crisis part deux
Oh yes. 12 hours later (thereabouts) and I really don't feel that much better. Movies are still missing with no one owning up to their whereabouts. Thanks guys.
Teenage son reappeared. Red-eyed, contrite and exhausted. Too bad he is going to have to awaken to take care of his dried clean clothes.
I feel like I need to withdraw from people, my so-called friends. My trust in them has been destroyed in much the same way my trust in my son has been ravaged.
Once again (this is a pattern, definitely a pattern), I trust people to treat me with respect, as I work at treating them that way, and they fuck me over. And sadly, half of the time (or more) they don't even see what they are doing!! Of course not, they are not there to pick up the empty wine bottle and dirty wine glass. They are not there to wash the mugs lying in the sink. They are not there to filter the coffee since all of the coffee I made last time has been used up by visitors! Do they consider that I am tired of preparing MY food and drink for them when they NEVER bring anything to contribute????? Hell, no. Do they ever clean up after themselves? Hell, no. Do they ever see? no.
I guess it will end when I am not so lonely, or when I am too tired, like right now. I guess when the frustration, anger and hurt is more that the ache of being lonely.
It also has to do with remembering who I am and why I am here. And it has to do with remembering that I can be a bitch and they probably deserve it. I also made the choice to trust and it really makes me angry that the people around me abuse that trust.
Teenage son reappeared. Red-eyed, contrite and exhausted. Too bad he is going to have to awaken to take care of his dried clean clothes.
I feel like I need to withdraw from people, my so-called friends. My trust in them has been destroyed in much the same way my trust in my son has been ravaged.
Once again (this is a pattern, definitely a pattern), I trust people to treat me with respect, as I work at treating them that way, and they fuck me over. And sadly, half of the time (or more) they don't even see what they are doing!! Of course not, they are not there to pick up the empty wine bottle and dirty wine glass. They are not there to wash the mugs lying in the sink. They are not there to filter the coffee since all of the coffee I made last time has been used up by visitors! Do they consider that I am tired of preparing MY food and drink for them when they NEVER bring anything to contribute????? Hell, no. Do they ever clean up after themselves? Hell, no. Do they ever see? no.
I guess it will end when I am not so lonely, or when I am too tired, like right now. I guess when the frustration, anger and hurt is more that the ache of being lonely.
It also has to do with remembering who I am and why I am here. And it has to do with remembering that I can be a bitch and they probably deserve it. I also made the choice to trust and it really makes me angry that the people around me abuse that trust.