(no subject)
It's been a long time again since my last update. I blame a few things: my WoW-habit, my crafting-habit, and my lack of a job where I spend a whole load of hours of the day bored stiff with little to do.
I won't bother with a big life update in this entry, thought it has been an interesting year.
No, I just need a place to vent and get things off my chest, and none of my old LJ friends post any more so this is pretty much an echo-chamber to scream into.
So, starting last week, Mum has been suffering from high blood pressure and a high heart-rate. She got herself an appointment at the health centre to see a GP on Wednesday, and he was so concerned about the results from the basic test and ECG that he wanted Mum to go to hospital straight away. Mum was not keen on this idea, with the same attitude towards hospitals as Grandad - people go in and don't come out. So she made a deal with the GP she spoke to, that if she started taking the beta-blocker tablets he was prescribing for her and her blood pressure did not got down overnight, she would go in. The GP agreed (because they can't actually *force* someone to go into hospital) but had been concerned to the point that he asked the chemists to stay open just long enough that Mum could get her tablets when she got out of the health centre, and the pharmacist was basically waiting for her at the door. Considering Mum's appointment was at 16:30, that's quite something.
Yeah, so the good news was that her blood pressure went down, but the bad news was that she's getting all of the potential side-effects - tiredness, dizziness, headache and so on. She needs to be able to function, as well as having normal blood pressure. She was able to get a couple of nights of good sleep, though not last night. All week she has been saying that this has really frightened her, and it frightens me too. I can't say this to Per, but I don't know if he really thinks about what me staying here in Sweden means for me. It means that, one day, I will either try to call my Mum and she won't ever pick up again, or someone else will find out first. And it may have been months since I saw her face-to-face, hugged her, was just able to be with her. And right now Mum is saying that being on her own is now frightening her, and it's all I can do to not burst into tears while I'm talking to her on Skype. It feels like she's trying to tell me that she wants me to come home, but I can't do that.
I just don't know what to do, how to handle this. I want to shake Mum and tell her that she has to take care of herself, to get some exercise, to go on a diet. She was doing really well around Christmas, she had stopped smoking for over a year, she was starting to go to yoga...and then after Christmas, she had so much to do after having, effectively, 8 guests at a time, that her back went and it's all just been on hold since then.
My Mum needs me and I can't be there for her. And it feels like she's passive-aggressively blaming me for not being with her, when she was the one who basically encouraged me to be out here.
Just....aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!
I won't bother with a big life update in this entry, thought it has been an interesting year.
No, I just need a place to vent and get things off my chest, and none of my old LJ friends post any more so this is pretty much an echo-chamber to scream into.
So, starting last week, Mum has been suffering from high blood pressure and a high heart-rate. She got herself an appointment at the health centre to see a GP on Wednesday, and he was so concerned about the results from the basic test and ECG that he wanted Mum to go to hospital straight away. Mum was not keen on this idea, with the same attitude towards hospitals as Grandad - people go in and don't come out. So she made a deal with the GP she spoke to, that if she started taking the beta-blocker tablets he was prescribing for her and her blood pressure did not got down overnight, she would go in. The GP agreed (because they can't actually *force* someone to go into hospital) but had been concerned to the point that he asked the chemists to stay open just long enough that Mum could get her tablets when she got out of the health centre, and the pharmacist was basically waiting for her at the door. Considering Mum's appointment was at 16:30, that's quite something.
Yeah, so the good news was that her blood pressure went down, but the bad news was that she's getting all of the potential side-effects - tiredness, dizziness, headache and so on. She needs to be able to function, as well as having normal blood pressure. She was able to get a couple of nights of good sleep, though not last night. All week she has been saying that this has really frightened her, and it frightens me too. I can't say this to Per, but I don't know if he really thinks about what me staying here in Sweden means for me. It means that, one day, I will either try to call my Mum and she won't ever pick up again, or someone else will find out first. And it may have been months since I saw her face-to-face, hugged her, was just able to be with her. And right now Mum is saying that being on her own is now frightening her, and it's all I can do to not burst into tears while I'm talking to her on Skype. It feels like she's trying to tell me that she wants me to come home, but I can't do that.
I just don't know what to do, how to handle this. I want to shake Mum and tell her that she has to take care of herself, to get some exercise, to go on a diet. She was doing really well around Christmas, she had stopped smoking for over a year, she was starting to go to yoga...and then after Christmas, she had so much to do after having, effectively, 8 guests at a time, that her back went and it's all just been on hold since then.
My Mum needs me and I can't be there for her. And it feels like she's passive-aggressively blaming me for not being with her, when she was the one who basically encouraged me to be out here.
Just....aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!