What makes me feel this way?
Today wasn't really a bad day. It started off a bit annoying. I was woke up and told I had to work today. I figured I had to, but I really didn't want to. So I got up and went in.
I left work early, which really isn't a bad thing. I saw Lauren while I was there, yay. And, literally more then half of my shit I did absolutely nothing. So I don't see how that had any influence over how I am feeling now.
I got home, and I think that is where things went wrong. My mother was in a super bitchy mood, and yelling and throwing things at my dad. And I guess thats when I started to feel shitty.
I don't know why that had this much of an influence over my mood. Maybe... it just reminded me of my earlier life. With my mother being drunk, throwing and breaking things. My dad just taking her shit, and not standing up for himself or us. I really don't know. I am pretty sure it is almost completely sub conscious. So maybe that is the reason. Personally I do not know... but I don't like feeling this way.
I've really been making sure I have been taking my medication every day. Which used to help, but I don't know why it isn't doing a lot for me right now.
There is only one thing I really know right now, and... well... to be honest, it is completely confusing me right now. I can't explain exactly how I feel. I just know, it is something I've never felt before. Well, not like this anyways, not in this way. There are so many things I want to say... things I think I should say. But... I can't find the words for it.
Things like this have always been so hard for me. And, now that... its something like this, it seems like it is so much harder. I don't think I have ever really been able to talk about my emotions growing up. So, I don't know how to deal with them really, not all the time anyways. I try so hard, but things like this... that I think are hard for everyone anyways, just seem unbarable to me. I just wish I was able to say something, say how I felt...
I want to try to say it in person, I've already said something online before about it. But, well, I really think... this is one of those things I need to say to a person's face. I just wish... I can say it soon... and not say it too late.
I left work early, which really isn't a bad thing. I saw Lauren while I was there, yay. And, literally more then half of my shit I did absolutely nothing. So I don't see how that had any influence over how I am feeling now.
I got home, and I think that is where things went wrong. My mother was in a super bitchy mood, and yelling and throwing things at my dad. And I guess thats when I started to feel shitty.
I don't know why that had this much of an influence over my mood. Maybe... it just reminded me of my earlier life. With my mother being drunk, throwing and breaking things. My dad just taking her shit, and not standing up for himself or us. I really don't know. I am pretty sure it is almost completely sub conscious. So maybe that is the reason. Personally I do not know... but I don't like feeling this way.
I've really been making sure I have been taking my medication every day. Which used to help, but I don't know why it isn't doing a lot for me right now.
There is only one thing I really know right now, and... well... to be honest, it is completely confusing me right now. I can't explain exactly how I feel. I just know, it is something I've never felt before. Well, not like this anyways, not in this way. There are so many things I want to say... things I think I should say. But... I can't find the words for it.
Things like this have always been so hard for me. And, now that... its something like this, it seems like it is so much harder. I don't think I have ever really been able to talk about my emotions growing up. So, I don't know how to deal with them really, not all the time anyways. I try so hard, but things like this... that I think are hard for everyone anyways, just seem unbarable to me. I just wish I was able to say something, say how I felt...
I want to try to say it in person, I've already said something online before about it. But, well, I really think... this is one of those things I need to say to a person's face. I just wish... I can say it soon... and not say it too late.