Important Self-Discovery #2
I am angry. Angry beyond my understanding as I'm not even sure what is causing it. I have an idea, but... And for some reason I agreed to show up at the theater at 11 AM to help build standees that were apparently "gifted" us, although I don't buy that bullshit for a minute. Today started out weird enough and I guess it was truly the beginning of a horrible weekend beginning a horrible month. I CAN'T WAIT . Bring it, motherfucker.
I am no longer angry. I am updating this to Important Self-Discovery #2. I still am not quite sure what about Spider-Man 3 made me so angry, but I just had a moment of clarity. I imagined myself in the office of a professional head doctor, put whatever label on it you want. Someone who could help me. I built up a rage and started screaming. I laughed hysterically and told this person that I always wanted to let loose my anger or my depressiveness around people. When asked why, the following dialogue ensued:
Me: "I want them to fear me."
Professional: "Why do you want them to fear you?"
Me: *pause* "To make what I'm feeling legitimate. Rather than pity me and hope I cheer up, if they're afraid of my emotion and what it might lead me to do, then maybe they'll be motivated to do something about it."
Know that this is truth. It is because of the truth of this that I have committed it to record. I felt before that I wanted to reach out to people for help in my anger similarly to how I want to in my darker moods, but even now I still don't quite understand what help I want or if any help is possible. So there it is.
I am no longer angry. I am updating this to Important Self-Discovery #2. I still am not quite sure what about Spider-Man 3 made me so angry, but I just had a moment of clarity. I imagined myself in the office of a professional head doctor, put whatever label on it you want. Someone who could help me. I built up a rage and started screaming. I laughed hysterically and told this person that I always wanted to let loose my anger or my depressiveness around people. When asked why, the following dialogue ensued:
Me: "I want them to fear me."
Professional: "Why do you want them to fear you?"
Me: *pause* "To make what I'm feeling legitimate. Rather than pity me and hope I cheer up, if they're afraid of my emotion and what it might lead me to do, then maybe they'll be motivated to do something about it."
Know that this is truth. It is because of the truth of this that I have committed it to record. I felt before that I wanted to reach out to people for help in my anger similarly to how I want to in my darker moods, but even now I still don't quite understand what help I want or if any help is possible. So there it is.