “I know it’s hard for you to understand,” his voice was now seething, “but my world doesn’t revolve around you. I can survive without you.”
Dean felt like he had been punched. He shook his head. “This isn’t you Cas.”
Cas rolled is eyes. “Why? Because I told you what you don’t want to hear. Let’s be honest Dean,” Cas moved closer to Dean, right up into his personal space, “what we have…was fun, physical nothing more.”
Dean closed his eyes and shook his head again. “Cas, that’s not true.”
“Come on. Tell me truthfully how many real relationships you’ve had.” Cas waited and when Dean didn’t answer he nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
“You’re different Cas.”
Cas laughed. “I’m sure you told them that too.” Cas backed away, “Don’t worry Dean. I’m a big boy. I’m okay with what we had. Stop pretending it was more and just leave.”
“Cas…”
“LEAVE!”
“Fine.” Dean turned to grab the door, his foot bumped into the desk beside him and Dean heard something shake inside that made him stop. He knew that sound. He glanced back at Cas who had frozen and was wide eyed with fear now. Dean stepped over to the desk and opened the top drawer.
“Dean don’t.” Cas ran over and grabbed Dean’s arm but let go when Dean picked up the bottle he found there. Dean looked at the prescription bottle full of pills, the label was gone.
Dean turned with unbelieving eyes. “Cas, what is this?” Cas was chewing his bottom lip. “Cas!”
“It’s none of your concern.” Cas reached forward to grab the bottle back. Dean lifted them up out of his reach.
“What are these? Is this what’s making you act so weird?”
“No, they help me.” Cas had stopped trying to reach the bottle and was running is hands through his hair. “Dean, please,” he held his hand out, “I need them.” His eyes were pleading and it tugged at Dean’s heart, but he shook his head.
“No Cas.”
“Please.” Cas looked like he might cry.
“Where did you even get these?”
Cas sniffed. “You don’t know me Dean. I don’t think you want to either.”
He guessed that Cas left the pills here because he couldn’t risk getting caught with them at school. “What were you thinking? Did you think no one would notice?”
“You don’t understand.”
“No,” Dean shook the bottle as his hands flailed around him, “I really don’t Cas. Help me understand why you think you need this crap.”
“They help me with stress and they make me able to focus and get stuff done.”
“Cas, these pills might make you think your better off, but you know what I see? A weak, moody, addict who is being ruled by this,” Dean shook the bottle in front of his face, “they’re anything but helpful.”
“Yes they are. You don’t know what it’s like. The pressure I’m under to be perfect. In school, from my siblings, my dad. I run this household Dean. If I slip up, everything goes to Hell. I can’t make any mistakes.” Cas was shaking. Dean wanted to just hug him and do anything to make him feel better, but that’s not what he needed right now.
“You’re right Cas. I don’t know what that’s like, but I do know that these won’t make it better. One day you’ll run out or they won’t be enough and you’ll turn into someone who can’t help themselves let alone anyone else. You don’t know what these will do to you.”
Cas bit his lip. “Yes I do. You act like this is the first time I’ve used them.”
Dean’s eyes widened. “What?”
“It was a while back but I’ve needed help before. When I feel ready I’ll stop.” Cas reached a hand out. “Just give them to me.”
“No.” Dean moved toward the door. “I’m getting rid of them.”
“Dean, no!” Cas jumped forward in an attempt to stop him but Dean was already out the door and heading down the hall to the bathroom.
Dean twisted the bottle cap off and had every intention of flushing all the pills but Cas busted into the room and grabbed his arms. “Dean, please stop.” Cas pulled Dean back and boy boys stumbled into the sink. Dean twisted out of Cas’ grip and tried to push him back. Cas was pulling at Dean’s hands which held the pills. They fought for a moment, bouncing off of the sink and walls before ending up with Cas against the door. Dean pinned his hands above his head. Cas was baring his teeth and trying to push Dean back.
“Cas, stop.” Dean pushed his hips forward, forcing Cas to still. “Stop.” He lowered his voice in an attempt to calm him down. “I’m trying to help you. Let me help you.”
Cas’ head fell back against the door. He looked lost and sad. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. Dean felt his body relax against him. He released his wrists and took a step back. Cas watched Dean turn back and empty the bottle of pills into the toilet and flush them away.
Dean threw the bottle into the trash bin beside the toilet and turned back to face Cas. Cas was leaning on the door with a hurt look on his face. Both boys stood in silence for a minute. Dean was still trying to understand why Cas would do this. Cas looked close to tears now. He moved a little closer. He wanted to do and say so many things but he couldn’t decide what he thought would be best. “Cas, what triggered all this?” Cas sighed and looked up at the ceiling with tears forming in his eyes. “And don’t say school or your family. You’ve been dealing with those things your whole life. It was something else.”
Cas let out a quiet laugh. “It was you Dean.”
“What? How?”
Cas shifted his feet but continued looking up. “You remember what I said at the party before we left?” Dean nodded. “How I was scared of what was inside me? All the rage and violence that could snap at any time?” Cas paused and closed his eyes. His lips tightened. “After that night,” Cas opened his eyes to look at Dean, “it was so much worse.” Tears formed and fell from his eyes. “I was scared Dean. You tend to bring out the worst in me.”
“The worst? How can you say that? What did I do that was so horrible?” Dean felt like Cas had ripped out his heart. He thought they had been good for each other. For Cas to say he brought out the worst in him hurt him more than he thought it could.
“You made me do things I haven’t done in a long time. Things I shouldn’t have done.”
“Like what? I didn’t make you fight.”
“No you didn’t. But you dragged me there, I fought for you. You made me want to do something like hurt Uriel beyond what I did. You made me want to piss off my brother. You made me want to late for class so we could be together in the closet or the bathroom. I didn’t care. Not only did I do them, I wanted to. I know you didn’t know what you were really doing to me, but I was scared.”
“Why Cas? All I did was try to make you relax. Loosen up a little bit. What’s so wrong with that?”
“It’s not who I am, not anymore, not since…” Cas stopped and wiped the tears from his face. He stood up straighter against the door and gave Dean a blank look. “I like to be in control of myself. With you I don’t think I could and that scares me.”
“So you thought those pills gave you some control?” Cas nodded. “You know that’s crap right? Those pills controlled you, not the other way around. You’re smart enough to know that Cas.”
Cas nodded as fresh tears fell. “I know. I didn’t know what else to do.” His voice was small and quiet now. So much of a contrast from what Dean had known from Cas when they first met.
“You could’ve come to me. Even though you think I’m the problem.” Cas nodded and looked down at his feet. Dean took a deep breath and tried to process everything that was happening. He had not expected this big of a problem when he confronted Cas. “Let’s get out of here.” Dean gestured toward the door. Cas nodded and turned to open the door.
They walked back into Cas’ room. Cas moved his bag off the bed and sat on the edge. He looked like someone had died. Dean still felt the urge to comfort him but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “You won’t tell anybody will you?” Cas was staring at the carpet.
“I don’t know. I feel like I should tell someone.”
Cas looked up in horror. “Please Dean don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t.” Cas relaxed. “But I’m not leaving you either. Not until you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“Bull. Cas, I just threw out a bottle of pills you’ve been using for a couple weeks. You’re not gonna feel fine for a couple days.” Cas was glaring at him.
“Please just leave. You’ve done enough.”
“No,” Dean moved to almost stand over Cas, “no way in Hell.” They both stared each other down. Cas finally broke the stare.
“Fine.” He stood up and pushed Dean back and moved past him. He picked up his back as he walked to the desk and sat down. When he started taking books out, Dean spoke up.
“So, you’re just gonna pretend nothing happened?” Dean sat on Cas’ bed and saw Cas’ shoulders rise in a shrug. “And ignore me?” Cas dropped a book onto the desk and opened his notebook. Dean nodded. Fine, if he needed time to stew about this he would let him. “I’ll be downstairs if you need something.”
Dean stood and made his way to the kitchen. While he was looking through the fridge, he heard the front door open and close. He looked up to see Balthazar walking in his keys in hand. He nodded in greeting. “Hey.”
“Hey. What are you doing here?”
Dean closed the fridge door. “I’m just helping Cas with something.”
Balthazar nodded. “Good.” He looked up towards the stairs. “How is he?”
“What do you mean? Shouldn’t you know as well as me?”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m asking.” Balthazar huffed at Dean’s surprised face. “You think I’m blind Dean. I know something’s wrong with my brother. Do you know?”
Dean narrowed his eyes. “Know?”
“His little problem.”
“You already knew?”
Balthazar gave a bitter smile. “It’s not the first time Dean. Before you, who do you think helped him, or at least tried?”
“You?”
Balthazar nodded. “Despite my reputation Dean, I do genuinely care about my family. I really tried to help, but he wouldn’t let me. I hope you do better than I did.” Balthazar turned to leave.
“Hey,” he stopped and looked at Dean, “are you gonna be here this weekend?”
“No. It is Friday.” Balthazar shrugged and turned to go up to his room. Dean nodded. Good. That means he and Cas would probably be alone. He didn’t know where Anna was but if Balthazar hadn’t brought her back he assumed she was at a friend’s house.
A few hours had passed, Dean had eaten something he found in the fridge and watched a couple episodes of some stupid sitcoms. After Balthazar had left and the show he was currently watching ended, Dean headed back up to Cas. He found him typing intently on his laptop. He almost looked like himself again at first glance, but he soon saw the shaking fingers and the bloodshot eyes glowing in the computer light.
“Have you really been doing homework this whole time?” Dean shut the door behind him and sat where he had been a few hours ago. The typing stopped. “You know its Friday right?”
“I thought you were gone.” Cas sounded tired, really tired. Dean sat forward a little, trying to see his face.
“I told you, I’m not leaving.” The typing started up again. Cas sniffed a few times. “Anything I can get for you?”
Cas shook his head. “No.”
“Not even food?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Did you even eat lunch? I didn’t see you in the cafeteria.”
The typing stopped again. “No, I was busy.” Cas closed his laptop and turned to face Dean. He was surprised by the dark circles under his eyes. They seemed to have gotten worse. “Why are you still here? You threw out my stuff, what else can you do?”
“I can make sure the next couple of days aren’t as bad as they could be for you.” Cas closed his eyes briefly. He really looked horrible. “When was the last time you slept?”
Cas shrugged. “I don’t know,” he opened his drooping eyes, “Wednesday night for a couple hours.”
“Wednesday?” Dean shook his head. “You should sleep. It will only be worse for you if your already tired and cranky.”
“I know what to expect. I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, about that. When did you do this before?” Cas sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Why do you care?”
“Because,” Dean locked eyes with him, “I care about you. Regardless of what you think about our relationship, I do care a lot.”
Cas pursed his lips. “It was a few years ago. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did and I got better.”
“Who started you on this? No kid just comes up with the idea themselves.”
Cas bit his lip. He didn’t want to answer that. Dean could see him trying to come up with a lie. “Someone recommended them.”
“Who?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.”
“My dad.”
Dean raised his eyebrows. “Are you serious? What kind of parents did you have?”
Cas ran a hand over his face. He sniffed again and shook his head.
When Cas didn’t answer, Dean shifted on the bed slightly. “Balthazar told me that he tried to help you before.”
“He tried.” Cas gave a bitter laugh. “He wasn’t as stubborn as you. He caved pretty quick.”
“He’s your big brother Cas. I’m sure it was hard for him to see you that way.”
“He never should have had to.” Anger rose in his voice. “It’s not his job to take care of me.”
“Cas.”
“I could’ve handled it.”
“Like how you’re handling it now?”
“Yes!” Cas stood up. He wasn’t going anywhere but seemed to need to move. His hands seemed unable to stay still, they gripped tight and relaxed, ran over his face and hair, and pulled at his shirt.
Dean didn’t know what to do. He never was good at calming others down. Cas was chewing his nails and pacing in front of him. “So, you feel responsible for your whole family, and you get angry if someone tries to return the favor?” Cas ignored him. “Why is it your job and yours alone to take care of everyone?”
Cas stopped pacing and looked up feeling fresh tears forming. He really didn’t want to talk about this. “Dean,” he glanced at Dean, “don’t…”
“What?” Dean stood up. “Tell me.” He took a step toward Cas. “Why can’t someone take care of you for once?” Cas was twitching slightly and staring at his window, refusing to look at Dean.
Dean reached forward and laid a hand on the other boy’s arm. “Cas, look at me.”
When Cas didn’t move, Dean pushed him lightly to turn him around. His eyes still found anywhere to look other than Dean’s face. “You want to know what I think about you? What our relationship is to me?” Cas looked up briefly before closing his eyes and dropping his head.
“Cas, you are an amazing person. You are smart, strong, and so brave.” Cas’ lips tightened and trembled, he shook his head slightly. “I know you’re scared too. We’re all scared of the dark side of ourselves Cas. But you know what?” Dean grabbed Cas’ face and tilted is head up to look at him. Cas kept his eyes shut as tears streamed out. “You have been nothing but good for me.” Cas’ large blue eyes opened. He gave a confused look. “You’re not the only one with problems. There were times when I felt like giving up too. Times when I pushed everyone away because I thought I deserved to be alone. You have made me so happy the last month. I’ve had more fun with you than I have with anyone, ever.”
Cas shook his head again. “Don’t lie to me Dean. I’m not a baby.”
“I’m not lyin’. Cas,” Dean took another step closer, leaning his forehead on Cas’, “you have been a shining light for me. Whenever I had any dark thoughts, you showed up and made me smile and laugh. You’ve given me so much and you don’t even realize it. Please, let me help you now.”
Cas leaned his head forward and let out a quiet sob. He didn’t understand what Dean saw in him, but maybe he really did need his help. Overwhelmed with everything Dean had said, Cas brought his hands up and pulled Dean into a deep kiss. Cas stretched up to wrap his arms around the slightly taller boy’s neck. Dean wrapped his arms around his waist and held him tight.
He had missed this. For the past two weeks, Cas had been avoiding any contact with Dean. He was taking all he could get. He put a hand in Cas’ hair and pushed him harder into the kiss. Cas responded eagerly.
They broke apart momentarily for air. Cas held onto Dean’s shoulders and looked at him with wide emotional eyes. Dean wiped away the tears on his cheeks. He could still feel his body trembling against him. Cas stood on his toes and kissed Dean again. With a slight push, Dean fell into a sitting position at the end of Cas’ bed.
Before Dean could register what happened, Cas moved onto his lap and pulled him into another kiss. Dean ran his hands up Cas’ back and dragged his nails over the exposed skin above his shirt. Cas shivered and bit at Dean’s lip. He ran both hands through Dean’s hair and kissed him with a growing passion. Dean’s hands fell to Cas’ backside and he pulled him forward causing him to break the kiss. Dean’s head was now resting against Cas’ chest. He could feel the rapid heartbeat pounding beneath Cas’ shirt.
Dean looked up and met Cas’ eyes blown black with lust. Cas grabbed Dean’s shirt collar and pulled him into a fierce, possessive kiss. Dean felt his head spinning. He couldn’t move under Cas’ weight, but he wouldn’t if he could. He pulled the other boy’s shirt up, but only made it part way before Cas sat up and pushed Dean onto his back. He bounced against the mattress, followed quickly by Cas who immediately pressed his body against him.
Hot breath puffed against his neck as Cas kissed him and ran his teeth over the pulse in his neck. His voice was low and shaky, “Cas, you sure you want to do this right now?” Cas was still trembling from withdrawal and Dean could only imagine that it would get worse.
Cas slid his hands under Dean’s shirt in response, scraping his nails along his chest. Dean moaned and arched into him. “Yes.” He leaned down, he sounded out of breath. “I want you,” Cas whispered hotly in his ear, “to fuck me Dean.”
Dean let out a shaky breath. “Cas,” Dean turned to look into his eyes, “are you sure? We’ve never done that before.”
“Yes,” Cas dragged his nails down his sides again, “please.” They looked at each other for a moment. Cas needed a distraction. He knew what was going to happen to him and he needed to feel something again, something other than self-loathing and tension. He wanted to let go and just feel again. Dean saw this and could relate.
Dean pushed Cas up and flipped their positions. He pressed a hard kiss against Cas’ lips while pushing his legs open with his knees. Cas opened for him and pulled him down against him. Dean moved his hips against him, making both of them gasp with the feeling. His head fell to rest on Cas’ shoulder. Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair and kissed the side of his head. Dean turned his head to leave a light kiss on his neck before sitting up. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and threw it over his shoulder.
Cas put his hands on Dean’s now bare chest and admired the tight muscles there. Dean covered his hands with his own and pulled Cas up to a sitting position. Dean leaned in for a brief kiss before he pulled his shirt off, throwing it to land beside his. He let Cas’ hands go and Cas laid back down. Dean scooted down a little and kissed Cas’ flat stomach. He trailed up, hands matching his pace up his sides until he reached his neck. Once there, he kissed and nipped his neck and jaw while his hands massaged his chest, fingers lightly teasing his nipples.
Dean leaned up and appreciated the sight of a seriously worked up Cas. He hadn’t even finished everything he wanted and Cas was already losing it. He pushed up from the bed and met Dean in a demanding kiss that made Dean’s heart skip. Cas swiped his tongue over Dean’s lip. Dean let him in and sighed when Cas grabbed his hair tightly and ran his tongue along Dean’s. He pressed Cas back into the pillow under his head and fought for dominance.
Thrusting his hips into Cas was causing Dean to feel a tugging need to remove all of the clothing separating the two of them. Dean broke their kiss and opened Cas’ jeans. With a quick tug, the pants had been removed and thrown onto the floor. Dean quickly followed with his own pair. He then returned to Cas, kissing a sloppy line up his thigh. When he reached his boxers, he pressed his palm against him and rubbed the hardness there. Cas’ head fell back at the touch, moving his hips against Dean’s hand.
“Oh, Dean.” Cas’ voice was barely more than a whisper but Dean heard it and he definitely wanted to hear it again but louder. He slipped his fingers over the top of Cas’ boxers and pulled the thin fabric down and off. He quickly removed his own boxers. Dean laid over Cas, they met in a kiss. Their bodies pressed and rubbed together causing both boys to moan and pull the other closer. Cas shifted to lift his legs around Dean’s hips. Their erections met and both cried out, grinding into each other.
Dean reached between them and took both of them in hand and pumped his hand. Cas cried out threw his head back. Dean grunted and leaned down to take advantage of Cas’ bared neck. He kept his hand moving, feeling the hot pleasure boiling inside him. It wasn’t enough though, he needed more of Cas who was now gripping his sheet with one hand while the other was digging into Dean’s back.
“Dean,” Cas practically growled his name making him groan a little, “just do it already.”
Dean stopped is hand and let them go. He nodded and gave Cas a questioning look. As if reading his mind, Cas reached a hand out toward the drawer beside the bed. Dean leaned over him and dug his hand in the shelf and found a tube of lube and a condom. He left the condom on the desk for now and sat up with the lube in hand.
He looked back at Cas. “Finger.” Dean nodded and popped the tube open and put some on a couple of his fingers. He set it beside him on the bed and moved down to Cas’ hips. Dean had never done this before. He knew some of what was involved but he didn’t want to hurt Cas.
“Tell me if it hurts okay?” Cas nodded. Dean ran his slicked finger over Cas’ opening, lightly at first. Cas closed his eyes and bit his lip. Dean circled him putting a little more pressure on him now. Slowly he pushes in his finger. Cas made a noise in his throat, almost identical to the one Dean made at the feeling of Cas being so tight around his finger. He couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like thrusting into that.
He moved his finger in and out slowly responding to the noises Cas was making. “Yeah Dean, just like that.” Dean curved his finger a little and hit his prostate, making Cas let out a surprised noise that turned into a moan. Just to hear that again, Dean pushed that spot again. Cas was a little louder. “Dean. Another.”
Dean coated two fingers up quickly and pushed back into Cas. He worked him open slowly, making sure to hit his prostate over and over. Cas’ moans growing in volume and intensity. He had taken himself in hand and was moving at the pace Dean was setting with his fingers. Without being told, Dean added another wanting to see Cas lose it completely. Cas was pushing against Dean’s fingers and moaning loudly. Dean wasn’t sure how he hadn’t touched himself yet, but he could wait.
“Okay, Dean I’m good.” Cas sounded like he had ran for hours and couldn’t catch his breath.
Dean pulled his fingers free and grabbed the condom off the desk. With shaking hands, he put it on and used the lube to make sure he was ready. He shifted closer on his knees and pulled Cas’ hips closer. Cas wrapped his legs around him. “You okay?” Cas nodded. Dean pushed in slowly, his eyes closing at the tightness. Cas groaned and tried to push onto Dean but Dean stopped. “Easy Cas. This isn’t a race.”
Cas obviously didn’t like that response. He pulled his legs in tighter, pulling Dean forward and pushed his hips forward in a hard thrust. Both boys let out a shout at the feeling. It hurt a little but Cas didn’t care. Soon he was rolling his hips against Dean, who met him with every push.
Dean fell forward, kissing Cas as he moved in and out. Cas grabbed Dean’s hips and pulled him into every thrust. Soon both boys were short of breath and moaning each other’s names into sloppy kisses. They had a rhythm now and both could feel their end coming soon. Dean reached down and matched his pace with his hand helping Cas go over the edge. He was arching against the bed moaning with every move.
With all the noises Cas was making and the pressing heat around him, Dean was about to snap. His pace quickened, causing Cas to move up the bed a little. He pounded Cas’ prostate with each thrust.
“Dean!” Cas reached for a handful of Dean’s hair. He held on tight as Dean pushed him more and more, until finally he felt his body tighten and release. With a shout of Dean’s name, he came, stars clouding his vision. For a brief moment, nothing else mattered. He forgot his problems and pain, all he felt was pleasure and Dean.
Dean had been pushed over the edge by Cas tightening around him from his own orgasm. He pulled Cas close and both held each other tight as their bodies rode out their release. Hot breath and sweat was all the two could register at the moment.
Cas must have dozed off for a minute because the next thing he knew Dean was lying next to him with his covers pulled up over both of them. It was then that his exhaustion really hit him. He needed sleep but he had to say something first. “Dean.”
“Yeah?”
“What I said about you earlier, about this being your fault and how you bring out the worst in me…I didn’t mean it.”
“I know.” Dean pulled Cas over to lean against him. “Just sleep Cas. We can talk tomorrow.”
Cas nodded and fell asleep with Dean’s arm around him.
THE END
Rating: NC-17
Genre: High School AU
Pairing and Characters: Dean/Cas, Balthazar
Spoilers: Nothing really, it's an AU.
Warnings: (some past)Drug use, some withdrawal situations (I guess), sex?
Word Count: ~5,500
Summary: Sequel to Chemistry/Bad Influence. You should read those before this one (if you want the set up for this one). Chemistry is here:http://pelagia911.livejournal.com/5510.html.
A month has passed since Castiel's snap at the party with Uriel but something with his behavior is bothering Dean. He is shocked to discover what is causing Castiel's change. Will Castiel accept
his help or finally push him away for good?
Something was wrong. Dean could see it right away. Cas seemed jittery and anxious all the time. He was chewing his pens and pencils more than usual, he had even taken to chewing his nails, and they were talking less and less. Cas always had some reason to leave or he would just disappear. During the few times they did talk, Cas would snap at Dean over little things for no reason. He would immediately apologize and say he was tired or just having a bad day but Dean didn’t buy that for a second.
A month had passed since the party so Dean knew it wasn’t about that. After two weeks of this, Dean had had enough. He would find out what was happening no matter what it took.
After Chemistry, Dean had to practically run down the hallway to catch up to Cas who had blown right past him. Cas was at his locker when Dean finally caught him. Dean stood behind him.
“Hey Cas.”
“Hey.” He sounded distracted as he traded out books and grabbed his bag. Dean then noticed how his hands were trembling slightly.
“You alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Cas put a few books in his bag and threw it over his shoulder before closing his locker door. “Sorry Dean,” he lifted his eyes to the locker, “I’m really busy. I need to get home.” Without waiting for an answer, Cas turned to leave.
“Good,” Cas stopped, “I’ll drive you.”
“No don’t worry about it.” Cas started down the hallway with Dean following.
“I wasn’t asking.” Dean reached out to take his arm but Cas slipped out of his hand. Dean instead took a hold of his bag’s strap and stopped him with a jerk. He pulled him closer and turned him around to face him. “I’m taking you home. I want to talk to you.”
Cas sighed and rubbed his forehead with a shaking hand. Dean saw the dark circles under his eyes when he dropped his hand. “Dean…”
“No arguments.” Dean cut him off, his hand still holding tight to his bag strap. “Come on.” Dean pulled Cas out by his strap against his protests of not being a dog.
The drive to Cas’ house made Dean even more nervous. Cas was looking out the window like he was expecting someone to jump at the car while tapping his fingers against his bag.
They pulled into the driveway. “Thanks for the ride Dean.” Cas opened the car door. Dean shut off the engine.
“We’re not done yet.” Cas was standing beside the car. Dean stood and waited for Cas to go to the door. When he did finally move, Dean was right behind him. With unsteady hands, Cas unlocked the front door and stepped inside the house. He moved quickly toward the staircase removing his bag as he went.
Cas threw his bag on his bed as Dean walked through the doorway. Cas rubbed the back of his neck.
“Cas,” Dean closed the door behind him, “what’s going on with you?”
“What do you mean?” Cas was still facing away from Dean. He saw Cas’ fists clenching and unclenching.
“You know what I mean.” Dean took a step closer to Cas. “You’ve been on edge for weeks, ignoring me, practically eating any writing utensil in sight.” Dean sighed. “I know something is wrong. Talk to me.” Cas stood quietly. “Whatever the problem is, I could help you.” When Cas still made no move, Dean reached forward and flipped Cas around by his arm. “Cas…”
Cas turned easy in his grip, but his muscles tightened in Dean’s grip. With a snarl, Cas pulled his arm free and shoved Dean back a few steps. Shocked, Dean stared at Cas for a moment. His eyes were shifting quickly and he seemed to be trembling with irritation.
“Cas, what’s wrong?” Cas closed his eyes. Dean moved forward again.
Cas’ eyes snapped open. “Stay there.” Cas put a hand up.
“What is it? Obviously there’s a problem. Why won’t you let me help you?”
“I don’t need your help Dean!” Cas yelled at Dean, his eyes going wide with frustration. “Nothing is wrong! I’m fine!” He took a shaky breath before his eyes narrowed a little. “I know it’s hard for you to understand,” his voice was now seething, “but my world doesn’t revolve around you. I can survive without you.”
Dean felt like he had been punched. He shook his head. “This isn’t you Cas.”
Cas rolled is eyes. “Why? Because I told you what you don’t want to hear. Let’s be honest Dean,” Cas moved closer to Dean, right up into his personal space, “what we have…was fun, physical nothing more.”
Dean closed his eyes and shook his head again. “Cas, that’s not true.”
“Come on. Tell me truthfully how many real relationships you’ve had.” Cas waited and when Dean didn’t answer he nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
“You’re different Cas.”
Cas laughed. “I’m sure you told them that too.” Cas backed away, “Don’t worry Dean. I’m a big boy. I’m okay with what we had. Stop pretending it was more and just leave.”
“Cas…”
“LEAVE!”
“Fine.” Dean turned to grab the door, his foot bumped into the desk beside him and Dean heard something shake inside that made him stop. He knew that sound. He glanced back at Cas who had frozen and was wide eyed with fear now. Dean stepped over to the desk and opened the top drawer.
“Dean don’t.” Cas ran over and grabbed Dean’s arm but let go when Dean picked up the bottle he found there. Dean looked at the prescription bottle full of pills, the label was gone.
Dean turned with unbelieving eyes. “Cas, what is this?” Cas was chewing his bottom lip. “Cas!”
“It’s none of your concern.” Cas reached forward to grab the bottle back. Dean lifted them up out of his reach.
“What are these? Is this what’s making you act so weird?”
“No, they help me.” Cas had stopped trying to reach the bottle and was running is hands through his hair. “Dean, please,” he held his hand out, “I need them.” His eyes were pleading and it tugged at Dean’s heart, but he shook his head.
“No Cas.”
“Please.” Cas looked like he might cry.
“Where did you even get these?”
Cas sniffed. “You don’t know me Dean. I don’t think you want to either.”
He guessed that Cas left the pills here because he couldn’t risk getting caught with them at school. “What were you thinking? Did you think no one would notice?”
“You don’t understand.”
“No,” Dean shook the bottle as his hands flailed around him, “I really don’t Cas. Help me understand why you think you need this crap.”
“They help me with stress and they make me able to focus and get stuff done.”
“Cas, these pills might make you think your better off, but you know what I see? A weak, moody, addict who is being ruled by this,” Dean shook the bottle in front of his face, “they’re anything but helpful.”
“Yes they are. You don’t know what it’s like. The pressure I’m under to be perfect. In school, from my siblings, my dad. I run this household Dean. If I slip up, everything goes to Hell. I can’t make any mistakes.” Cas was shaking. Dean wanted to just hug him and do anything to make him feel better, but that’s not what he needed right now.
“You’re right Cas. I don’t know what that’s like, but I do know that these won’t make it better. One day you’ll run out or they won’t be enough and you’ll turn into someone who can’t help themselves let alone anyone else. You don’t know what these will do to you.”
Cas bit his lip. “Yes I do. You act like this is the first time I’ve used them.”
Dean’s eyes widened. “What?”
“It was a while back but I’ve needed help before. When I feel ready I’ll stop.” Cas reached a hand out. “Just give them to me.”
“No.” Dean moved toward the door. “I’m getting rid of them.”
“Dean, no!” Cas jumped forward in an attempt to stop him but Dean was already out the door and heading down the hall to the bathroom.
Dean twisted the bottle cap off and had every intention of flushing all the pills but Cas busted into the room and grabbed his arms. “Dean, please stop.” Cas pulled Dean back and boy boys stumbled into the sink. Dean twisted out of Cas’ grip and tried to push him back. Cas was pulling at Dean’s hands which held the pills. They fought for a moment, bouncing off of the sink and walls before ending up with Cas against the door. Dean pinned his hands above his head. Cas was baring his teeth and trying to push Dean back.
“Cas, stop.” Dean pushed his hips forward, forcing Cas to still. “Stop.” He lowered his voice in an attempt to calm him down. “I’m trying to help you. Let me help you.”
Cas’ head fell back against the door. He looked lost and sad. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. Dean felt his body relax against him. He released his wrists and took a step back. Cas watched Dean turn back and empty the bottle of pills into the toilet and flush them away.
Dean threw the bottle into the trash bin beside the toilet and turned back to face Cas. Cas was leaning on the door with a hurt look on his face. Both boys stood in silence for a minute. Dean was still trying to understand why Cas would do this. Cas looked close to tears now. He moved a little closer. He wanted to do and say so many things but he couldn’t decide what he thought would be best. “Cas, what triggered all this?” Cas sighed and looked up at the ceiling with tears forming in his eyes. “And don’t say school or your family. You’ve been dealing with those things your whole life. It was something else.”
Cas let out a quiet laugh. “It was you Dean.”
“What? How?”
Cas shifted his feet but continued looking up. “You remember what I said at the party before we left?” Dean nodded. “How I was scared of what was inside me? All the rage and violence that could snap at any time?” Cas paused and closed his eyes. His lips tightened. “After that night,” Cas opened his eyes to look at Dean, “it was so much worse.” Tears formed and fell from his eyes. “I was scared Dean. You tend to bring out the worst in me.”
“The worst? How can you say that? What did I do that was so horrible?” Dean felt like Cas had ripped out his heart. He thought they had been good for each other. For Cas to say he brought out the worst in him hurt him more than he thought it could.
“You made me do things I haven’t done in a long time. Things I shouldn’t have done.”
“Like what? I didn’t make you fight.”
“No you didn’t. But you dragged me there, I fought for you. You made me want to do something like hurt Uriel beyond what I did. You made me want to piss off my brother. You made me want to late for class so we could be together in the closet or the bathroom. I didn’t care. Not only did I do them, I wanted to. I know you didn’t know what you were really doing to me, but I was scared.”
“Why Cas? All I did was try to make you relax. Loosen up a little bit. What’s so wrong with that?”
“It’s not who I am, not anymore, not since…” Cas stopped and wiped the tears from his face. He stood up straighter against the door and gave Dean a blank look. “I like to be in control of myself. With you I don’t think I could and that scares me.”
“So you thought those pills gave you some control?” Cas nodded. “You know that’s crap right? Those pills controlled you, not the other way around. You’re smart enough to know that Cas.”
Cas nodded as fresh tears fell. “I know. I didn’t know what else to do.” His voice was small and quiet now. So much of a contrast from what Dean had known from Cas when they first met.
“You could’ve come to me. Even though you think I’m the problem.” Cas nodded and looked down at his feet. Dean took a deep breath and tried to process everything that was happening. He had not expected this big of a problem when he confronted Cas. “Let’s get out of here.” Dean gestured toward the door. Cas nodded and turned to open the door.
They walked back into Cas’ room. Cas moved his bag off the bed and sat on the edge. He looked like someone had died. Dean still felt the urge to comfort him but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “You won’t tell anybody will you?” Cas was staring at the carpet.
“I don’t know. I feel like I should tell someone.”
Cas looked up in horror. “Please Dean don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t.” Cas relaxed. “But I’m not leaving you either. Not until you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“Bull. Cas, I just threw out a bottle of pills you’ve been using for a couple weeks. You’re not gonna feel fine for a couple days.” Cas was glaring at him.
“Please just leave. You’ve done enough.”
“No,” Dean moved to almost stand over Cas, “no way in Hell.” They both stared each other down. Cas finally broke the stare.
“Fine.” He stood up and pushed Dean back and moved past him. He picked up his back as he walked to the desk and sat down. When he started taking books out, Dean spoke up.
“So, you’re just gonna pretend nothing happened?” Dean sat on Cas’ bed and saw Cas’ shoulders rise in a shrug. “And ignore me?” Cas dropped a book onto the desk and opened his notebook. Dean nodded. Fine, if he needed time to stew about this he would let him. “I’ll be downstairs if you need something.”
Dean stood and made his way to the kitchen. While he was looking through the fridge, he heard the front door open and close. He looked up to see Balthazar walking in his keys in hand. He nodded in greeting. “Hey.”
“Hey. What are you doing here?”
Dean closed the fridge door. “I’m just helping Cas with something.”
Balthazar nodded. “Good.” He looked up towards the stairs. “How is he?”
“What do you mean? Shouldn’t you know as well as me?”
“Yeah, that’s why I’m asking.” Balthazar huffed at Dean’s surprised face. “You think I’m blind Dean. I know something’s wrong with my brother. Do you know?”
Dean narrowed his eyes. “Know?”
“His little problem.”
“You already knew?”
Balthazar gave a bitter smile. “It’s not the first time Dean. Before you, who do you think helped him, or at least tried?”
“You?”
Balthazar nodded. “Despite my reputation Dean, I do genuinely care about my family. I really tried to help, but he wouldn’t let me. I hope you do better than I did.” Balthazar turned to leave.
“Hey,” he stopped and looked at Dean, “are you gonna be here this weekend?”
“No. It is Friday.” Balthazar shrugged and turned to go up to his room. Dean nodded. Good. That means he and Cas would probably be alone. He didn’t know where Anna was but if Balthazar hadn’t brought her back he assumed she was at a friend’s house.
A few hours had passed, Dean had eaten something he found in the fridge and watched a couple episodes of some stupid sitcoms. After Balthazar had left and the show he was currently watching ended, Dean headed back up to Cas. He found him typing intently on his laptop. He almost looked like himself again at first glance, but he soon saw the shaking fingers and the bloodshot eyes glowing in the computer light.
“Have you really been doing homework this whole time?” Dean shut the door behind him and sat where he had been a few hours ago. The typing stopped. “You know its Friday right?”
“I thought you were gone.” Cas sounded tired, really tired. Dean sat forward a little, trying to see his face.
“I told you, I’m not leaving.” The typing started up again. Cas sniffed a few times. “Anything I can get for you?”
Cas shook his head. “No.”
“Not even food?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Did you even eat lunch? I didn’t see you in the cafeteria.”
The typing stopped again. “No, I was busy.” Cas closed his laptop and turned to face Dean. He was surprised by the dark circles under his eyes. They seemed to have gotten worse. “Why are you still here? You threw out my stuff, what else can you do?”
“I can make sure the next couple of days aren’t as bad as they could be for you.” Cas closed his eyes briefly. He really looked horrible. “When was the last time you slept?”
Cas shrugged. “I don’t know,” he opened his drooping eyes, “Wednesday night for a couple hours.”
“Wednesday?” Dean shook his head. “You should sleep. It will only be worse for you if your already tired and cranky.”
“I know what to expect. I’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, about that. When did you do this before?” Cas sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Why do you care?”
“Because,” Dean locked eyes with him, “I care about you. Regardless of what you think about our relationship, I do care a lot.”
Cas pursed his lips. “It was a few years ago. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did and I got better.”
“Who started you on this? No kid just comes up with the idea themselves.”
Cas bit his lip. He didn’t want to answer that. Dean could see him trying to come up with a lie. “Someone recommended them.”
“Who?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.”
“My dad.”
Dean raised his eyebrows. “Are you serious? What kind of parents did you have?”
Cas ran a hand over his face. He sniffed again and shook his head.
When Cas didn’t answer, Dean shifted on the bed slightly. “Balthazar told me that he tried to help you before.”
“He tried.” Cas gave a bitter laugh. “He wasn’t as stubborn as you. He caved pretty quick.”
“He’s your big brother Cas. I’m sure it was hard for him to see you that way.”
“He never should have had to.” Anger rose in his voice. “It’s not his job to take care of me.”
“Cas.”
“I could’ve handled it.”
“Like how you’re handling it now?”
“Yes!” Cas stood up. He wasn’t going anywhere but seemed to need to move. His hands seemed unable to stay still, they gripped tight and relaxed, ran over his face and hair, and pulled at his shirt.
Dean didn’t know what to do. He never was good at calming others down. Cas was chewing his nails and pacing in front of him. “So, you feel responsible for your whole family, and you get angry if someone tries to return the favor?” Cas ignored him. “Why is it your job and yours alone to take care of everyone?”
Cas stopped pacing and looked up feeling fresh tears forming. He really didn’t want to talk about this. “Dean,” he glanced at Dean, “don’t…”
“What?” Dean stood up. “Tell me.” He took a step toward Cas. “Why can’t someone take care of you for once?” Cas was twitching slightly and staring at his window, refusing to look at Dean.
Dean reached forward and laid a hand on the other boy’s arm. “Cas, look at me.”
When Cas didn’t move, Dean pushed him lightly to turn him around. His eyes still found anywhere to look other than Dean’s face. “You want to know what I think about you? What our relationship is to me?” Cas looked up briefly before closing his eyes and dropping his head.
“Cas, you are an amazing person. You are smart, strong, and so brave.” Cas’ lips tightened and trembled, he shook his head slightly. “I know you’re scared too. We’re all scared of the dark side of ourselves Cas. But you know what?” Dean grabbed Cas’ face and tilted is head up to look at him. Cas kept his eyes shut as tears streamed out. “You have been nothing but good for me.” Cas’ large blue eyes opened. He gave a confused look. “You’re not the only one with problems. There were times when I felt like giving up too. Times when I pushed everyone away because I thought I deserved to be alone. You have made me so happy the last month. I’ve had more fun with you than I have with anyone, ever.”
Cas shook his head again. “Don’t lie to me Dean. I’m not a baby.”
“I’m not lyin’. Cas,” Dean took another step closer, leaning his forehead on Cas’, “you have been a shining light for me. Whenever I had any dark thoughts, you showed up and made me smile and laugh. You’ve given me so much and you don’t even realize it. Please, let me help you now.”
Cas leaned his head forward and let out a quiet sob. He didn’t understand what Dean saw in him, but maybe he really did need his help. Overwhelmed with everything Dean had said, Cas brought his hands up and pulled Dean into a deep kiss. Cas stretched up to wrap his arms around the slightly taller boy’s neck. Dean wrapped his arms around his waist and held him tight.
He had missed this. For the past two weeks, Cas had been avoiding any contact with Dean. He was taking all he could get. He put a hand in Cas’ hair and pushed him harder into the kiss. Cas responded eagerly.
They broke apart momentarily for air. Cas held onto Dean’s shoulders and looked at him with wide emotional eyes. Dean wiped away the tears on his cheeks. He could still feel his body trembling against him. Cas stood on his toes and kissed Dean again. With a slight push, Dean fell into a sitting position at the end of Cas’ bed.
Before Dean could register what happened, Cas moved onto his lap and pulled him into another kiss. Dean ran his hands up Cas’ back and dragged his nails over the exposed skin above his shirt. Cas shivered and bit at Dean’s lip. He ran both hands through Dean’s hair and kissed him with a growing passion. Dean’s hands fell to Cas’ backside and he pulled him forward causing him to break the kiss. Dean’s head was now resting against Cas’ chest. He could feel the rapid heartbeat pounding beneath Cas’ shirt.
Dean looked up and met Cas’ eyes blown black with lust. Cas grabbed Dean’s shirt collar and pulled him into a fierce, possessive kiss. Dean felt his head spinning. He couldn’t move under Cas’ weight, but he wouldn’t if he could. He pulled the other boy’s shirt up, but only made it part way before Cas sat up and pushed Dean onto his back. He bounced against the mattress, followed quickly by Cas who immediately pressed his body against him.
Hot breath puffed against his neck as Cas kissed him and ran his teeth over the pulse in his neck. His voice was low and shaky, “Cas, you sure you want to do this right now?” Cas was still trembling from withdrawal and Dean could only imagine that it would get worse.
Cas slid his hands under Dean’s shirt in response, scraping his nails along his chest. Dean moaned and arched into him. “Yes.” He leaned down, he sounded out of breath. “I want you,” Cas whispered hotly in his ear, “to fuck me Dean.”
Dean let out a shaky breath. “Cas,” Dean turned to look into his eyes, “are you sure? We’ve never done that before.”
“Yes,” Cas dragged his nails down his sides again, “please.” They looked at each other for a moment. Cas needed a distraction. He knew what was going to happen to him and he needed to feel something again, something other than self-loathing and tension. He wanted to let go and just feel again. Dean saw this and could relate.
Dean pushed Cas up and flipped their positions. He pressed a hard kiss against Cas’ lips while pushing his legs open with his knees. Cas opened for him and pulled him down against him. Dean moved his hips against him, making both of them gasp with the feeling. His head fell to rest on Cas’ shoulder. Cas ran his fingers through Dean’s hair and kissed the side of his head. Dean turned his head to leave a light kiss on his neck before sitting up. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and threw it over his shoulder.
Cas put his hands on Dean’s now bare chest and admired the tight muscles there. Dean covered his hands with his own and pulled Cas up to a sitting position. Dean leaned in for a brief kiss before he pulled his shirt off, throwing it to land beside his. He let Cas’ hands go and Cas laid back down. Dean scooted down a little and kissed Cas’ flat stomach. He trailed up, hands matching his pace up his sides until he reached his neck. Once there, he kissed and nipped his neck and jaw while his hands massaged his chest, fingers lightly teasing his nipples.
Dean leaned up and appreciated the sight of a seriously worked up Cas. He hadn’t even finished everything he wanted and Cas was already losing it. He pushed up from the bed and met Dean in a demanding kiss that made Dean’s heart skip. Cas swiped his tongue over Dean’s lip. Dean let him in and sighed when Cas grabbed his hair tightly and ran his tongue along Dean’s. He pressed Cas back into the pillow under his head and fought for dominance.
Thrusting his hips into Cas was causing Dean to feel a tugging need to remove all of the clothing separating the two of them. Dean broke their kiss and opened Cas’ jeans. With a quick tug, the pants had been removed and thrown onto the floor. Dean quickly followed with his own pair. He then returned to Cas, kissing a sloppy line up his thigh. When he reached his boxers, he pressed his palm against him and rubbed the hardness there. Cas’ head fell back at the touch, moving his hips against Dean’s hand.
“Oh, Dean.” Cas’ voice was barely more than a whisper but Dean heard it and he definitely wanted to hear it again but louder. He slipped his fingers over the top of Cas’ boxers and pulled the thin fabric down and off. He quickly removed his own boxers. Dean laid over Cas, they met in a kiss. Their bodies pressed and rubbed together causing both boys to moan and pull the other closer. Cas shifted to lift his legs around Dean’s hips. Their erections met and both cried out, grinding into each other.
Dean reached between them and took both of them in hand and pumped his hand. Cas cried out threw his head back. Dean grunted and leaned down to take advantage of Cas’ bared neck. He kept his hand moving, feeling the hot pleasure boiling inside him. It wasn’t enough though, he needed more of Cas who was now gripping his sheet with one hand while the other was digging into Dean’s back.
“Dean,” Cas practically growled his name making him groan a little, “just do it already.”
Dean stopped is hand and let them go. He nodded and gave Cas a questioning look. As if reading his mind, Cas reached a hand out toward the drawer beside the bed. Dean leaned over him and dug his hand in the shelf and found a tube of lube and a condom. He left the condom on the desk for now and sat up with the lube in hand.
He looked back at Cas. “Finger.” Dean nodded and popped the tube open and put some on a couple of his fingers. He set it beside him on the bed and moved down to Cas’ hips. Dean had never done this before. He knew some of what was involved but he didn’t want to hurt Cas.
“Tell me if it hurts okay?” Cas nodded. Dean ran his slicked finger over Cas’ opening, lightly at first. Cas closed his eyes and bit his lip. Dean circled him putting a little more pressure on him now. Slowly he pushes in his finger. Cas made a noise in his throat, almost identical to the one Dean made at the feeling of Cas being so tight around his finger. He couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like thrusting into that.
He moved his finger in and out slowly responding to the noises Cas was making. “Yeah Dean, just like that.” Dean curved his finger a little and hit his prostate, making Cas let out a surprised noise that turned into a moan. Just to hear that again, Dean pushed that spot again. Cas was a little louder. “Dean. Another.”
Dean coated two fingers up quickly and pushed back into Cas. He worked him open slowly, making sure to hit his prostate over and over. Cas’ moans growing in volume and intensity. He had taken himself in hand and was moving at the pace Dean was setting with his fingers. Without being told, Dean added another wanting to see Cas lose it completely. Cas was pushing against Dean’s fingers and moaning loudly. Dean wasn’t sure how he hadn’t touched himself yet, but he could wait.
“Okay, Dean I’m good.” Cas sounded like he had ran for hours and couldn’t catch his breath.
Dean pulled his fingers free and grabbed the condom off the desk. With shaking hands, he put it on and used the lube to make sure he was ready. He shifted closer on his knees and pulled Cas’ hips closer. Cas wrapped his legs around him. “You okay?” Cas nodded. Dean pushed in slowly, his eyes closing at the tightness. Cas groaned and tried to push onto Dean but Dean stopped. “Easy Cas. This isn’t a race.”
Cas obviously didn’t like that response. He pulled his legs in tighter, pulling Dean forward and pushed his hips forward in a hard thrust. Both boys let out a shout at the feeling. It hurt a little but Cas didn’t care. Soon he was rolling his hips against Dean, who met him with every push.
Dean fell forward, kissing Cas as he moved in and out. Cas grabbed Dean’s hips and pulled him into every thrust. Soon both boys were short of breath and moaning each other’s names into sloppy kisses. They had a rhythm now and both could feel their end coming soon. Dean reached down and matched his pace with his hand helping Cas go over the edge. He was arching against the bed moaning with every move.
With all the noises Cas was making and the pressing heat around him, Dean was about to snap. His pace quickened, causing Cas to move up the bed a little. He pounded Cas’ prostate with each thrust.
“Dean!” Cas reached for a handful of Dean’s hair. He held on tight as Dean pushed him more and more, until finally he felt his body tighten and release. With a shout of Dean’s name, he came, stars clouding his vision. For a brief moment, nothing else mattered. He forgot his problems and pain, all he felt was pleasure and Dean.
Dean had been pushed over the edge by Cas tightening around him from his own orgasm. He pulled Cas close and both held each other tight as their bodies rode out their release. Hot breath and sweat was all the two could register at the moment.
Cas must have dozed off for a minute because the next thing he knew Dean was lying next to him with his covers pulled up over both of them. It was then that his exhaustion really hit him. He needed sleep but he had to say something first. “Dean.”
“Yeah?”
“What I said about you earlier, about this being your fault and how you bring out the worst in me…I didn’t mean it.”
“I know.” Dean pulled Cas over to lean against him. “Just sleep Cas. We can talk tomorrow.”
Cas nodded and fell asleep with Dean’s arm around him.
THE END