(no subject)
I just feel sad today. Maybe it’s the rain. I think tonight’s sleepover and movies will do the trick. And what I really feel like doing right now is rolling in the mud and jumping in puddles, but I don't think that would convince my parents that I really am fine. I wonder what they are really thinking.
In the past few days I have had some pretty interesting conversations with my fellow co-workers. And it kind of made me realize how rarely I talk about things that are real and mean something. And though I don’t know if I really trust the one guy. I kind of feel like he is really insincere about everything ever. I still got a lot out of our conversation. And yesterday I brought in some of photos to show L.B. I don’t really show people anything ever, so it was weird. I talked to Andrew about how embarrassed I am to show people the things that I do because it’s such an intimate thing and it’s weird to have people who won’t understand look and judge it. We talked about our fears in life and how we are both so restless with everything. And how we are so scared of being trapped. And how we both want to live down south. And just life. And it was so nice to open up to someone about real things. To share a little bit of what I have been thinking lately, but I’m too hesitant to tell anyone else. It’s hard to describe but I rarely connect with people on such a level. I feel like he reads into me more than anyone else tries to and I think that’s why he makes me feel understood. The relationships I have with the people I work with are so weird, but I feel so lucky and grateful to have each of them in my life.
Last night Catie and I went to see Silent Hill and I so love Catie. She is amazing. And we were so scared and hid our faces in our shirts and hands pretty much the whole time. It was cute.
I really miss Kody today. And when I was driving home, I passed his car. It was so hard to not stop.
In the past few days I have had some pretty interesting conversations with my fellow co-workers. And it kind of made me realize how rarely I talk about things that are real and mean something. And though I don’t know if I really trust the one guy. I kind of feel like he is really insincere about everything ever. I still got a lot out of our conversation. And yesterday I brought in some of photos to show L.B. I don’t really show people anything ever, so it was weird. I talked to Andrew about how embarrassed I am to show people the things that I do because it’s such an intimate thing and it’s weird to have people who won’t understand look and judge it. We talked about our fears in life and how we are both so restless with everything. And how we are so scared of being trapped. And how we both want to live down south. And just life. And it was so nice to open up to someone about real things. To share a little bit of what I have been thinking lately, but I’m too hesitant to tell anyone else. It’s hard to describe but I rarely connect with people on such a level. I feel like he reads into me more than anyone else tries to and I think that’s why he makes me feel understood. The relationships I have with the people I work with are so weird, but I feel so lucky and grateful to have each of them in my life.
Last night Catie and I went to see Silent Hill and I so love Catie. She is amazing. And we were so scared and hid our faces in our shirts and hands pretty much the whole time. It was cute.
I really miss Kody today. And when I was driving home, I passed his car. It was so hard to not stop.