My crew
Here's my contribution to the Star-Trek-crew-member-assignment-a-thon.
I am most familiar with The Next Generation (in fact, I've seen very
little of any of the others), and what I have to say will reflect that.
Captain: Drew. Do Philosopher-kings really make the best rulers? Only one way to know for sure!
Second in Command: aglia, because she is more knowledgeable about the show than just about anyone I know. I would make her captain for that reason, but, you understand, I have this Platonic experiment going on. My reason for not reversing their roles is probably obvious: the second in command must be prepared to take over in emergency situations, and the philosopher-king really would seem to me more a man of thought than a man of action. More importantly, I know aglia can be counted on in times of crisis, because she’s been there for me. (Good thing Star Trek has no live studio audience, because they’d be going “aaawwwww” now.)
Third in Command: Let’s put epione in here. She has a good head in emergencies, too, and she complements aglia in a lot of ways. They can disagree a lot and still get along, making quips about pants (etc.) the while.
Helm: choephora. I promise never to bring this up again, but we all had a good laugh at her expense when she couldn’t find her way out of epione’s subdivision. Choephora could steer us into unpredictable places and the result would be Adventure with a capital A. (I should probably add that my sense of direction is probably worse than choephora’s, and that I can’t drive.)
Doctor: the obvious (and probably best) choice here would be epione, I’d think; but since madtinkerer already chose her, I feel it would be cheating. I choose mesembria, because I would get a kick out of seeing her greet people in sick bay, waving a needle in the air all squirting goo and trilling cheerily, “this won’t hurt a bit!”
Interpreter: ovidius. From what I can remember of our Sight Translations, he was both quick on his feet and willing to volunteer. I know from classes I took with him that he’s also an exemplary grammarian. Also, diplomatic. Also, he has some Hebrew and I don’t.
Resident Klingon Badass Motherfucker: I realize that not every version of Star Trek has had its Worf, but he is an important member of the crew to me. I don’t know what his official position is, but he is nothing if not the R.K.B.M. Madtinkerer, I see you in this role: a gruff yet non-threatening exterior, a critical mind and a good heart. Aspects of Klingon culture (like their preoccupation with Honour) remind me of the Romans, and, though I hadn’t thought of it before now, I’m pretty sure that laryngeal stop consonant in their speech is also a feature of Scots. I’m not absolutely positive, and I’d promise to get back to you on it, but I really think I can and should find other ways of spending my time.
Teleporter operator: iphianassa. I don’t know you too well, iphianassa, but one of the things I recall about you when you lived here is how sweetly you would greet people (or me, anyway). I always felt that you were either genuinely happy to see me, or really good at faking it. What better person to see people off of, and welcome them back onto, the ship? Understand, you’re not just a glorified receptionist: crew members are, to a degree, at your mercy. If someone pisses you off, he or she just might get left behind on some godforsaken planet. As a result, you’d get plenty of respect, methinks.
Chief Engineer: dreamlikedouche. To the best of my knowledge, dreamlikedouche has no practical knowledge of, nor experience in, this area. Seems to me, though, he’d be able to catch on pretty quickly. Most importantly, I am sure that even if the ship were in dire trouble, he would stay calm, cool, and collected. I have never seen dreamlikedouche panic.
Assistant to Chief Engineer - this one can be Dan B.’s job, since, as I said, I don’t think dreamlikedouche has any practical knowledge of, or experience in, this area.
Talking Encyclopedia (or whatever Data’s official title is): Dr. Brown. I really think this would be the ideal career for him. Sure, he likes teaching, but the administrative aspect of the university makes him crazy. Also, his sense of humour is perfectly suited to those infamous final scenes in TNG episodes (often featuring Data) that are supposed to elicit an indulgent chuckle and gentle shaking of the head. (It’s hypocritical of me to call them infamous, since I love them. And yes, I always laugh at Dr. Brown’s jokes. I admit these things because I know you’ll call me on them.)
Oh yeah -- and if he were an android, he could have that coveted prehensile tail!
Counselor (as in Deanna Troi): Dr. MacLachlan. Perhaps it is because all my experience with her has been outside the classroom and the brunt of it has been, well, counseling. But this role cries out for her, I think.
Captain: Drew. Do Philosopher-kings really make the best rulers? Only one way to know for sure!
Second in Command: aglia, because she is more knowledgeable about the show than just about anyone I know. I would make her captain for that reason, but, you understand, I have this Platonic experiment going on. My reason for not reversing their roles is probably obvious: the second in command must be prepared to take over in emergency situations, and the philosopher-king really would seem to me more a man of thought than a man of action. More importantly, I know aglia can be counted on in times of crisis, because she’s been there for me. (Good thing Star Trek has no live studio audience, because they’d be going “aaawwwww” now.)
Third in Command: Let’s put epione in here. She has a good head in emergencies, too, and she complements aglia in a lot of ways. They can disagree a lot and still get along, making quips about pants (etc.) the while.
Helm: choephora. I promise never to bring this up again, but we all had a good laugh at her expense when she couldn’t find her way out of epione’s subdivision. Choephora could steer us into unpredictable places and the result would be Adventure with a capital A. (I should probably add that my sense of direction is probably worse than choephora’s, and that I can’t drive.)
Doctor: the obvious (and probably best) choice here would be epione, I’d think; but since madtinkerer already chose her, I feel it would be cheating. I choose mesembria, because I would get a kick out of seeing her greet people in sick bay, waving a needle in the air all squirting goo and trilling cheerily, “this won’t hurt a bit!”
Interpreter: ovidius. From what I can remember of our Sight Translations, he was both quick on his feet and willing to volunteer. I know from classes I took with him that he’s also an exemplary grammarian. Also, diplomatic. Also, he has some Hebrew and I don’t.
Resident Klingon Badass Motherfucker: I realize that not every version of Star Trek has had its Worf, but he is an important member of the crew to me. I don’t know what his official position is, but he is nothing if not the R.K.B.M. Madtinkerer, I see you in this role: a gruff yet non-threatening exterior, a critical mind and a good heart. Aspects of Klingon culture (like their preoccupation with Honour) remind me of the Romans, and, though I hadn’t thought of it before now, I’m pretty sure that laryngeal stop consonant in their speech is also a feature of Scots. I’m not absolutely positive, and I’d promise to get back to you on it, but I really think I can and should find other ways of spending my time.
Teleporter operator: iphianassa. I don’t know you too well, iphianassa, but one of the things I recall about you when you lived here is how sweetly you would greet people (or me, anyway). I always felt that you were either genuinely happy to see me, or really good at faking it. What better person to see people off of, and welcome them back onto, the ship? Understand, you’re not just a glorified receptionist: crew members are, to a degree, at your mercy. If someone pisses you off, he or she just might get left behind on some godforsaken planet. As a result, you’d get plenty of respect, methinks.
Chief Engineer: dreamlikedouche. To the best of my knowledge, dreamlikedouche has no practical knowledge of, nor experience in, this area. Seems to me, though, he’d be able to catch on pretty quickly. Most importantly, I am sure that even if the ship were in dire trouble, he would stay calm, cool, and collected. I have never seen dreamlikedouche panic.
Assistant to Chief Engineer - this one can be Dan B.’s job, since, as I said, I don’t think dreamlikedouche has any practical knowledge of, or experience in, this area.
Talking Encyclopedia (or whatever Data’s official title is): Dr. Brown. I really think this would be the ideal career for him. Sure, he likes teaching, but the administrative aspect of the university makes him crazy. Also, his sense of humour is perfectly suited to those infamous final scenes in TNG episodes (often featuring Data) that are supposed to elicit an indulgent chuckle and gentle shaking of the head. (It’s hypocritical of me to call them infamous, since I love them. And yes, I always laugh at Dr. Brown’s jokes. I admit these things because I know you’ll call me on them.)
Oh yeah -- and if he were an android, he could have that coveted prehensile tail!
Counselor (as in Deanna Troi): Dr. MacLachlan. Perhaps it is because all my experience with her has been outside the classroom and the brunt of it has been, well, counseling. But this role cries out for her, I think.