hey...time to enter the ring
So to the universe that cares, i am going to rant....again. I am constantly stuck in a vicious cycle. The Melody cycle. I love myself for who i am but that stupid nagger in the back of my head constantly is whispering things in my ear. The sad thing is these things are true....i know i am being cryptic. That is the point of a journal where i have a screen name. before i get very deep, my random thought for the day....isn't it odd how i somehow managed to turn my random thought page into a personal rant page?? pretty random......okay...lets get back on track
Who am i? I have been so different to so many people that it is almost like i change to fit the person i am with. But in a strange way, everyone of the people are me. I guess it is true that everyone knows a different part of you. But my question is, if you become someone different with every person you know, what is your true face and if they are all parts of you, how can you be complete when you are a fraction of yourself all the time. Its like Math. When you have a fraction of the whole, you need all the pieces to have a whole number. Is it possible to have an improper fraction?? Like if your personalities are the numerator and the people you know are the denominator.....are those extra "you"'s saved for yourself? or maybe it is like an asymptote.....you never are fully complete even though you approach completion with every person. Somehow that strikes me as right. Every person you are IS you at that moment and you are complete in that moment. The next moment it is completely different and you may not be the same but you are still YOU completely....I apoligize in advance for everyone reading this.....i am NOT making any sense......just rambling
Now for the other thing on my mind. MASKS...people hide behind them all the time. Are they afraid to face the world? or maybe they are afraid to face themselves. Showing your true face to someone else is hard enough since you never know what they will truly think of you. They may laugh or cast you off like a used rag when they see what you truly are like. But maybe they won't...maybe they will love you just the way you are...What is even harder is showing your true self to YOURSELF....when you can't hide behind smokescreens or anyone else and you finally see who you have become, it is a scary thing. somehow you are never what you wanted yourself to become. And that bothers you more than you can say....not living up to your own expectations is the worst thing in the world. And so you are lost in a vortex of confusion, anger and shame by not accepting yourself. This is the source of confusion that causes people to not understand who they are...it is because they cannot Accept what they have become....
Who am i? I have been so different to so many people that it is almost like i change to fit the person i am with. But in a strange way, everyone of the people are me. I guess it is true that everyone knows a different part of you. But my question is, if you become someone different with every person you know, what is your true face and if they are all parts of you, how can you be complete when you are a fraction of yourself all the time. Its like Math. When you have a fraction of the whole, you need all the pieces to have a whole number. Is it possible to have an improper fraction?? Like if your personalities are the numerator and the people you know are the denominator.....are those extra "you"'s saved for yourself? or maybe it is like an asymptote.....you never are fully complete even though you approach completion with every person. Somehow that strikes me as right. Every person you are IS you at that moment and you are complete in that moment. The next moment it is completely different and you may not be the same but you are still YOU completely....I apoligize in advance for everyone reading this.....i am NOT making any sense......just rambling
Now for the other thing on my mind. MASKS...people hide behind them all the time. Are they afraid to face the world? or maybe they are afraid to face themselves. Showing your true face to someone else is hard enough since you never know what they will truly think of you. They may laugh or cast you off like a used rag when they see what you truly are like. But maybe they won't...maybe they will love you just the way you are...What is even harder is showing your true self to YOURSELF....when you can't hide behind smokescreens or anyone else and you finally see who you have become, it is a scary thing. somehow you are never what you wanted yourself to become. And that bothers you more than you can say....not living up to your own expectations is the worst thing in the world. And so you are lost in a vortex of confusion, anger and shame by not accepting yourself. This is the source of confusion that causes people to not understand who they are...it is because they cannot Accept what they have become....