Hitting the wall
I went in this morning to wake Delia up for church. She was groggy, and I stared down at her in sort of a stupor and then put my head down and rested my ear on her chest. 'I can hear your heartbeat,' I said quietly.
And then I started to cry.
I have been so sick for so long. I'm not depressed. But my body is giving out. I went off some medication last fall, and it was the right decision, but it's screwed up my ability to sleep. Badly. I thought it was getting better, but the past few nights I've been down to four or five hours a night again. The Sleep Cycle app I purchased for my iPod has told me one bit of information: I seem to be unable to enter the deep sleep stage in the second half of the night.
And the asthma. That's been going on since November. I've purchased another humidifier for work. The cough is a little better, I think, but I'm so worn out that I can't tolerate even the lighter cough. On Friday, I was trying to push a Berger cart loaded with files, and I had such trouble breathing that I ended up abruptly sitting on the floor. The stamina that I had honed through getting my black belt and doing P90X is COMPLETELY gone. Needless to say, I haven't bounced back from having the flu, either.
Today, it was just like I somehow hit the wall. I was crying throughout the day at the drop of a hat, and I felt so lethargic that I just couldn't face getting out of bed. I am having difficulty with everything. Making decisions. Keeping up with life maintenance stuff.
All I want to do is lie in bed or hang out in the bathtub to steam my lungs.
Fiona had stayed over for the night. Rob ran them to church for me, and I went to bed and managed to get a bit more sleep. Rob had to go to work at 1:00, but once the girls came back from church (a church member brought them home) they were very comforting.
I asked the girls to put my name on the church's prayer chain. I need prayers.
This sucks.
Edited to add: Yes, I have seen my doctor, and yes, I am being treated, with inhalers.
This entry was originally posted at http://pegkerr.dreamwidth.org/1650243.html. There are
comments on the post.
And then I started to cry.
I have been so sick for so long. I'm not depressed. But my body is giving out. I went off some medication last fall, and it was the right decision, but it's screwed up my ability to sleep. Badly. I thought it was getting better, but the past few nights I've been down to four or five hours a night again. The Sleep Cycle app I purchased for my iPod has told me one bit of information: I seem to be unable to enter the deep sleep stage in the second half of the night.
And the asthma. That's been going on since November. I've purchased another humidifier for work. The cough is a little better, I think, but I'm so worn out that I can't tolerate even the lighter cough. On Friday, I was trying to push a Berger cart loaded with files, and I had such trouble breathing that I ended up abruptly sitting on the floor. The stamina that I had honed through getting my black belt and doing P90X is COMPLETELY gone. Needless to say, I haven't bounced back from having the flu, either.
Today, it was just like I somehow hit the wall. I was crying throughout the day at the drop of a hat, and I felt so lethargic that I just couldn't face getting out of bed. I am having difficulty with everything. Making decisions. Keeping up with life maintenance stuff.
All I want to do is lie in bed or hang out in the bathtub to steam my lungs.
Fiona had stayed over for the night. Rob ran them to church for me, and I went to bed and managed to get a bit more sleep. Rob had to go to work at 1:00, but once the girls came back from church (a church member brought them home) they were very comforting.
I asked the girls to put my name on the church's prayer chain. I need prayers.
This sucks.
Edited to add: Yes, I have seen my doctor, and yes, I am being treated, with inhalers.
This entry was originally posted at http://pegkerr.dreamwidth.org/1650243.html. There are
comments on the post.