Missing Pictures 1.1/?
Title: Missing Pictures 1.1/?
Rating: PG
Pairings and Characters: Dean/Castiel, Sam, Jessica, Mary, Bobby, Ellen,
Spoilers/Warnings: none i can think of
Word Count: ~6,900 (this chapter split for length)
Summary: A car accident leaves Dean and Castiel in bad shape, but when Castiel wakes up three months later with no memory of his life, Dean has to adjust and decide how much to tell Castiel and how much to leave him to learn again.
It was all his fault. He had been the one pushing Castiel to do it that night. Castiel wanted to wait to plan something bigger, but Dean wanted to rush to the courthouse and do it now. He figured ten years had been long enough to wait. Now he would give anything to give Castiel one more day to plan a party for their wedding. They were on their way downtown when a semi ran a red light and crushed into the side of his car, Castiel’s side.
When Dean woke up, it had been two days since the crash and his brother’s face was the first thing he saw. “Dean,” Sam leaned over his bed, a wide grin on his face, “you’re awake.”
“Obviously.” His throat cracked and his voice broke painfully, making him cough.
“Here,” Sam handed him a cup of water with a straw, “they said your throat would probably be sore.”
Grabbing for the cup, Dean finally felt the pain of his broken fingers and seriously banged up arms. He sipped some water and eased the scratching in his throat. He could tell his lips and one eye were swollen. “Where’s Cas?” Sam’s small smile fell. “Sam?”
“He’s alive.” Sam reassured him quickly. “But, he’s not awake yet. Jess and mom are checking on him now.”
Dean’s heart rate increased as the fear of losing Castiel surfaced. “He’ll be okay though, right?”
He saw his brother hesitate. “Yeah, of course. I should,” he stood and put a hand on Dean’s bed, “go tell the girls that you’re up. I’ll be right back.”
Dean nodded as Sam left. In the silence, he was able to feel his other injuries. His head was throbbing, at least one knee had to be badly bruised if not broken, his right arm was in a cast, and his nose felt crooked. Castiel had been on the side the truck hit, he couldn’t imagine the shape he was in.
He suddenly felt sick thinking about the accident and how he felt responsible for what happened. Neither one of them would’ve been out if he hadn’t pushed it so hard. He couldn’t even begin to mourn over how destroyed his car had to be before Sam and company showed up.
“Dean!” His mother rushed to the bed and grabbed his hand, careful to avoid his broken fingers. “I would hug you…” she let the sentence die before smiling with tears in her eyes.
He couldn’t fight back the tears as his mom let them fall freely. The tears burned his injured eye. He wiped them away and tried to laugh, “Come on, did you really think one stupid driver could get rid of me?” They all smiled.
“That’s not funny, Dean.” Sam shook his head.
A knock on the door was their only warning before a nurse entered the room. “Hello.” She walked in slowly, holding a chart and smiling. “Welcome back, Dean. How do you feel?” She moved to stand next to his bed as everyone else backed away to give her room.
“I’ve been better,” Dean looked closer at her nametag, “Carmen.” He gave her a smile.
“I’m sure.” She wrote something on her chart and returned the smile. “Any extreme pain or soreness?”
Dean shrugged. “My head is a little sore, but I figure that’s normal.”
“Okay.” She wrote more on the chart before looking up. “I’ll get you some more meds for your head and check on you later.”
“Sounds great.”
She was on her way out when Sam stopped her. “How soon do you think he’ll be released?”
Carmen thought for a moment. “We’ll have to keep him at least one more day for observation. He does have head trauma we need to make sure isn’t more serious, but if everything goes alright, he should be released tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” Sam sighed and smiled. “That’s great, Dean.”
“Yeah.” He picked at his IVs absently. “I guess.” He didn’t want to ask, but he needed to know. “What’s the damage with Cas? And don’t lie to me.” He added as his mom shook her head. The three of them looked at each other worriedly. “See, that doesn’t help.”
“I’ll go get everyone some coffee.” Jessica, Sam’s wife, grabbed his arm gently before leaving for the cafeteria.
Sam pulled a chair closer to the bed for Mary and sat beside his mom. “He’s down the hall. Obviously, his injuries are more extensive, but the doctors are hopeful that he’ll wake up soon.”
“Sam,” Dean knew that Sam was able to rant endlessly, being a lawyer, but he didn’t need that right now, “just tell me.”
He nodded and licked his lips. “There’s a lot of head trauma, maybe some brain damage. They won’t know fully until he wakes up.” He paused briefly. “If he wakes up.”
Dean felt tears welling up again, but he held them back. “What do you mean, if?”
“He’s in a coma. They’re not sure if he will wake up. He’s not on life support yet but he isn’t getting better.”
“Is he getting worse?”
“No, but it’s only been a couple days.” Mary dropped her head next to Sam and started crying again. Sam put his arm around her. “He also has a broken leg and arm, and there was some internal bleeding when they brought him in. He’s been in and out of surgery a couple times already.”
“He’ll wake up.” Dean blinked quickly a few times as tears burned him again. “He has to.” Jessica walked back in with three coffees. “I want to see him.”
“They don’t want you walking around, Dean. Your knee is pretty bad and crutches wouldn’t really work with your hand and arm.”
“Then get a damn wheelchair or something!” He was shaking in anger and fear. If Castiel didn’t survive, Dean would never forgive himself.
“I’ll see if that’s okay.” Jessica worked at the hospital so she knew who to talk to for anything.
“Honey,” his mom reached over for his hand again, “I’m so glad you’re okay. I need to go call your father.” She stood and followed Jessica out.
“Dad and Bobby are working on fixing the car.” Sam sipped his coffee.
“How bad is it?” He groaned, not knowing if he wanted to hear the answer.
“It’s bad. Any sane person would have called it done and sold the parts.”
“Dammit. Of course, Dad and Bobby aren’t sane so it’ll be okay.” They sat quietly and listened to the beeping of the machinery. He leaned back into his pillow. “Sam, this is my fault.”
Sam furrowed his brows. “What? Dean, no it isn’t. It’s not even close to being your fault. Your light was green, you were doing the speed limit. The other guy ran the light going way too fast and I made sure he got the worst sentence possible.”
Dean couldn’t help but smile as Sam got defensive. He had just started working at a law firm in the city a few months before, having just graduated from Stanford. “Good. But, you’re wrong. It’s my fault that Cas is in that room.”
“Dean, come on…”
“He didn’t want to get married that day.”
“What?”
“He kept telling me to wait. He wanted to get a place to hold a reception and have the whole party thing and I pushed him until he gave in. It was because of me that we were driving. If I had just listened, we would be having a dance right now as a married couple.”
Sam hadn’t known about any of that. He knew it had been Dean’s idea, but not to that extent. “That doesn’t change anything I said, Dean. None of this was your fault. If you start blaming yourself, it’ll eat you up inside.”
“Especially if Cas dies.” Dean could hardly say those words. The thought made him feel sick again.
“He won’t.”
Jessica entered the room with a wheelchair. “Okay, we have twenty minutes before we get in trouble for jacking the chair. Come on.” She motioned for Sam and Dean to move.
With his brother’s help, Dean walked to the chair and Jessica wheeled him down the hall. Dean immediately regretted his decision. Castiel looked awful. He was pale and already thinning from being on a liquid feeding tube, his face was bruised, and what skin he could see was red or black. The doctors were probably amazed he was even alive.
“We’ll give you a few minutes.” Sam touched his shoulder gently and walked Jessica out to give them privacy.
Dean was afraid to touch Castiel. He didn’t want to hurt him more. “Cas,” his voice cracked and he couldn’t stop it anymore. He let the tears form and fall. “I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m sorry.” He covered his face with his hand as his body shook in despair. If he saw a picture of someone in Castiel’s condition, he would give them a day, maybe two and it made Dean lose what hope he had.
He reached out his better arm and touched Castiel’s hand gently, it was colder than he expected. Castiel was always warm, he ran hot. Dean would be in layers whining about the cold while Castiel walked around in his boxers and t-shirt saying he was warm. “I know I did this, Cas, but please,” he had to stop as sobs escaped his throat, “please come back.” He curled his fingers as best he could around the cold, immobile hand. “I need you.”
He sat like that for fifteen more minutes when Sam and Jessica came back in. He was rubbing Castiel’s hand. Sam asked him how he was doing. “Cas’s hands are cold.” His tears were gone, and his voice was flat. He needed to hold himself together now. “They’re too cold.”
Sam and Jessica shared worried looks. “I’m sure he’s fine, Dean.”
“We’ll tell them to turn the heat up.” Jessica started rolling Dean away but he grabbed Castiel’s hand tighter.
“I wanna stay.”
“You can’t. When you’re discharged, you can, but not now.” Jessica moved to crouch beside the chair. “I’m sure he was just waiting for you to wake up. When he hears you talking and waiting for him, he’ll join you.” She covered Dean’s hand with hers. “He needs you to get better first.”
Dean let his hand be moved from Castiel. Jessica was warm. Her kind eyes and smile made him think maybe she was right. He had woken up, right? Castiel would too. They took him back to his room. The rest of the day and night he was visited by his dad, Bobby, and their friends Ellen and Jo. They were all happy to see him and kept him optimistic about Castiel.
He was discharged the next day when he showed improvement. He was told to take it easy and let his body heal. They didn’t need to worry because all he did was change and move himself to Castiel’s room as a permanent visitor.
On the days Jessica worked, Dean was able to get his food brought to him and a pass to sleep in the chair in Castiel’s room. Other nights, he was kicked out for the night. He hated going home alone. His house was so big and empty without Castiel. He couldn’t sleep the nights he was home.
The first month passed and Dean’s injuries healed some. But his faith in Castiel’s recovery slipped more every day he didn’t progress. His excuse to not go into work at the office ran out part-way through the second month and he accepted their offer to let him go. He couldn’t work with Castiel in the hospital.
As the third month started and all remains of Dean’s injuries had disappeared, Dean’s family grew concerned about him. He barely left the room and he talked even less. If anyone asked, he told them he had to be there when Castiel woke up. Even the news that his Impala was almost completely back to how it was before couldn’t snap him out of this.
Even Dean was beginning to think he was crazy until the one day he had been waiting for arrived. Sam had just arrived to try once again to drag Dean out of the hospital for a meal at least when Castiel made a small noise. Dean was immediately at his side. His eyes were moving behind his lids and slowly Dean was able to see the blue eyes he had missed so much.
Sam ran off to get a doctor or nurse as Castiel opened his eyes fully. Dean smiled for the first time in months. “Cas.” Castiel looked at Dean and furrowed his brows. “Hey. It’s so good to see you awake, man.”
They had switched Castiel’s feeding tube to an IV a while back so he could talk now. Dean will never forget his first words. “I’m sorry, who are you?” It was faint but unmistakable and it hurt more than Dean could’ve imagined. “Where am I?”
Dean couldn’t answer before the nurses and doctor pushed him away to look Castiel over. He and Sam were outside the room. “Dean, what is it? Shouldn’t you be celebrating right now?” Sam was beaming. He had honestly been expecting the worst and didn’t understand Dean’s fallen face.
“He didn’t know who I was.”
That was enough to send Sam’s smile away. “Dean…” he reached out for his brother but Dean stepped back.
“They said this could happen. There was brain damage.”
“He could’ve just been disoriented.”
Dean shook his head. “I doubt it.” He hadn’t expected this, but it was fitting. He had put Castiel in that bed. Now he was being taken from his life. He would lose Castiel forever.
“Let’s just wait for what the doctor says.” Sam could see the wheels spinning in Dean’s mind and he wanted to keep him there.
It was the news they expected. “He has some memory loss. He knows what a hospital is and how to do everything but not his name or what’s happened in his life. Sometimes this is temporary and the memories come back as the patient is reminded of things, but sometimes it’s not. His other injuries have healed but we need to observe him a few days before we let him leave. He’ll be able to eat and drink normally now and we’ll have to get him up and moving to strengthen his muscles again but he will be able to go home once he’s strong enough.”
“Thank you.” Sam shook his hand and went back in to see Castiel with Dean behind him. “Hi, Cas.” He waved and moved to the foot of the bed.
“I’m sorry, I don’t…”
“Right, I know,” Sam smiled, “my name is Sam and this is my brother,” he pointed, “Dean.” Castiel stared at them blankly. “I’m sure that doesn’t mean much to you right now, but we’re your friends.”
“Okay, if you say so.” Castiel seemed so weak. He was thinner than Dean had ever seen him and he could barely lift his head up to talk to them.
“You should rest.” Dean grabbed Sam’s arm. “Come on, Sam.”
“Yeah,” Sam waved again, “get your strength up.” Dean pulled Sam down the hall. “Dean, wait.” Sam stopped them close to the elevators. “What, are you leaving? He woke up. Isn’t that what you’ve been waiting for?”
“He doesn’t know me, Sam. If I just hang out in his room all day and night, he’ll probably hate me by tomorrow. Besides, I need to help dad finish the car.” Dean pushed the down button for the elevator.
“No you don’t.” Sam knew dad was basically done with the car and could finish fine without his help. “What are you scared of?”
Dean scuffed as the doors to the elevator opened. “Nothing.” He entered, expecting Sam to follow. He turned to find Sam watching from outside the doors. “Sam, let’s go.”
“No.”
Dean blocked the doors from closing. “What? Come on, let the doctors poke and study him so they can let him go.”
“No,” Sam crossed his arms, “I’m gonna stay and talk to him. He should know something about himself.”
Dean stared Sam down but caved and pulled his arm back. “Fine. I’ll tell everyone. But, please just don’t tell him about the wedding thing, okay?”
Sam didn’t understand why but he agreed. “Fine.” The doors shut and Dean was gone. Sam returned to Castiel’s room. “Hey,” Sam sat in the chair by the bed, “so, Dean left to tell everyone you’re up. They’ll be so happy to see you.”
“Who’s everyone?” Castiel turned his head to face him.
“My parents, my wife, and a few friends.”
Castiel furrowed his brows. “What about my parents or wife,” he heard the question in the word, “or siblings?”
“Uh,” Sam had hoped to avoid this subject for a little, “well, you’re not married, no siblings, and your parents died a long time ago.” He continued quickly when he saw Castiel’s face fall, “You were a teenager when there was an accident, and my parents took you in. Our parents were friends our whole lives and they named my parents your guardians so…” Castiel looked more confused. “We’re your family, Cas. We always have been.”
He nodded. “What happened? They told me a car accident, but what happened?”
“Yeah, you and Dean were hit by a truck.”
“Dean?” Castiel looked up. “Dean was hurt too?”
“Yeah.”
“He looked fine.”
Sam hesitated. He thought the staff would’ve told him. “You’ve been out for three months, Cas.”
“Three months?” Castiel’s eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“They didn’t tell you?”
“No, I thought maybe a week.” He shook his head. “It must’ve been pretty bad.”
“It was. Dean was even out for a couple days. The truck hit your side. You’re lucky to be alive.”
“Lucky.” Sam could hear the sarcasm. “Lucky to wake up and not know anything about anything or anyone. To have no memories or…” Castiel looked out the window as his voice trailed off.
“I’m sorry, Cas. You can always get to know people again. Now you get to relearn what you like and get to experience things for the first time again. You have people that will help you and that care about you.” Castiel nodded absently. “Well,” Sam stood, “I’ll let you rest before everyone gets here, because they will talk your ears off.” He patted Castiel’s arm before leaving his room.
His parents, Jessica, and Bobby showed up a little later and talked to Castiel for a couple hours. They told him about Dean staying with him the whole time and how they were all there to help him when he needed it. Everyone avoided the subject of who Dean really was to Castiel, as Dean requested. Castiel seemed overwhelmed at first but soon warmed up to the family that obviously cared a lot about him.
Dean had stayed to work on the car, although Sam knew it was more than done. He called Dean as everyone said their goodbyes. “Why are you avoiding him?”
“I’m not. I’m working on the car. You’re all there to watch him. He’s fine.” Dean cursed as he pinched a finger with one of his tools. “I’ll see him at some point.”
“When?”
“When I can. Get off my ass!”
Sam sighed. “Dean, you have plenty of time.”
“I know. Look, I’ll talk to him tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay, I just wish you would…”
“Sam!” Dean yelled loudly to silence his brother. “Give me time. This is Cas. We’ve been together ten years and he doesn’t remember a second of that and maybe never will. I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I already have.”
“If you don’t come build some kind of relationship back up, you will.”
“Maybe he’d be better for it if I did.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Dean groaned, “I’ll be there tomorrow. I can imagine how many people will be in his face today and I don’t want to be one of those irritating faces.”
“Alright. Bye, Dean.”
“Bye.”
That night, Dean did a little cleaning. He walked around his house and took down every picture of him and Castiel together. He collected all of them and put them in a box. Castiel didn’t need to be reminded of what they used to be around every turn.
Next
Rating: PG
Pairings and Characters: Dean/Castiel, Sam, Jessica, Mary, Bobby, Ellen,
Spoilers/Warnings: none i can think of
Word Count: ~6,900 (this chapter split for length)
Summary: A car accident leaves Dean and Castiel in bad shape, but when Castiel wakes up three months later with no memory of his life, Dean has to adjust and decide how much to tell Castiel and how much to leave him to learn again.
It was all his fault. He had been the one pushing Castiel to do it that night. Castiel wanted to wait to plan something bigger, but Dean wanted to rush to the courthouse and do it now. He figured ten years had been long enough to wait. Now he would give anything to give Castiel one more day to plan a party for their wedding. They were on their way downtown when a semi ran a red light and crushed into the side of his car, Castiel’s side.
When Dean woke up, it had been two days since the crash and his brother’s face was the first thing he saw. “Dean,” Sam leaned over his bed, a wide grin on his face, “you’re awake.”
“Obviously.” His throat cracked and his voice broke painfully, making him cough.
“Here,” Sam handed him a cup of water with a straw, “they said your throat would probably be sore.”
Grabbing for the cup, Dean finally felt the pain of his broken fingers and seriously banged up arms. He sipped some water and eased the scratching in his throat. He could tell his lips and one eye were swollen. “Where’s Cas?” Sam’s small smile fell. “Sam?”
“He’s alive.” Sam reassured him quickly. “But, he’s not awake yet. Jess and mom are checking on him now.”
Dean’s heart rate increased as the fear of losing Castiel surfaced. “He’ll be okay though, right?”
He saw his brother hesitate. “Yeah, of course. I should,” he stood and put a hand on Dean’s bed, “go tell the girls that you’re up. I’ll be right back.”
Dean nodded as Sam left. In the silence, he was able to feel his other injuries. His head was throbbing, at least one knee had to be badly bruised if not broken, his right arm was in a cast, and his nose felt crooked. Castiel had been on the side the truck hit, he couldn’t imagine the shape he was in.
He suddenly felt sick thinking about the accident and how he felt responsible for what happened. Neither one of them would’ve been out if he hadn’t pushed it so hard. He couldn’t even begin to mourn over how destroyed his car had to be before Sam and company showed up.
“Dean!” His mother rushed to the bed and grabbed his hand, careful to avoid his broken fingers. “I would hug you…” she let the sentence die before smiling with tears in her eyes.
He couldn’t fight back the tears as his mom let them fall freely. The tears burned his injured eye. He wiped them away and tried to laugh, “Come on, did you really think one stupid driver could get rid of me?” They all smiled.
“That’s not funny, Dean.” Sam shook his head.
A knock on the door was their only warning before a nurse entered the room. “Hello.” She walked in slowly, holding a chart and smiling. “Welcome back, Dean. How do you feel?” She moved to stand next to his bed as everyone else backed away to give her room.
“I’ve been better,” Dean looked closer at her nametag, “Carmen.” He gave her a smile.
“I’m sure.” She wrote something on her chart and returned the smile. “Any extreme pain or soreness?”
Dean shrugged. “My head is a little sore, but I figure that’s normal.”
“Okay.” She wrote more on the chart before looking up. “I’ll get you some more meds for your head and check on you later.”
“Sounds great.”
She was on her way out when Sam stopped her. “How soon do you think he’ll be released?”
Carmen thought for a moment. “We’ll have to keep him at least one more day for observation. He does have head trauma we need to make sure isn’t more serious, but if everything goes alright, he should be released tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” Sam sighed and smiled. “That’s great, Dean.”
“Yeah.” He picked at his IVs absently. “I guess.” He didn’t want to ask, but he needed to know. “What’s the damage with Cas? And don’t lie to me.” He added as his mom shook her head. The three of them looked at each other worriedly. “See, that doesn’t help.”
“I’ll go get everyone some coffee.” Jessica, Sam’s wife, grabbed his arm gently before leaving for the cafeteria.
Sam pulled a chair closer to the bed for Mary and sat beside his mom. “He’s down the hall. Obviously, his injuries are more extensive, but the doctors are hopeful that he’ll wake up soon.”
“Sam,” Dean knew that Sam was able to rant endlessly, being a lawyer, but he didn’t need that right now, “just tell me.”
He nodded and licked his lips. “There’s a lot of head trauma, maybe some brain damage. They won’t know fully until he wakes up.” He paused briefly. “If he wakes up.”
Dean felt tears welling up again, but he held them back. “What do you mean, if?”
“He’s in a coma. They’re not sure if he will wake up. He’s not on life support yet but he isn’t getting better.”
“Is he getting worse?”
“No, but it’s only been a couple days.” Mary dropped her head next to Sam and started crying again. Sam put his arm around her. “He also has a broken leg and arm, and there was some internal bleeding when they brought him in. He’s been in and out of surgery a couple times already.”
“He’ll wake up.” Dean blinked quickly a few times as tears burned him again. “He has to.” Jessica walked back in with three coffees. “I want to see him.”
“They don’t want you walking around, Dean. Your knee is pretty bad and crutches wouldn’t really work with your hand and arm.”
“Then get a damn wheelchair or something!” He was shaking in anger and fear. If Castiel didn’t survive, Dean would never forgive himself.
“I’ll see if that’s okay.” Jessica worked at the hospital so she knew who to talk to for anything.
“Honey,” his mom reached over for his hand again, “I’m so glad you’re okay. I need to go call your father.” She stood and followed Jessica out.
“Dad and Bobby are working on fixing the car.” Sam sipped his coffee.
“How bad is it?” He groaned, not knowing if he wanted to hear the answer.
“It’s bad. Any sane person would have called it done and sold the parts.”
“Dammit. Of course, Dad and Bobby aren’t sane so it’ll be okay.” They sat quietly and listened to the beeping of the machinery. He leaned back into his pillow. “Sam, this is my fault.”
Sam furrowed his brows. “What? Dean, no it isn’t. It’s not even close to being your fault. Your light was green, you were doing the speed limit. The other guy ran the light going way too fast and I made sure he got the worst sentence possible.”
Dean couldn’t help but smile as Sam got defensive. He had just started working at a law firm in the city a few months before, having just graduated from Stanford. “Good. But, you’re wrong. It’s my fault that Cas is in that room.”
“Dean, come on…”
“He didn’t want to get married that day.”
“What?”
“He kept telling me to wait. He wanted to get a place to hold a reception and have the whole party thing and I pushed him until he gave in. It was because of me that we were driving. If I had just listened, we would be having a dance right now as a married couple.”
Sam hadn’t known about any of that. He knew it had been Dean’s idea, but not to that extent. “That doesn’t change anything I said, Dean. None of this was your fault. If you start blaming yourself, it’ll eat you up inside.”
“Especially if Cas dies.” Dean could hardly say those words. The thought made him feel sick again.
“He won’t.”
Jessica entered the room with a wheelchair. “Okay, we have twenty minutes before we get in trouble for jacking the chair. Come on.” She motioned for Sam and Dean to move.
With his brother’s help, Dean walked to the chair and Jessica wheeled him down the hall. Dean immediately regretted his decision. Castiel looked awful. He was pale and already thinning from being on a liquid feeding tube, his face was bruised, and what skin he could see was red or black. The doctors were probably amazed he was even alive.
“We’ll give you a few minutes.” Sam touched his shoulder gently and walked Jessica out to give them privacy.
Dean was afraid to touch Castiel. He didn’t want to hurt him more. “Cas,” his voice cracked and he couldn’t stop it anymore. He let the tears form and fall. “I’m so sorry, Cas. I’m sorry.” He covered his face with his hand as his body shook in despair. If he saw a picture of someone in Castiel’s condition, he would give them a day, maybe two and it made Dean lose what hope he had.
He reached out his better arm and touched Castiel’s hand gently, it was colder than he expected. Castiel was always warm, he ran hot. Dean would be in layers whining about the cold while Castiel walked around in his boxers and t-shirt saying he was warm. “I know I did this, Cas, but please,” he had to stop as sobs escaped his throat, “please come back.” He curled his fingers as best he could around the cold, immobile hand. “I need you.”
He sat like that for fifteen more minutes when Sam and Jessica came back in. He was rubbing Castiel’s hand. Sam asked him how he was doing. “Cas’s hands are cold.” His tears were gone, and his voice was flat. He needed to hold himself together now. “They’re too cold.”
Sam and Jessica shared worried looks. “I’m sure he’s fine, Dean.”
“We’ll tell them to turn the heat up.” Jessica started rolling Dean away but he grabbed Castiel’s hand tighter.
“I wanna stay.”
“You can’t. When you’re discharged, you can, but not now.” Jessica moved to crouch beside the chair. “I’m sure he was just waiting for you to wake up. When he hears you talking and waiting for him, he’ll join you.” She covered Dean’s hand with hers. “He needs you to get better first.”
Dean let his hand be moved from Castiel. Jessica was warm. Her kind eyes and smile made him think maybe she was right. He had woken up, right? Castiel would too. They took him back to his room. The rest of the day and night he was visited by his dad, Bobby, and their friends Ellen and Jo. They were all happy to see him and kept him optimistic about Castiel.
He was discharged the next day when he showed improvement. He was told to take it easy and let his body heal. They didn’t need to worry because all he did was change and move himself to Castiel’s room as a permanent visitor.
On the days Jessica worked, Dean was able to get his food brought to him and a pass to sleep in the chair in Castiel’s room. Other nights, he was kicked out for the night. He hated going home alone. His house was so big and empty without Castiel. He couldn’t sleep the nights he was home.
The first month passed and Dean’s injuries healed some. But his faith in Castiel’s recovery slipped more every day he didn’t progress. His excuse to not go into work at the office ran out part-way through the second month and he accepted their offer to let him go. He couldn’t work with Castiel in the hospital.
As the third month started and all remains of Dean’s injuries had disappeared, Dean’s family grew concerned about him. He barely left the room and he talked even less. If anyone asked, he told them he had to be there when Castiel woke up. Even the news that his Impala was almost completely back to how it was before couldn’t snap him out of this.
Even Dean was beginning to think he was crazy until the one day he had been waiting for arrived. Sam had just arrived to try once again to drag Dean out of the hospital for a meal at least when Castiel made a small noise. Dean was immediately at his side. His eyes were moving behind his lids and slowly Dean was able to see the blue eyes he had missed so much.
Sam ran off to get a doctor or nurse as Castiel opened his eyes fully. Dean smiled for the first time in months. “Cas.” Castiel looked at Dean and furrowed his brows. “Hey. It’s so good to see you awake, man.”
They had switched Castiel’s feeding tube to an IV a while back so he could talk now. Dean will never forget his first words. “I’m sorry, who are you?” It was faint but unmistakable and it hurt more than Dean could’ve imagined. “Where am I?”
Dean couldn’t answer before the nurses and doctor pushed him away to look Castiel over. He and Sam were outside the room. “Dean, what is it? Shouldn’t you be celebrating right now?” Sam was beaming. He had honestly been expecting the worst and didn’t understand Dean’s fallen face.
“He didn’t know who I was.”
That was enough to send Sam’s smile away. “Dean…” he reached out for his brother but Dean stepped back.
“They said this could happen. There was brain damage.”
“He could’ve just been disoriented.”
Dean shook his head. “I doubt it.” He hadn’t expected this, but it was fitting. He had put Castiel in that bed. Now he was being taken from his life. He would lose Castiel forever.
“Let’s just wait for what the doctor says.” Sam could see the wheels spinning in Dean’s mind and he wanted to keep him there.
It was the news they expected. “He has some memory loss. He knows what a hospital is and how to do everything but not his name or what’s happened in his life. Sometimes this is temporary and the memories come back as the patient is reminded of things, but sometimes it’s not. His other injuries have healed but we need to observe him a few days before we let him leave. He’ll be able to eat and drink normally now and we’ll have to get him up and moving to strengthen his muscles again but he will be able to go home once he’s strong enough.”
“Thank you.” Sam shook his hand and went back in to see Castiel with Dean behind him. “Hi, Cas.” He waved and moved to the foot of the bed.
“I’m sorry, I don’t…”
“Right, I know,” Sam smiled, “my name is Sam and this is my brother,” he pointed, “Dean.” Castiel stared at them blankly. “I’m sure that doesn’t mean much to you right now, but we’re your friends.”
“Okay, if you say so.” Castiel seemed so weak. He was thinner than Dean had ever seen him and he could barely lift his head up to talk to them.
“You should rest.” Dean grabbed Sam’s arm. “Come on, Sam.”
“Yeah,” Sam waved again, “get your strength up.” Dean pulled Sam down the hall. “Dean, wait.” Sam stopped them close to the elevators. “What, are you leaving? He woke up. Isn’t that what you’ve been waiting for?”
“He doesn’t know me, Sam. If I just hang out in his room all day and night, he’ll probably hate me by tomorrow. Besides, I need to help dad finish the car.” Dean pushed the down button for the elevator.
“No you don’t.” Sam knew dad was basically done with the car and could finish fine without his help. “What are you scared of?”
Dean scuffed as the doors to the elevator opened. “Nothing.” He entered, expecting Sam to follow. He turned to find Sam watching from outside the doors. “Sam, let’s go.”
“No.”
Dean blocked the doors from closing. “What? Come on, let the doctors poke and study him so they can let him go.”
“No,” Sam crossed his arms, “I’m gonna stay and talk to him. He should know something about himself.”
Dean stared Sam down but caved and pulled his arm back. “Fine. I’ll tell everyone. But, please just don’t tell him about the wedding thing, okay?”
Sam didn’t understand why but he agreed. “Fine.” The doors shut and Dean was gone. Sam returned to Castiel’s room. “Hey,” Sam sat in the chair by the bed, “so, Dean left to tell everyone you’re up. They’ll be so happy to see you.”
“Who’s everyone?” Castiel turned his head to face him.
“My parents, my wife, and a few friends.”
Castiel furrowed his brows. “What about my parents or wife,” he heard the question in the word, “or siblings?”
“Uh,” Sam had hoped to avoid this subject for a little, “well, you’re not married, no siblings, and your parents died a long time ago.” He continued quickly when he saw Castiel’s face fall, “You were a teenager when there was an accident, and my parents took you in. Our parents were friends our whole lives and they named my parents your guardians so…” Castiel looked more confused. “We’re your family, Cas. We always have been.”
He nodded. “What happened? They told me a car accident, but what happened?”
“Yeah, you and Dean were hit by a truck.”
“Dean?” Castiel looked up. “Dean was hurt too?”
“Yeah.”
“He looked fine.”
Sam hesitated. He thought the staff would’ve told him. “You’ve been out for three months, Cas.”
“Three months?” Castiel’s eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“They didn’t tell you?”
“No, I thought maybe a week.” He shook his head. “It must’ve been pretty bad.”
“It was. Dean was even out for a couple days. The truck hit your side. You’re lucky to be alive.”
“Lucky.” Sam could hear the sarcasm. “Lucky to wake up and not know anything about anything or anyone. To have no memories or…” Castiel looked out the window as his voice trailed off.
“I’m sorry, Cas. You can always get to know people again. Now you get to relearn what you like and get to experience things for the first time again. You have people that will help you and that care about you.” Castiel nodded absently. “Well,” Sam stood, “I’ll let you rest before everyone gets here, because they will talk your ears off.” He patted Castiel’s arm before leaving his room.
His parents, Jessica, and Bobby showed up a little later and talked to Castiel for a couple hours. They told him about Dean staying with him the whole time and how they were all there to help him when he needed it. Everyone avoided the subject of who Dean really was to Castiel, as Dean requested. Castiel seemed overwhelmed at first but soon warmed up to the family that obviously cared a lot about him.
Dean had stayed to work on the car, although Sam knew it was more than done. He called Dean as everyone said their goodbyes. “Why are you avoiding him?”
“I’m not. I’m working on the car. You’re all there to watch him. He’s fine.” Dean cursed as he pinched a finger with one of his tools. “I’ll see him at some point.”
“When?”
“When I can. Get off my ass!”
Sam sighed. “Dean, you have plenty of time.”
“I know. Look, I’ll talk to him tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay, I just wish you would…”
“Sam!” Dean yelled loudly to silence his brother. “Give me time. This is Cas. We’ve been together ten years and he doesn’t remember a second of that and maybe never will. I don’t want to lose him, but I feel like I already have.”
“If you don’t come build some kind of relationship back up, you will.”
“Maybe he’d be better for it if I did.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” Dean groaned, “I’ll be there tomorrow. I can imagine how many people will be in his face today and I don’t want to be one of those irritating faces.”
“Alright. Bye, Dean.”
“Bye.”
That night, Dean did a little cleaning. He walked around his house and took down every picture of him and Castiel together. He collected all of them and put them in a box. Castiel didn’t need to be reminded of what they used to be around every turn.
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